 Comedy: August 05, 2020 Issue [#10299] |
This week: Wedding Humor Amid Corona Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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I remember when I first heard the news on Thanksgiving 2019. "Web-Mom, we're getting married!" I was so happy for my son and his fiancee. Then, 2020 came along ...
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
It all started off with congratulations, planning and pure joy. Yes, my baby boy is getting married! My heart swelled with a mother's pride at how much he has grown and matured into a wonderful, caring young man who is responsible, can manage money, -- and most of all, doesn't live in his mother's basement!
Ahhhh, yes, the millennial generation. What to expect when what you were expecting many years ago grew up chronologically but checked the maturity level at the door -- your door. Many of my friends and family still await their kids to flee the coup so they can downsize. Thankfully, it's not from personal experience. All five of my children spread their wings by the time they were nearing twenty. Do you suppose their early exits had something to do with having a WebWitch for a mother?  Nah! I'm just your local, lovable witchy-poo.
So, since last fall, we have been making plans for a late summer wedding. It was a perfect plan since I'm up North until mid-fall, and want to help out as much as possible. His future mom-in-law and I have been coordinating things because the youth these days have not had much experience with planning huge events and all that it encompasses. Having come from a very ethnic background where a simple Sunday dinners took days of planning, I was up for the job. And then ... bup, bup, buhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Coronoa Virus hit with a vengeance. Halls and bars were closed -- halls with bars as well. Cancellations were being sent out all over the place reaching all the would-be summer brides. Tears and heartbreak, and loss of deposits were cried out into the wind. And we have had some windy days lately.
With one hall already backing out of our best laid plans, we put our heads together for more options. What would be a good substitute? All eyes looked toward me. Okay, I have plenty of land to put up a rented tent. Also, our guest list would be dwindling down since there are so many restrictions for out-of-staters. I do have a commercial stove which would handle plenty of the cooking needs. But then, I live in a money pit -- a haunted money pit. It needs plenty of updating to make guests comfortable. I ordered a new sofa and love seat.  I really needed to get rid of the old leather set as time has done some serious ugly to it! However, I was trying to hold out for another year on that since I've been painting and stripping wood floors -- a messy job in itself. I didn't want to worry about new furniture getting a taste of ugly, too.
My mind was going 80 miles an hour. I thought of all the things that could go wrong if I held the wedding at my place. Fortunately it's in hill country, where there are not enough residents in the town to be concerned over seeing a tent pop up and cars showing up -- I think, or rather hoped. Didn't want to bring all that fear-attention pointed at my front door. Also, I have a well and septic. It's a great since I don't have to pay for city sewer and water, and I really hate chlorinated water in public services these days. However, forty or fifty people putting that much pressure on the system was worrisome. My son was put in charge of Porty-Toidies rental. That would cut some of the use, especially for the guys with their quick in and out trips. Women like less icky places to sit themselves down on. as for cars attracting attention, guests would be sharing rides to minimize on the amount of cars in the driveway and on the grass.
What am I saying? We can't host a bunch of people with a huge, visible tent in the yard! That would certainly set-off some local party-busters passing through town during these masked-times. Okay nix the tent! After all there will be only 40 who could make it since they don't have to travel out of state. Yeah, I could do 40, 30, 25? Yeah that would be doable. 
Everything was coming together as a last resort back-up plan, but a plan nevertheless. In the meantime, "the kids" kept looking for available halls. Some were outrageously expensive with so many restrictions they wouldn't even be able to bring in their wedding cake. Others were too far away. There are a couple more "ifs" in the works for this September wedding date. I'll let you know how that turns out.
In the meantime, new invitations have to be reprinted to show the change in venue. But first we have to have a positive answer on the new venue that won't change before the reprinting. At this point the invitations are mostly going to be souvenirs of a Covid-time Wedding since we've kept everyone informed of changes via texts, emails, and phone calls.
As for me? I'm going to keep on painting my walls, buffing the floors and hoping for the best -- that being that the stray hall in the country sans a bar and stove, will rent us the space for a much smaller wedding gathering than originally expected. Oh, I'll be working on a menu for a cold, yet elegant reception meal.
Wish me more luck, please. 
That's all she flipped-out, for this version of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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QUESTION:
Do you have any elegant cold/room temp meal ideas for an unusual wedding reception?
Feedback from my last Comedy Newsletter, "Comedy Newsletter (July 8, 2020)"
runoffscribe 
Heard the one about the Brit rock band with a drummer, bassist and lead guitarist all one-armed amputees? Their singer is tone deaf. They call themselves Durone Durone.
Okay, spit out my coffee while reading this!   Warn a girl, okay? Please do not partake of sipping fluids while reading this.
Beholden 
Thank you very much for including my story, "The Great Diacritic Disaster" in your Editor's Picks.
You are very welcome, Beholden!
Quick-Quill 
So that's what they are doing. A few weeks ago while I cut dead branches from a few trees, I heard a hum and watched a drone fly over. I thought good thing I wasn't sunbathing (no, I wear a suit but I don't want aerial photos of "A beached whale was seen in a backyard!) It flew over a number of times and a number of ways I'd like to take it down. I've read a few of thriller novels lately. Alas it flew off. I'm relieved to think it was just checking things for the power company. A company is developing a large area behind our development much to our community's ire. Maybe that's what they were checking for.
Could be. Drones have multiple uses these days whether private or public owned. I'm just happy I wasn't there when they were doing all this droning stuff. They're making it so people think drones above our homes is a normal thing. Before you know it -- yup, me again, big conspiracy theorist!
Thanks for your feedback!
Thank you for your comments, jokes and general feedback, folks! It's really appreciated.
See you next month ...  
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