 Comedy: September 16, 2020 Issue [#10366] |
This week: Pumpkin Spice Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Anna shuddered. "Orange is not the colour of seduction, Christopher. Orange is the colour of despair, and pumpkins.
― Cassandra Clare
Ah, furchte fruchte, timid Danaides! Ena milo melomon, frai is frau and swee is too, swee is two when swoo is free, ana mala woe is we! A pair of sycopanties with amygdaleine eyes, one old obster lumpky pumpkin and three meddlars on their slies.
― James Joyce
“Halloween colors, less or more,
are pumpkin, witch, and bloody gore.”
“You must mean orange, black, and red.”
“Indeed, that’s what I said.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich |
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Just the other day, I was drinking a pumpkin spice beer, eating a pumpkin spice cheesecake, and smoking a pumpkin spice cigar, when it occurred to me that I was doing these things.
So I got to wondering just what pumpkin spice actually was. This is, I imagine, something that other people already know because they cook things and I don't, but it was new to me so I have to share it. Apparently, it's a combination of different spices for use in pumpkin pie, and it's not made of pumpkin!
Well, okay, that much I already knew. It was the actual ingredients that I was wondering about. Turns out it's:
 cinnamon - okay, this makes sense. It's bark for bite.
nutmeg - for that seedy feeling
ginger - the root of the mixture
cloves - which have nothing to do with clover
mind control nanomachines - so we'll buy more fall-themed crap
allspice - for redundancy.
dried blood of the innocent - for immortality
Well, I suppose it's good to know exactly what one is putting into one's body in order to live a more healthy lifestyle.
Every late summer and fall here in the US, this stuff appears in every product up for sale. You can't take three steps in a grocery store without your nose being assaulted by the smell of Halloween and Thanksgiving. I went to the pharmacy for my annual flu shot and they asked me, "Regular or pumpkin spice?"
I guess it puts some people in the mood for the end of summer, as if watching all the leaves falling off the trees and flowers withering into brown crumbles weren't enough.
And so you also get articles like this one, singing the praises of and/or condemning the ubiquity of this particular spice blend. But despite my sarcasm here, I don't really mind it all that much. I figure if you like it, eat it (or drink it or mainline it, whatever), and if you don't, then don't.
At least it usually delays the appearance of Santa Claus, who really shouldn't be showing his ruddy face until November at the earliest. |
Some funnies to spice up your day:
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