 Action/Adventure: November 17, 2021 Issue [#11080] |
This week: Of Order and Chaos Edited by: Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline  
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What makes someone a good neighbour? Colleague? Friend? There are certain unspoken rules we follow in day-to-day life, and within our relationships with others.
This week's Action/Adventure Newsletter is all about expectations, order and chaos.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline |
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How often do people behave as you expect them to? How often do you behave as others expect of you? Most of the time society’s a lot less chaotic than perhaps you’d think, considering how many of us there are, each of us individuals with our own unique personalities, wants and needs. The majority of us tend to follow the rules – both the spoken and the unspoken. For example, it may not be the law to form an orderly queue in a shop, or before one enters public transport, but a queue there will be as it’s good manners and, besides, who wants to be the target of the dreaded tut? Likewise, you give up your seat to someone with a greater need to sit, and you thank your bus driver once you exit the bus. These interactions and a great many more take place without much, if any, thought, and they help society tick over pretty nicely on the whole.
As in society, so it goes in our relationships, at least to a certain extent. There is more room for personality and individuality, but there are expectations involved in the connections we form with others. Different unspoken rules that come with different types of roles; compare, for example, the role of a partner, a neighbour or a friend.
A neighbour, it is generally agreed, should be quiet and keep their nose out of our affairs, yet should we need them they ought to be there. As long as we don’t need them too often. We don’t want to be that kind of neighbour. We’re fine taking in the occasional parcel, but it must not become a habit. And the dread that is felt when we notice – too late – that the parcel we have been handed is damaged! What if the neighbour thinks we tried to open it? A friend would know that we would never do such a thing. The role of a neighbour contains a greater level of uncertainty.
A friendship is very much a reciprocal relationship. There are levels of friendship, of course, but within each of them there is an expectation of mutual care and support. When times are good friends have fun together. When times are bad, friends form a network of care and assistance. This level of closeness can be difficult to obtain and maintain, especially when you’re a bit older. When you’re a child you can simply go up to someone and ask them to be your friend but, for some reason, this would be frowned upon and considered extremely weird when you’re an adult. That is one unspoken rule that I have never quite understood – life would be simpler if it were acceptable to be more direct. I’m not that great at figuring out where I stand with people…
In relationships, just like in society, you don’t tend to notice the high level of order until it breaks down. Sometimes the breakdown happens so slowly that you don’t even fully realise it until it’s at the point of no return. The history of the human world is filled with examples of both rapid and gradual societal upheavals. As someone who lives in the UK, I have witnessed some worrying changes over the past decade. Lines have been drawn between various parts of society and there seems to be no end in sight to that division.
A sadly rather high percentage of marriages end in divorce. It is known that friends come and go. Neighbours can turn into nightmares. Colleagues can sour every hour of the day spent at work. And yet… mostly there is order. Most colleagues are okay. Most neighbours are quiet-but-there, or at least not much of a bother. Some friends are there for a lifetime, and most friendships are worthwhile anyway, even if they eventually fade. And most marriages last. There is, then, hope.
We humans are complicated beings. As writers, it’s our job to reflect that in our work. We tend to highlight the conflicts, because that’s where many an interesting story is found, but a lot of the time there’s order. It’s pretty amazing, when you think about it. There are nearly eight billion people on this planet, and most of the time we rub along just fine.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline
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