 Comedy: May 10, 2023 Issue [#11938] |
This week: Cataract Chronicles Part III Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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The clock is ticking. The days are closing in on my scheduled cataract surgery. But first, I need to travel back to Florida.  |
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It won’t be long before my first eye gets done. Only a couple weeks from now and I’ll have one eye I can depend on.  In the meantime, I met a couple from Canada who are snowbirds. I couldn’t see the wall clock easily and asked them for the time. I said due to my cataracts I can’t even see the time. The wife replied to me and also added she had her cataracts done in Canada. She says she’s quite happy with the results the difference was like night and day. The light shown through her eyes. Everything was brighter, clearer, better!
I gave a sigh of relief. I had been worrying myself needlessly. Hey, even if the drugs they give you make you forget the whole surgery part, she didn’t look traumatized in any way due to it.
"So you're happy with the results, then?"
“Yes, WebWitch, once my first eye was absolutely flawlessly done, I couldn’t wait to get my other eye done so I could see from both eyes all the colors and clarity that I saw covering one eye and looking at the world through my new lens following the cataract surgery.”
“That’s great to hear. May I ask you why are you still wearing glasses, and in the pool, no less?
“Oh, I just need a bit of a clean out, some of the fog is coming back. That’s why the glasses. It’ll be done when I get back to Canada. It just takes so long for a surgery date. “Tell me about it.
"How long ago did you have the surgeries?"
"It's been about 3 years. And the third surgery about 2 years ago."
Only three years ago and the blur is back? ... "Wait! What do you mean 'third surgery?' You only have 2 eyes!"
Oh, well, you see, the left eye was perfect. But, the right eye? Well, that’s another story. That cataract surgery didn’t turn out very good. In fact I needed a corneal transplant after that one.”
My brain went back to those green outlined files stacked at the eye surgeon’s office of all those patients waiting for corneal transplants. Here I am getting closer to my surgery. Now, all those folks who have gone on before me and boasted about how life changing it was, and how clear and bright everything is,began to fade from my mind. I only thought of the poor Canadian lady needing a corneal transplant after a bad result with one of her eyes.
My thoughts broke up as I was pulled back to the lady in the pool who kept talking on right over my worry-fest.
"Thank goodness for the dead person who donated their eye corneas so I could see again!" Yeah, so your eye doctor gets another chance to mess up your eyes and send you back to the green outlined folders and another poor soul has to die so you can see again.  "WebWitch, I hope you are going to be an organ donor when you pass along from this earthly world."
Don't you be looking me in the eyes like that. You are not going to be happy until my corneas go on the market. What kind of sick, twisted person are you? Why did you have to be in this pool at this time to scare the eyes right out of my head? Could you be related to Stephen King? Sorry, folks. I do let my vivid imagination run away on its own every so often. 
"You know, I think I'd better hang on to my corneas. After all, I didn't get the cataracts with the lovely halos. I got the up and down lines over the center of my eyes. I want to see where I'm going once I've left this 'earthly world.'"
"Oh, WebWitch, you are so funny. But you really should reconsider the donation of your body parts."
"Oh, of course. My body parts won't care where they're going when I'm gone. Nice talking with you. Good luck with your lens clean-out when you get back to Canada. May your dead people corneas be with you for a long time."
I'm such a bad WebWitch, folks. It is my job in the here and now to make complete use of what I have. I intend for all of my body parts to be completely used up and worn out when I kick the last bucket on my bucket list. 
Stay tuned for more, as the surgery approaches. See you on the next chapter of The Cataract Chronicles.
Until next time-- laugh hard, laugh often! And, when a few people give you a positive report about a surgery they had that you are about to have, don't ask for anymore opinions.
P.S. Hope to see you with at least one clear eye next month. 
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Paul 
Hi, they’re either going to use Midazolam or Versed and they both delete any memories of the procedure. I absolutely hate both of them and have put them on my allergies list because I will NOT be forced to not remember.
I’m of the mind that the doctor does not want you to remember what was said in the operating room, but I refuse all pain medications and mood altering medications as a matter of course, except for surgery and then I’ll take pain meds until I can stand it without them, but I refuse the mood altering ones because I don’t need them. I have a rigid control of my moods.
If you want to remember, refuse the mind-altering meds. I do every time, but I had a hernia and the ^$@£+# surgeon refused to operate if I didn’t take them. It was very painful so I did it then disrecommended him as a good surgeon to have. That was with Kaiser in California.
I’ve had both done and couldn’t be happier. I was fully awake for both and the only meds were a very short 1 minute stint with Versed while he put a needle in alongside my eye to paralyze it during the surgery. I had ABSOLUTELY no desire to witness that. Seeing the operating room ceiling go from a good focus to a vision through a water curtain then back to even better focus was amazing and I loved it. There was absolutely no pain either.
I wish you good fortune with your surgeries.
Paul
🌻❤️🐸🙏🏼
(((Paul))) Thank you Soooo much for your encouraging words. I am very sensitive to anesthetics. It has worried me. I don't want to worry about waves of nausea. Can't bend over--my eye will fall out, or dislocate.  Next Newsletter will have the after affects of at least one cataract replacement. I like the idea of a quick one-minute med before placing a needle in the eye, then that's it.
Thank you for your well wishes. 
~SilverMoonNoel~ 
I think your question was valid. Having cataract surgery is pretty scary, especially frightening if you're semi-awake and helpless and the surgeon says "oops".
I laugh now,but I know the mind says yes to everything, scary or not.
Interesting topic. Thanks for sharing.
I hope I found send.
Yes, your response came to the right place!  I thank you for it, too. Love hearing about others experiences. I won't feel so alone while I'm helpless and semi-awake. I'll think about all those people who went on before me ...having cataract surgery, I mean.
Next month's Newsletter should be a fount of information following surgery. 
Thank you for your feedback!
I appreciate it!
"See" you next month!
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