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Review #4827099
Viewing a review of:
 Too Much Blue Open in new Window. [E]
a short story about eternity, cake and more. First draft, I plan to do some more tinkering
by Jeff729 Author Icon
Review of Too Much Blue  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Jeff, and welcome to writing.com!

This review is long overdue *Laugh*

I should start with the basic proofreading stuff and get it out of the way. At the word "overview" right on top of Earth's report card, you have an extra curly bracket. Further down, where Zuzu thinks "almost time for lunch," there's a cutoff sentence opening. You've used "their" instead of "there" several times, which is kinda jarring. And while you're there, the three "taps" of Todd's quill pen should be separated by spaces. Ok, nothing else particularly worth mentioning except for a stray bit of markup language at the very last sentence.

If you want, I would highly recommend using a larger font size. My WdC favorite is Size 4 Verdana. Since you've bolded and italicized, I assume you know the basics of WML...

The story is amusingly desultory... What we think of heaven is not what it feels like to those responsible for maintaining the universe *Rolling* *Angelic* I really enjoyed the way it was ultimately so lighthearted; I expected something dark and depressing, especially when rocks were added to the mix *Shock2* Analytically, I'm not especially good at reading, writing or reviewing satire or comedy; I have this peculiar tendency to take everything at face value, and implausible situations either confuse or annoy me. I do appreciate the tongue in cheek approach here, though I wonder which contest you entered it into.

Which brings me to genres: you may want to add a third more relevant genre than "contest entry." Perhaps Entertainment or Philosophy or Mythology or even Spirituality would be great.

As a whole, this was a cute read, giving the heavenly realm a sort of "The Office" flavor, with relatable, infinitely boring jobs and even more dull interaction! Makes one wish for a villain to make it interesting... I'm not sure I trust that Cosmo fellow *Sly* Maybe that could be your sequel *Ha*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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