\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4834533
Review #4834533
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor
Review of Perfect Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by LdyPhoenix Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings Shh...whisper Author IconMail Icon -

*Bullet*This is review of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..*Bullet*
This review is given in the spirit of fellowship, and to help improve each other's writing.
It by no means is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.


[ First Thoughts ]

         Love is a tremendous emotion, and you captured the beauty of it with your words. It felt like being transported to a movie screening and watching the couple within the poem have the time of their lives as they show the world they're in love. The narrator's hope for the future becomes the reader's as we catch a glimpse of the places where adoration resides.

[ Errors ]

         I found four minor errors that can be easily fixed.

         Line 1: We've made love on the shore lines (shorelines)

         Line 2: as the tide washed over our sun burnt (sunburnt) bodies.

         Line 5: We've confessed our love from a hundred roof tops (rooftops)

         Line 6: as the sun gleamed like jewels (a jewel) in the sky.

[ Suggestions ]

         The structure of the poem is sound, and I enjoy the repetitive framing as each moment passes. I have no notes or suggestions. *ThumbsUpGreen*

[ Favorite Line/Segment ]

"We've confessed our love from a hundred roof tops
as the sun gleamed like jewels in the sky."


         This line is beautiful and paints a picturesque scene. The entire poem has a dreamlike quality to it, and this line ended up being my favorite of them, as the atmosphere you've created is lovely.

[ Conclusion ]

         You've done such a wonderful job of showcasing a loving and romantic relationship through your poem. Each action has such a vivid quality to it that I can easily imagine this couple as they travel and fall deeper for one another.

         Thank you for sharing your marvelous poem. Write on!



A review signature by Mari.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4834533