This week: Fools Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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The compliments of the season to my worthy masters, and a merry first of April to us all!
-Charles Lamb (1775–1834), "All Fools' Day"
APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Cynic's Word Book, 1906
Even the gods love jokes.
-Plato |
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It may seem a little early to think about April Fools' Day, but in a world where Christmas stuff gets displayed in stores in July, I say it's never too soon to prepare oneself for the inevitable. Besides, you won't see me again here until April 1, so now's a good a time as any.
A word, first, about style: It's not April Fools Day or April Fool's Day. The placement of the apostrophe is important; "fools'" is the possessive of the plural "fools," reminding us that, in the end, we're all fools and the day belongs to all of us.
But it belongs especially to comedians, and to would-be comedians.
Now, those of you who know me from my earlier newsletters on the topic are aware that I don't like April Fools' Day. It is an occasion that fills me with trepidation and dread. Why would a self-styled comedian dread Comedy Christmas? Well, it's simple, really: pranks are only funny when they don't happen to me.
For example, I once saw a picture of a toilet seat rigged to an air horn. Sit down on the porcelain throne and VOOOOT! Funny, right? Well, no, not if it happened to me. At least I'd be in an appropriate location for the inevitable evacuation of my inner workings.
Or, for another example, once someone put a giant plastic bug behind a translucent curtain at work. Its shadow loomed large on the drapes. That would have been funny if I hadn't fallen for it. As it is, it was definitely, unequivocally, Not Funny.
If one were inclined to truly despicable behavior, one might even wrap bear spray in an air freshener costume and leave it in the restroom. This tends to work best if you are of the opposite gender to that of the restroom, because otherwise you might have to experience the aftereffects - and if you've ever encountered bear spray, you know that's the last thing you want to do. Funny if it happens to someone else. Not funny if it happens to me. Bonus points if you work in a place with a dedicated executive suite.
You get the idea.
Me? I intend to spend April Fools' Day doing what I usually do on that horrid occasion: prepare by ensuring I have sufficient supplies for the day, and then spend 24 hours cowering in my bed, isolated from the world's would-be practical jokers.
With my luck, though, someone will find a way to slip itching powder between my sheets. That would definitely not be funny. |
A few funnies that aren't pranks:
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Last time, in "Odometers" , I talked about the apparent importance of round numbers. Now, four weeks later, my car still hasn't hit the 100,000 milestone (though it's much closer), and that newsletter didn't receive much feedback. Maybe it was all the numbers?
Melisscious  : Nice! I'm glad I'm not alone on some times (aka.- all the time)
In life, I've found, we're not alone when we want to be and we are alone when we don't want to be.
So that's it for me for March - see you on April Fools' Day! Until then...
LAUGH ON!!! |
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Comedy: March 04, 2020 Issue [#10053]
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