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Review #4834564
Viewing a review of:
 Mysterious Stranger Open in new Window. [E]
Something unexpected happens to Sandy.
by TJ Marie Author Icon
Review by LdyPhoenix Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings TJ Marie Author IconMail Icon -

*Bullet*This is review of "Mysterious Stranger" Open in new Window..*Bullet*
This review is given in the spirit of fellowship, and to help improve each other's writing.
It by no means is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.


[ First Thoughts ]

         Small towns can be rough, especially when you're hoping for a touch of intrigue to report about. Sandra seems to be looking for a little bit of excitement, and appears to have found it by the end of the story.

         There's a lot left up in the air by the end of this story. I'm left to wonder about who Ryan is and what his intentions are. I'm also can only speculate on how Sandra will respond to his overture once the show has ended. The genres listed give me a hint of what direction this is meant to go, but this story tonally felt ambiguous.

[ Errors ]

         I could find a few minor errors that can be easily corrected.

         *Bullet* "Flustered about what just happened. (,) Sandra asks..."

         *Bullet* "(")Mixed Emotions(") by the Rolling Stones.

         *Bullet* "Stay tuned(;) we will be back."

[ Suggestions ]

         Below are a couple of suggestions for corrections to help with readability and flow. These might assist in making the reading experience a little bit smoother.

         "...she (Sandra) just never thought something big would happen to her. Sandra (She) takes her compact out of her pink and silver purse..."

         "...please get in touch with Carol at City Hall downtown at the red, white, and blue building. [paragraph break] Now, for everyone's favourite time of day."

         Another thing you might want to consider with this work is explaining a bit more about who Sandra is and why she is the way she is. This is a short story, so there are limiting factors as to how much you can expand, but I felt like I was left with more questions than answers by the end.

[ Favorite Line/Segment ]

"Silver Creek, Nevada is a small town in the mountains where exciting things do not happen..."


         Your introductory sentence made me chuckle, which endeared me to the story. It was a nice way to set the tone for what was to come, as well as insight into how Sandra views the world. Small towns don't see much action...until they do.

[ Conclusion ]

         This is a decent story with a hint of romance and suspense at the end. I wish it had been a little more fleshed out in terms of characterization, but understand that there are limits when it comes to a short story. All in all, a solid effort.

         Thank you for sharing your wonderful work. Write on!



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