 Comedy: December 08, 2021 Issue [#11108] |
This week: 2021 Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
—Bill Vaughan
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
—P.J. O'Rourke
Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go.
—Anonymous |
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Well, here we are at the end of the year. (Work with me here; I know we're still in the first third of December when this comes out, but it's my last Comedy editorial for the year.) So it's time to reflect on 2021.
Now, maybe my memory isn't that great for things that happened a year ago, but I seem to remember a lot of people going "Wow, 2021 has to be better, right?" And me going, "Well, about that..."
And once again, pessimism won.
Oh, I'm sure some of you reading this had a great year. Statistically, that's inevitable (and congratulations, seriously; enjoy it). But as a whole? Well, I'm not one for bringing politics, public health issues, international relations, economics, statistics, climate change, or the wealth gap into the sacred confines of the Comedy newsletter, so let me just assert right now that 2021 sucked.
And it sucked for me, too. I mean, things could have been worse, but why focus on that when I can take the opportunity to complain that they could have been better?
For example, sometime in January I found out I had cataracts that would eventually require surgery. Bad enough, but worse when you consider that I don't have many phobias, but one of them is anything touching my eyeballs. Especially sharp things like scalpels. (My eyelids, and only my eyelids, get a pass. No, I've never worn contact lenses.)
February sucked because it was my birthday, which confirmed that I am indeed getting older, as if the cataract diagnosis wasn't enough.
In March, I suffered through a four-hour root canal. That was enough to ruin that month.
April is usually the time when I go to NY/NJ to see family. But this year... well, you know.
May? More dental work, which is always just so much fun.
June... okay, June wasn't so bad. I was finally able to get in my car and take a road trip, which was a nice change of pace.
July more than made up for it because my car got totaled on said road trip, and I had to scramble to get me and all my stuff home.
I don't remember August. I assume it happened, and that it was incredibly hot. Because every August happens and is incredibly hot here.
In September, the cataracts started seriously interfering with my daily life, and half the appliances in my house decided to fail all at once. Plus I had my deck replaced, which was nice when it was finished, but meanwhile I had contractors tromping all over the house and lawn.
October: more dealing with medical issues (fortunately none of them serious, but still a massive pain in the ass).
November was colder than it had any right to be here, which made me miss August.
And this month? I always hate December. No exceptions. But this December is even worse because I have the eye surgery scheduled for about a week after this comes out, and that is going to completely suck.
I mean, sure, things could have been worse this year. But even compared to 2020, this was an exceptionally annoying year.
So now I'm wondering what fresh hells await me in 2022. And, worse, after the eye surgery, I'll actually be able to see them coming.
What? Come on. Every silver lining has a cloud. |
Fortunately, no matter how bad things get, there is always comedy:
| | | An Idea Lost [E] #2199978
The desperate but futile attempts to retrieve an idea that slipped away.
by Ned  |
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Last time, in "Leaf Me Alone" , I talked about dealing with the fallen leaves of Autumn.
QueenNormaJean maybesnow?!  : Here in Montana, in the little city where I live, leaves are rarely on the tree at this time of year. A few people mow them for garden mulch, a few use a leaf blower. But most just wait for the 70 MPH windstorms that help blow them into the next county.
Having been in Montana, now I'm imagining all the leaves from the lowlands pasted up against the sides of mountains.
dogpack saving 4premium  : ROFLOL  WOW! "So, I give up. This week, I bought a leaf- and snow-blower. I'll try to only use it when none of the neighbors are using theirs. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." TOO FUNNY I didn't laugh heartily until I read your last two statements, but after that I was no good for a few seconds. Really a great story, thanks. I hope you survive.
Update: I did buy a leaf blower, and I've been using it. The only problem is, it's not loud enough to annoy the neighbors.
So that's a wrap for me for this year. I hope you have a great holiday season and New Year's, and I'll see you after the hangover. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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