 Short Stories: October 25, 2006 Issue [#1342] |
  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Vivian  
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Hi, I'm the guest editor this week, and I hope to share a bit of what I've learned from studying, reading, and writing.
Next week's editor: Vivian - Oh, that's me!
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Too Much Detail Stops the Flow
The angry man strode toward the French doors. The tall windows reflected the fire burning in the fireplace. The antique furniture shone with a high gloss. Candles provided the only light other than that of the fire. A glass of liquid sat beside a cut glass container on a small table in front of one sofa. A Persian rug covered high gloss wood floors.
The above paragraph describes a lovely room, doesn't it? What it doesn't do is move the story along. Unless all those details are needed for plot, then they don't belong in a short story. Any that are needed should be woven into the story in such a way that the flow of the story isn't disrupted.
The angry man strode toward the French windows. His anger blinded him, but even if he wanted to see outside, the windows reflected only the fire burning in the fireplace.
"What were you thinking?" He whirled to face the woman who sipped from a glass before placing it on the table.
Two of the details are included into the action, giving enough detail to help the reader "see" what happens without detrailing the plot.
Sometimes I've received reviews wanting to know more details than given or needed in the story. Short means just that, short. Everything cannot be included that would be found in a novel. An author needs to know what to include and what to eliminate to make the story alive and moving. Readers need to realize that wanting to know more about the characters doesn't mean that more information is needed, but that the writer did a good job of making the characters believable and interesting.
Here's a sample of my short story writing. Hopefully I weave any details into the story well enough that the flow isn't disrupted.
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From Our Readers
Since next week is my regular Short Stories Newsletter, I thought maybe I'd divide feedback from my last newsleter (about show not tell) between this issue and next week's.
I often do some editing of the mechanics and spelling of comments.
namra
Interesting highlight. Incidentally, this is some of the things I am still working on.
There is no second chance for the first impression, I've heard. And the first sentence is a story first impression.
I would want to know further whether the first line should directly reflect the story's "tone" in overall, or can it be vary as in the line started out pleasant, but the story is about horror. Is that wise?
That type of beginning works well if you want to surprise the reader with a twist.
I am a new writer and article such as this are priceless. I hope you don't mind giving out your thoughts on my first opening:
1. "I grew up as a boy playing with teddy bears, dolls and reading Mallory Towers."
- For a story I wrote about family relation titled - Journey of the Pollen
That introduction does catch one's attention.
2. It’s a mundane day at the store that is about to get interesting.
- The first line for my comedy piece titled : I am not Bradd Pitt.
This example makes one thing the store is about to get interesting. The sentence doesn't grab me and make me want to read more.
vloveskyle12
"Anger" is a good poem for people who have anger isusse, which I have.
I don't have anger problems, but I have been around people who do. Therefore, I was able to "show" the anger.
Andrew 
Thanks for this, Viv! I always hear people talking about showing and not telling, but they don't really give good examples. This newsletter most certainly did!
`ACB
I'm glad I was able to help.
dusktildawn
Hi, Vivian: Your two little words are words I tend to write quite often in my indepth reviews ... "show" the reader instead of "writing" it to the reader. The example you created was amazing. I will be keeping this for future reference so I have a PERFECT example as to what those two words truly mean. Thank you so much for sharing. This was a great Newsletter!
Thank you for the complement. I try to give good examples where needed, but I think this is the first time anyone called one perfect. 
billwilcox
Hey, Viv, (I'm hot for teacher!)
I seem to be running into the opposite end of this problem of show NOT tell; I want to show too much and my sentences begin to run-on. What's the remedy for this?
First of all I would suggest an ice pack and then a visit to your eye doctor or, even better, your therapist. Oh, the remedy for run-on sentences - hmmmm ... Give them sneakers so that they can run faster.
I had to end on a note of humor, and Bill is very good at adding a laugh or two.
I enjoyed being the guest editor this week, and I hope you will join me again next week for my regular Short Story Newsletter.
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