 Comedy: October 26, 2022 Issue [#11624] |
This week: Ghost in the Machine and Other Madness Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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If it happened only one time, I'd be calling it a fluke. However, the fact that it happened again approximately a week later, makes me question what other entities live at the haunted house, fondly known as the Money Pit.
It's not even a Smart TV. Or is it?  The horror parts of comedy! Enter if you dare ...
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It was a dark and dreary night. Only the glow of the TV was noticeable through the float glass windows to show to the little hamlet that the witch is in. Okay, okay, the glow from a couple laptop monitors was also present, thus the witch is definitely in.
"WW, could you check the sports channel lineup in our area?"
"Oh, of course, Web-Lock. Hopefully the Yanks will be viewable in this area." (Yes, folks, I'm a lifetime Yankees fan even though I live in Massachusetts. It's a story within itself, but I digress.)    Digression is expanded due to the timing of this newsletter ... Dang Yankees!  Why do I put myself through this year after year? I knew they would blow it again. Okay, back to the regularly scheduled newsletter. 
I find the channel with the schedules, scan for the next showing of the Yankees that isn't blacked out. As I kept scanning to the right to find the information, something took control of my television. This kept up for a couple minutes. My remote control was useless. It didn't respond to anything I tried. I couldn't recall, hit DVR or even shut the television off. I pressed the satellite button, but it would not light up on my remote. Nothing worked! (I guess that should have been a huge hint for me to walk away from post-season baseball as I'd only be disappointed.)
The ghost in the TV was relentless! "Nooooo! Stop the insanity. This is not happening in my witchy home. I'm the one in control of my own haunted house."  (Please insert a little dramatic haunted music in your "mind's ear," just to add to the fun and festivity of the season.)
I finally shut the TV off manually, then reset the Dish receiver. While the "Hopper" was finding itself, I thought about the remote's batteries. I had a warning flash on the screen that the batteries were getting low. I changed them, and all worked well.
Life was good thereafter for a whole week, until I decided to find the Hallmark Holiday movie line-up schedule. Same thing happened. I was not in control of my TV. It reminded me of the opening of an old series called Outer Limits, where we, the audience were told they had control of our television sets. We were treated to wavy lines, and creepy music through the intro. Then, the creepy show began.
Well, after I did the same hard reset to my receiver, I got control of my TV back. I decided to take a look at the current batteries to see if they were making proper contact or something else keeping the connection weak. I took them out, wiped them down, made sure they went back in properly, and saw I could control my remote control again. 
I've pondered this for days. What could it possibly be? Why did this originally
happened when I went looking for the Yankees games? Could it be I'm being watched watching a rival team of the Red Sox? What ghost of the failed team is living in my TV?
Then, to torment me further, it began the same control of my remote when I finally accepted my defeat, or more like the Yankees defeat and decided to watch some wholesome holiday shows. I guess I'll never know. That amuses me for the witch in me living in a haunted house. It also puzzles me as a reasonably minded human being.
I'll tell you this ... I'm dumping Dish next spring upon my return from Florida.  Webbie's unplugging from the tether that controls what we watch while snooping on us. Hey, even a witch enjoys her privacy! Any of you who have cut the cord, cable, satellite Dish, whatever, I'd love to know what you decided on when leaving it all behind. I already have Amazon Prime, so I need to go from there.
Okay, folks, I love Halloween and all the horror, creepy and spooky shows that are offered during the month. I start at September's end the decoration process. A scary skull in the attic window to start it off. Kids in the school bus notice it and start getting excited over it. They yell out the windows of the bus, The Halloween House, is back!!! Each day I add a little something leading up to the big night. A ghost or two appear on the porch. A tall and frightening ghoul in a shroud stand staring toward the road. Webbing and creepy crawly things are added, building up excitement.
I'm happy spending Halloween here rather than in my Florida tin can. Halloween just isn't the same without the children. I couldn't deal with hearing the Monster Mash while a bunch of adult beverage drinkers dance around in the banquet hall awaiting their costumes to be judged the best.
I refuse to run away as the trees bare in New England. On Halloween night the fog machine will be activated and lightning-like strobe lights in the attic will be going strong. The full-sized skeleton will sit on a bench welcoming the kids. I'll be the witch, (Yes, I am going as myself for Halloween -- scary enough! ) handing out the full-sized candy bars to a couple hundred excited kids, who are grateful in their frightened state that the "haunted House" is back. 
That's what Halloween is all about, folks; seeing children's eyes opening wider as they approach the front porch, timidly smiling and telling themselves, "it's all fake, don't worry." Yet, their hands shake a little while taking the candy, expecting a ghoul to jump out at any second. It has happened before, only to the older kids, though. I'm a kind witch to the youngsters.
One year, an older kid punk, saw a "werewolf" sitting on a porch rocking chair and told the other kids, it's fake. As the bold one approached to touch the werewolf, it's paw moved and it's voice growled , and it stood up, making the kid scream and jump. There was a human inside that costume. The other kids were cracking-up laughing at him, but really happy they weren't the ones to doubt the werewolf's authenticity.
It's all good, folks!
Celebrate Halloween through the eyes of a child ... By lifting spirits! 
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
BOO!
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Joy 
You said it, WW  ! Especially about the TP. What gets me most is that they have resized most of the brands after that thing during the pandemic. To a smaller size, too. I think they should enact a Federal Law saying that if you resize anything, the thing it will be used on must have been resized, too. That is only fair!
 I agree, Joy!!!
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Try being a person that has to sell food, and dealing with folks that dig to the back of a display, to find a salad bag that expires 2 days later than those at the front, and don't get me started on the messes these diggers make. Never mind that the stuff is good for a few days past the Sell By date.
I guess it's human nature BBW, to dig as far back as possible to get the freshest labeled salad date that will probably be stuck in their fridge well past the expiration date, anyway!
Elfin Dragon-finally published 
Gee, Maybe I ought to invest in that crazy glue market as well. 
It's probably too late, now. The cat's outta the bag. Yup, the glue industry and paper industry have cornered the market on that combo's futures.
AmyJo-boppin w the punkin beat
Thank you for the chuckles! Much needed and appreciated! Wish I had some stock in glue! LOL
Happy you got a chuckle or two.
And the glue stock? Me too!
Thank you for your feedback, folks! I appreciate it. 
See you next month,
Webbie
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