 Comedy: November 25, 2020 Issue [#10480] |
This week: The Hunt 2020 Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Typically, as Thanksgiving draws near, I prepare for the Holiday Hunt! |
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Hello folks! Happy Thanksgiving and Happy holidays ahead! I'm reporting to you from my Southern Command Center. 
What I lovingly call "The Hunt" is my renewed need to find the perfect Christmas tree. Years ago that consisted of trudging through Christmas tree farms with my husband and children to find the fullest tree possible that could be thrown over the roof of the car. When the children were young they all found a tree that they liked the best. It was a competition since we were only going to buy one tree. Do we choose child number one's pick, or child number four?
During that time I had four daughters and my mother when she visited us in California during the holidays. She got to experience the hunt. She was also very useful for when we found the tree we knew would be just the right one for the heavy Victorian decorations. "Let's let Grandma-Witchy choose, because she's our special visitor for Christmastime. Of course she was already prompted to pick the tree their parents chose, pretending not to know which tree belonged to which interested party. It takes much planning to not hurt feelings. They loved their grandmother and went with the tree "she" picked.
Years later my son was born and the girls were getting a bit old to care about the tree being their pick anymore and left it up to "the baby" to pick. Of course they'd try to bribe him with some game to play or another promise of something he'd like if he chose their tree. So actually, the competition never did stop until they were grown and on their own and it was only my son joining in on the yearly hunt.
This is where I say boys are much easier than girls to raise. They are pretty straight forward, take a logical, mathematical approach and find exactly what is needed to fit within the parameters of ceiling height, circumference measurement, weight of ornaments and amount of lights required, plus the fullness and branch heft. Well, at least that's how my son saw the hunt to be. 
There was no competition, since his sisters weren't participating. It made it easier, at first! As he got into his teenage years he was well-versed in tree hunting. Now I was the one being dragged around a tree farm until he found the perfect tree. We cut it down and dragged it through multiple snap-back branches in the dark. It was usually freezing out by then and the trip back to the lot's "height measuring" and checkout stand near the parking lot took forever. But hey, it's all in the spirit of good tidings and cheer, right? Don't even ask me how I managed to make a 12 foot tree fit into an 8 foot ceiling height. And, no, I didn't lop any height off the bottom.
The previous trip down memory lane as sweet as it was, brings us to Christmas 2020. I know I've mentioned in the past couple years of holiday newsletters, that I no longer go to tree farms and hunt for the perfect tree. Once my son went on his own, and I chose Florida for my winter home, I have used the quick and easy pre-lit, faux fir Christmas tree. It was a Martha Stewart brand label, so I thought when I bought it that it would be "a good thing." And, I must admit it was, for 6 of the eight years I've pulled her out of the closet and displayed her. A couple years back the already strung lights stopped working. I thought it would be judicious to just go out and hunt for some more lights. I did that and as soon as I started twisting them around the branches remembered why I got a pre-lit tree. It's maddening to attempt to do the stringing securely around each branch so it looks like it did when it was new. I skimped a bit last year on light threading because I was disenchanted with the tree itself. It was starting to look a bit worn down. So, I proceeded to boost my holiday spirit by shopping for new decorations that would add beauty and hide the bald spots on the elderly tree. When the holidays ended -- so did that tree's life support.
Old Martha was taken down and her three sections pulled apart. I had no patience to undo the cheap little bulbs, so they got buried with Martha. I felt she'd appreciate the jeweled effect while heading off to her final resting spot. Each section was individually dumped into the recycling bin. The largest section first, then the middle the next week, and the final crowning part the week after that. I probably could have fit the top section in with the middle section, but I wanted to make sure she couldn't reassemble herself and come back to haunt me.
That was the unceremonious end of Martha! 
Then, in my excitement to get out of the cold and down South I almost forgot about Martha's passing the year before. Sitting by the pool last week I started doing the hunt via my cell phone at Amazon. I found the new perfect faux fir, pre-lit, and awaiting my click to be ordered and to arrive here by the time this newsletter reaches your inbox.
And that's how I did the "Hunt" during the 2020 Corona Virus!
 May you have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving! May all of your holidays bring you love, joy, health and peace!
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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Beacon's Anchor 
I do appreciate seeing your newsletter and I like reading it. You have. a lot of good information plus I would love to enter the comedy forum but I don't know how to write funny stories. I just need to go to 🌖 HuntersMoon  port, so I can feel inspired to do one. He's another one I like and respect too. I like it here so much that I don't want to leave here but I know I have my real life to deal with and my family as well. I like the newsletter and keep it coming too. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you so much for your feedback, Beacon! I appreciate the comments and the fact that you enjoy the newsletter. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
See you next month!
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