 Comedy: July 06, 2022 Issue [#11443] |
This week: Trashing The Hood, But Good! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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The travels seem to get easier when you're a snowbird because you've had plenty of practice, right?  |
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Last month we took our annual ride home from Florida to New England. We expected a somewhat smooth trip since we've had 11 years of practice and have found the route that suits us best. That means getting off I-95 from South to North as soon as possible.
It may be the more direct route, but it's not always worth the hours it may save if so many of them are spent crawling through a parking lot of vehicles either due to a gaper block miles ahead due to accidents or road construction lane closures. They seem to be quite common on that road. So, when route 26 shows up in SC we are on it and heading west.
This trip was just even worse than expected because the traffic blockages started in GA and continued through most of SC. It was getting all too obvious that we'd have to spend and extra night on the road due to delays, and the cost of hotels has risen dramatically to go along with high gas prices. There was no way we'd be able to reach our goal to eliminate that expense.
Next morning, we hit the road, still in the Shenandoah hills and valleys on Virginia's western part of the state. We knew we had another 12 hours at least of driving to make it home. And, if we did attempt it, it would be late at night. I never choose to arrive at night to a house that's been closed down for months because it takes several hours to unpack, remove dust and replace bedding, and several other things that I don't need to go into. I thought hard about the question of driving the distance or stopping one more night before arriving at home. My response? DRIVE!!!
We arrived in the town around 11:00 p.m. stiff from sitting so long, pain in back and pinched nerve making it difficult to walk at the rest stops. 
WHERE'S THE ROAD?!!!
Upon turning to go up the hill where the haunted house is located, we felt the bumpiness of dirt and gravel. The pavement was ripped up on the road and sidewalk area. We pulled up by the house, but gravel and asphalt from the street was piled in front of the path to my front door.
Picture this, it's late at night, only headlights guided us forward, but getting out of the passenger side set my footing right on the uneven, rocky, gravely surface. I was limping badly due to my back issues running the nasty nerve stuff to my right hip, the first one that was replaced 10 years ago. I thought I might have had a screw loose!
With a bit of maneuvering, I was guided and pulled over the hill of gravel and cautioned about the slight ditch below it, and finally made it to the other side without falling. From the "safe" side, I grabbed much of the luggage passed over to me and delivered them to the porch. When finally in the house, no unpacking, just fresh bedding and a shower and sleep.
Next day, early in the morning, I heard earth moving, house shaking equipment on the road. It dawned on me that there were plans to tear up the old road and fix drainage beneath it, then pave and widen existing sidewalks. I just didn't know it started while we on the road heading North.
Coffee in hand I went to the front porch to take a look. A town worker came up to me and apologized for the gravel mess in front of my front pathway. He said they didn't expect me to return at night. See, even my town knows I never return at night.  He said they'd flatten out the mess so I could maneuver my way in and out. Thankfully, Ruby my 2005 Volvo SUV was able to manage the gravel in front of the driveway, downhill from the house.
Unexpected surprise, indeed!
Doing the Trash bin spin!
I have had issues with the trash pick-up company. Sometimes they miss a week and have to be called. They say they're short-handed and will credit the payment for the missed cycle. But I don't want a trash-missed rebate, I want my trash taken away, not festering in the summer sun and causing overloading the following week.
I wasn't the only one in the neighborhood fed up with that company's service or lack thereof.
The service is placed on hiatus when I head to Florida in the fall, and turned on when I return. This time back North I noticed different colored bins on the street. I was curious, as my neighbors used the same company I used with the blue bins -- these were green. I talked to my neighbor across the under construction road. She told me pretty much everyone in the town switched over to the dark green bins, not to be confused with the other well-know company's green bins. I got the number because I had been home a couple weeks and was still awaiting a garbage pick-up. The blue-bin company got the boot! The bill was paid through June, then they'd pick up the empties, and we'd part ways forever. 
In the meantime I had two services, the blue bins and the new bins that were dropped off already. So, what's the problem WW? You've got a couple weeks where you have double pick-ups."
Nothing, except I didn't know which days were for which company as one is unreliable and may come the day after, and one is very reliable and normally comes the day after the Blues. So, I decided to watch my neighbor who hooked me up with the new service. When she puts a bin out, I put a bin out. Also, recycling is every other week -- let's add that into the mix. And, my neighbor only gets her garbage picked up every other week.
This last Wednesday, I placed my usual blue bin out, then saw dark green bins out. Oh, I thought, it must be recycle week for green which is a Wednesday. The green bin went out, but wasn't picked up on Wednesday. My neighbor dropped by and we talked for a while. Then I asked her if I did something wrong. I saw green bins out on Wednesday, but there was no recycle pickup. Plus all the neighbors up the hill had their green bin out on Wednesday.
"I'm sorry WW! It was my mistake I got the wrong week for recycling and put my bin by the curb. Yes, it appears the neighbors watch for when my bin goes out for recycling and they all follow. I never knew the whole neighborhood depended on my remembering the schedule. I'm going to have to keep my calendar checks up to date."
I laughed at the thought of Barb being the recycling leader in the hood. Plus Thursday is normal pickup day. And, since Blue didn't come on Wednesday, I kept blue out for Thursday, and one garbage green, one recycle, green. I had the most confusing driveway's end with 3 bins waiting and one blue recycling bin on the side lines. I knew there would be no more recycle pick-ups for blue, since it was the last day of June.
Confusing folks? Yup. Just another fun trash week in the hood.
That's all she tossed out for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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| | THE IDIOT (13+)
Balmy antics of an entrepreneurial lad who refuses defeat while pining for Dad's approval
#1270897 by DRSmith  |
One line at a time ...
(Humor's not always meant for the politically sensitive)
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Some responses my question from "Comedy Newsletter (June 8, 2022)"
Having dyslexic plumbing risks means having a plumber on retainer!
What's the most embarrassing reason you've had for calling an expert?
s
My ex-wife called roadside service because she couldn't get the car started in a supermarket carpark. After an hour wait, it turned out she had the car in gear and not park, and being an automatic, it wouldn't engage...
Bitter 
my friend had their door locked they broke their window to get in, their alarm went off, police came... and after a very long courtcase with a professional lawyer they bought a spare key...
heh, yeah...
Olivia: it's NaNo-Time
28082 
My dog was pissed once that I had the impudence to go back to work after lunch break and walking her, and stole a bar of dark chocolate I'd forgotten on the kitchen counter which she wolfed down partly with the wrap.
You bet how quickly I called the local vet when I realized that. Thank God Djena survived, didn't even have digestive problems, or such. Nothing.
You bet I learned my lesson well and hid anything lose from the surfaces she could reach. 
Odessa Molinari
My cat got stuck behind the toilet. It had a false wall to hide the pipes and he crawled in through the hole where the pipes came out. Such a small hole for such a big cat!
TheBusmanPoet
Back in 1978 I worked for GD in their shipyard in my state. I was running late and parked the car, racing in to punch the clock. Once we took our lunch break 4 hrs later, I came out to the car finding running and locked.  It took us a bit but we got the door open and I shut the car off. It burned a 1/4 of a tank of gas. I never lived it down while I was employed there. 
Thanks for the delightful replies. It made my plumber call, to turn off the faucet, not that out of the ordinary! 
See you next month folks!
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