 Comedy: November 08, 2023 Issue [#12265] |
This week: Buncha Turkeys Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
—Kevin James
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
—Irv Kupcinet
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
—Jim Davis
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Thanksgiving is coming up fast here in the US, so I thought I'd put together a helpful guide for getting together with family on this annual holiday:
1. Don't.
It's way more stress than it's worth, and in another month, you're just going to have to go through it all over again, albeit with worse weather. Why subject yourself to idiotic political views, chaos, probably travel, incompatible dietary requirements, blatant sexism, and your drunk uncle?
I say this as a drunk uncle.
"But it's family!" Would you still hang out with them if they weren't?
"It's a tradition!" Long ago, a bunch of refugees fled religious persecution in their country so they could impose some of their own.
"I just like turkey." This may come as a shock, but turkey is available all year. And if you make it yourself, you don't even have to endure the disapproving glare of your vegan niece. Better yet, get the pre-made kind.
And that's all assuming you're a guest. If you're the host, woe be unto you, because you get all the above problems, minus the travel but adding shopping, cooking, catering to the incompatible dietary requirements, and cleaning.
Then someone makes a gentle comment about how something or another is too dry, too salty, too bland, or whatever, and you lose your mind because you're obviously a complete failure.
No, better to stay out of it entirely. If you don't want to roast your own turkey (and I don't blame you; doing it right requires work and careful monitoring), buy some from the grocery store. While you're there, pick up the sides you like, not the ones that are too salty or too bland or whatever. Also be sure to obtain plenty of your favorite libation.
After all, you're not drinking alone. You have a turkey for company. But not nearly as big a turkey as your drunk uncle. |
You should also read lots of comedy. Here are some examples:
Submitted by author:
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Last time, in "Sorry" , I talked about offensive jokes and whether or not (and how) to apologize.
🌕 HuntersMoon  : Hmmm. You know, I can't remember the last time I was offended by a joke. I try to find humor in everything so even serious stuff will get a laugh out of me.  The answer to "Why? Were you driving it?" is "No, she was behind the wheel." Hell, if you're going to offend them, make it good! 
It is possible, though not very easy, to offend me. I won't make it easier by explaining exactly how.
Elfin Dragon-finally published  : OH, MAN!! You're thinking like me. LOL! Whenever someone says "Sorry" to something I say, I often tell them - "Why? It's not your fault." The looks I get are often hilarious.
Yeah, I got tired of hearing that, so instead of saying "Sorry," I default to something like "My sympathies."
And a delayed comment from my February 1 newsletter, "Groundhoggin'" ...
Elfin Dragon-finally published : I love "Groundhog Day"!  I also think it was the movie to generate a whole host of other like films.
I'm obliged to point out that an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that aired the year before GHD was released featured a time loop episode.
So that's it for me for November! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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