 Comedy: May 08, 2024 Issue [#12533] |
This week: Life in an Adult Community Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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| In my 55+ Community in Florida, stuff happens. Some funny, some strange. Most likely, it's always a combo of both! |
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of The Comedy Newsletter.
The community where I live in Florida is filled with many retired or semi-retired folks, because let's face it, hardly anyone retires at 65 anymore. There are some people who are quite old because they moved here when they were in their fifties and have now officially attained seasoned citizen status. One day I may grow up to be so seasoned. 
It's a busy time for me as I do last minute things to prepare to close up my place down here and hit the road and head North. Still, I try to fit in fun times and especially use of the great pool we have as part of our amenities before leaving. Sitting by the pool, many conversations are popping up all around.
The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend of ours. I asked him where his wife was because usually she is at the pool with him. He told me she went to see her daughter and grandson, and would return in a few days. Then, he went on from there to elaborate on her little trips...
"I just hope to God she doesn't find another stray to bring home with her this time."
"Really, Rich? Does she have the propensity to do that unannounced?"
"Are you kidding? Marie has a heart of gold, but never sees beyond that when she's on an angelic mission. The last time she visited her daughter, she called me and said she was getting ready to leave and would be home in a couple hours. She was very excited, and told me she had a surprise for me. I hung up and thought the surprise might be one of my favorite pastries. She's from Colombia, and she and her daughter do cooking and baking when they get together."
"Wow, what a treat for you , Rich. Or should I say a rich treat for you?"
"Wait, I'm not finished. She arrived later that day carrying a pet carrier with claw marks on its screening. I asked her what was in there, because no way was that smelly container my expected pastry. WebWitch, she brought it in the house and opened the carrier. It was a huge cat. It went all territorial when it was free to roam its new surroundings."
"Oh, well, Rich, you like cats, right? I mean, you're not allergic or anything. I guess she wanted to give it a good home and got it from the shelter."
"You're right about that. She just can't bear seeing a shelter animal looking at her at her with its begging eyes. But, this cat, as I said is huge. It's like having three cats in one. It sort of looks like a tiny lion. It's claws sure live up to the lion personality. Immediately, the curtains got a shredding, the sofa had claw marks all over the bottom. When he was done doing that, he jumped up on the sofa, and I swear, he dared me to try to throw him off. This was just within the first few hours of his arrival."
"I don't understand, Rich. Why wouldn't she warn you she was bringing home a pet. I mean, shouldn't you have a say in it as well? Cats, aren't something you spring on someone and say 'surprise' is it?"
"Well, actually she did sort of hint at it before she headed south. She said she'd love to have a pet--one that's in need of a home. She prefers cats, because her daughter has one and it's very lovable."
"Would you have said 'no' if she told you she was bringing one home?"
"Nah, I can't refuse her anything. In fact I got used to having him around, and actually love the little guy. He's a handful though because he's special needs."
Did he just say special needs? My thoughts went wild thinking that perhaps the cat is missing a paw or a leg. I had to ask, you know I did, folks!
"So, what was the special needs part of him?"
"He's got dementia."
This is where I had my eye-popping moment. I have never heard of cat-dementia. Does it lead to Catsheimer's? How does cat dementia present itself? I snapped out of my thoughts and inquired about those thoughts I was just thinking. He replied...
"Well, the cat is forgetful. It doesn't recognize the litter box half the time. It climbs on our bed and pees on my pillow instead. It cries when it's removed from the bedroom and the door is shut. He doesn't like being placed on the closed-in porch even though he has a cat-gym and tree to climb on while looking out at the lake.
"Have you thought of putting little diapers on him to prevent leaks inside the house?" Yeah, I was kidding, of course.
"That wouldn't work. He'd just tear it off."
I started thinking about a cat in a diaper and then my imagination added mittens keeping the diaper from being clawed off. 
I could see he really loved the cat, and wouldn't mind cat-sitting him when Marie went on another visit to her daughter's house, I just let him ramble on about how happy Marie is to have the cat. I'm still lost in thoughts ... So what if all your bedding is trashed, now, and you need new window treatments and you probably never liked the sofa, anyway. Or more like, you used to love that sofa but the cat-boss threw you off, so now you must sit on the outdoor chaise lounge in your own living room. I could go on, but at what point would I realize that it's a personal matter of loving a special need's pet.
I must say, it's things like this that make me think how relieved I am to never have to worry about a cat with dementia ... I am allergic!
That's all she purrrrred for this edition of The Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time-- Laugh hard, Laugh often!
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| |  | Libertalien (ASR)
Some nonresident aliens don't pay taxes. Dialogue 500 entry.
#2318861 by Jeff  |
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Santeven Quokklaus  won a Merit Badge in response to a question I posed on this newsletter: "Comedy Newsletter (March 13, 2024)"
What's the best prank you've played?
Or best prank played on you?
If I think the prank is all that ... you may be a Merit Badge winner!
Steven's reply:
"When I was a teacher, the three teachers of the classes in the final year of primary school got together and, on April 1, the students came into class. They knew there was some statewide testing coming up and so when they saw the whiteboards with students told to go to various classes based on their surnames, they didn't think anything of it. It was standard for the time of year, and having all 3 classes involved they didn't even think about it being April 1.
It was maths. The test we handed out started as a standard (if not slightly easy) test for their age group (12-13 yo). They didn't suspect a thing. Until they turned to page 2. The maths there was taken from a year 10 (15-16 yo) textbook. Page 3 was from a 1987 matriculation maths exam. Page 4 was a 1st year university maths test. The students stared blankly at the pages and panic crossed their faces. This testing was supposed to go on their permanent school records!
After fifteen minutes - we'd set this up - all three of us teachers moved to the doors of our three rooms, looked at one another, and yelled out a joint, "April Fools!"
You have never seen such relief in your life!
Thank you, Steven. Loved that April Fools' prank played on the students. 
Responses from "Comedy Newsletter (April 10, 2024)"
Merry_Mikey 
Except for the fact that your home wasn't demolished around you - lucky you! - this reminds me so much of The Money Pit
That's funny, Mike, since I often use that term myself when talking about all those little projects.
Thank you for the feedback, folks!
See you next month.
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