 Comedy: September 27, 2023 Issue [#12188] |
This week: Another Series of Unfortunate Events Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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It's WebWitch, one of your full-time Comedy Newsletter editors, who has been doing this for 15 years this very month without missing a single issue.  That may cause many readers to roll their eyes thinking "When will it end, WW?" 
Just when I thought it was safe to go about my normal day... |
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It all happens quite innocently, really. Friday happens to be my practice day at the gun range while I'm up North, at the Sportsman's Club of which this witch is a member. The plan is to meet my brother at a scheduled time. That Friday in question was no different--well, almost.
I noticed my car, Ruby, was running low on gas, so left a little earlier to get her a fill. But Ruby did this little hesitation dance just before turning into the gas station. I wondered, was it this particular gas that made her do that? I saw the near-empty gauge and decided feeding her this gas rather than no gas and traveling to another station much further away was not an option. Besides, Hurricane Lee was expected to hit New England and I wanted to be sure the car was full and ready to go if needed.
The Series:
We finished shooting, and then planned to go to the clubhouse for a beer. My brother gets in his car and heads up to the main parking lot. We back out of the space in the range parking and proceed to move forward a few feet and the car stalls. Start it again, it stalls again. Give it a full dose of gas, it lingers for a while, and stalls again. After ten minutes of that I noticed it wasn't 5:00 yet and called my mechanic. He had just checked the car, filled fluids replaced whatever needed replacement and even checked the engine where they replaced the coil last year when I was stuck in Newburg NY for 3 days, and put in the proper size of plugs as the ones place in NY were not a tight fit. 🙄 My auto mechanic says he's a AAA approved station and I should have them tow "Ruby" there. It was Friday, the shop was closing, soI knew nothing would done that night or even Saturday as it's a half day there at the garage, so I'd find out on Monday. I was grateful my brother was there to give us a ride while AAA came to tow Ruby.
One of the patrons at the clubhouse said perhaps the fuel line needs replacement since the car hesitated right before turning into gas station to fill. AAA called me back saying they were going to be delayed an hour longer. My brother was going to drive us back home after the tow truck took the car. An hour later I get a robotic message on the phone that there's high volume calls and that since we weren't in a dangerous spot, they'd place the pickup for later that evening. I was told if I wanted to leave the car for a pickup without being there I need to leave a key under driver's side mat. Keep doors unlocked and give them my License plate number. I agreed with doing that since it was starting to get darker by then and my brother has cataracts and doesn't drive at night. We agreed we'd drive him home and would get the car back to him over the weekend when he comes over for the Sunday meal. He agreed it was a good plan as he has his own SUV as well. So, we had another beer since neither one of us would be doing the driving, but Web-Lock would. 😇
We get the beer and catch up with friends. I get a call. This time it's not AAA, it's my neighbor. 😯 She said one of my trees fell over into the driveway after a burst of heavy winds. 😱 She said the tree warden helped clear a bit off the driveway so there was room for the car. It was originally a town planted tree from about a century ago, so they remove any trees that are damaged or diseased. (Thankfully!) The tree that fell was one half of a conjoined twin part of the giant Maple which shared one huge trunk.
Meanwhile, we left the clubhouse, got my brother home, and parked my brother's Mercedes in the space in the driveway. I prayed the upcoming storm wouldn't take the twin tree down on his car.
SURPRISE!
After an evening of strange events making it an usual Friday at the range, I went to bed, read for awhile, and finally fell asleep. At 2:30 a.m. I awakened to a light shining outside the house. From the second floor I looked down the stairs and saw light coming closer to my door. I have glass panels around the antique door's frame I threw on a robe with my gun in its pocket, looked through the glass and saw that it was a police officer. Phewww! I asked if another tree fell. He described my Volvo SUV. I said yes, I have that car it's in the next town over. He said I know. I was making the rounds at the Sportsman's club and range and saw it there unlocked. I searched the clubhouse, (all our local support responders have membership there, thus a key fob, and can practice in, inside or outside ranges) but I saw nobody there and thought something happened to you. I ran the plates and came over to see if you were okay.  How cool is that? I didn't even think about someone checking on my well-being from the next town over. Then it hit me!
"Wait a minute, do you mean my car is still at the range parking lot? Triple A was supposed to pick that up within a couple hours after I left there." 
"Perhaps call AAA again?"
"It's 2:30 in the morning. The idea of talking to robots and put on hold for who knows how long is not appealing. However, now I'll worry all night about my unlocked car with the key under the mat being messed with or stolen."
"No worries, WW, I will be on duty all night. I'll drive by often and make sure it's okay."
 Now that's what life in small towns are all about. I am one grateful witch.
What was Ruby's problem?
Ruby's turbo charger died. Thankfully it happened off-road. It goes to show you, some series of unfortunate events have a great ending. Well, except for the cost of a turbo charger replacement, that is. 
Double Scoop of Thanks!
Being delayed at the Sportsman's Club made me feel doubly blessed since Ruby wasn't in the driveway when the tree fell! 
The Clincher:
The cost of a turbo charger aside, I had to laugh at the fact that my "loaner car" for my 2005 Volvo SUV, was a Mercedes! 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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(Bazaar and macabre can be amusing as well!)
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(Beware Friday the 13th!)
(Annual Halloween Handles!)
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Elby Wordsmith 
Wow, do I relate to the cataract removal. I wore "coke bottle bottom" glasses (pre-plastic lens) from the time I was 8yrs, had my Cataracts removed when I was in my early 70s.
I know the excitement of actually being able to see. For months on and off, especially upon waking I would search for my glasses. Sometimes getting really upset that I couldn't find them.
For almost a year I would unconsciously use my index finger to push up the bridge of the glasses I wasn't wearing, as when I had them they often would slip down my nose a bit. Are you doing this as well???? Grin, enjoy the freedom!
Yes, I am!!! This new-found freedom comes with haunting habits from the past, I believe. Thank you so much for your feedback! 
See you next month, folks! 
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