 Comedy: March 08, 2023 Issue [#11853] |
This week: Holiday Fatigue Edited by: GeminiGemš¾  
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Holiday Fatigue
I Googled it. The clickable link exclaimed, "Holiday Burn-Out is Real!" Well, duh. You may be wondering, though, why I'm writing about this in March. I shall explain.
It all starts in October. The beginning of October, I would say. Autumn is in full swing and Halloween is coming. I actually LOVE this time of year. Cooler temperatures, the trees are pretty colors, and everything is coming up pumpkin spice. Spooky stuff is everywhere.
Commercialism can't leave well enough alone, though, can it? You go to the stores and Christmas music is already playing and Christmas dƩcor is for sale. Red and green tries valiantly to squeeze out the orange and black of Halloween. Everyone complains about it but it gets worse every year. Sure, you can try to ignore it and wait until it is time for Christmas to be in the spot light, but by then everything in the stores is picked over and sad. You snooze, you lose.
Halloween is finally over, the candy and costumes are on discount. We coast onto Thanksgiving, race onto Christmas, and fly into New Year's. In my house, the winter birthdays begin to sneak in among the holiday chaos, starting at the Winter Solstice and wrapping up right after at Valentine's Day.
My husband's birthday is less than a month after Christmas. Making sure I have enough gift ideas for him for both Christmas and then his birthday a few weeks later has been stressful for the last 25 years. He gets harder and harder to buy for as the years go by. He doesn't want much and he's pickier about what he does want. Holiday gift-giving has become a nightmare.
Only a few weeks after his January birthday, Valentine's Day rears its ugly head. This year my husband and I made a pact to pretend the holiday does not exist. We agreed we were not going to do anything for Valentine's Day. We aren't dating and we aren't newlyweds, so we can do this. It is perfectly legal, I assure you. Then my husband went and broke the pact with a small Valentine's surprise for me. I feel like I'm losing this game and I lack the strength to fight back.
It is March and here comes St. Patrick's Day. The shamrocks and leprechauns are being offered up at the office as a form of decoration. I know I won't see any green beer or pots of gold at work so it just seems like a big waste of time and energy, not to mention that it makes me feel a little edgy. I swear if even ONE person threatens to pinch me for not wearing green I will end them. I will have my holiday revenge. 
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a terrible poem for a terrible holiday
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From my last comedy newsletter "Only I Can Say Something Like That"
Paul
Iāve been using self deprecation humor for years, Iām good at it and get a lot of laughs, but my current partner (my wife of 45 years died eight years ago) is a retired lawyer of 40 years and accuses me of āPutting myself down.ā I tell her I donāt believe myself, itās just being a silly smart-ass, but she, and now my youngest daughter (sheās 45) who has joined her in that tell me I can not make negative comments about myself without it causing me harm. I canāt use that type of humor with two of my favorite people in the world now. I can with my youngest son because heās a clone of me and we both share the same twisted forms of humor.
They won't even tolerate it a little? Hmmm...tough audience, I guess.
Beholden
Thank you very much for including my short story, A Tooth Fairy Tale, amongst your Editor's Picks.You
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