 Action/Adventure: January 24, 2007 Issue [#1504] |
  Action/Adventure
This week: Edited by: Puditat  
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Life without action is static, and by necessity, it would therefore be dead. Action writing takes the normal and shares it for all to live vicriously.
Adventure is the spice: the exciting, adrenalin-pumping, thrill that makes one feel so alive. Everyone has an adventuresome spirit. Maybe dreams of excavating some long-lost treasure, visiting a new country, or trying a new flavour of potato chip.  Some of us prefer our adventures to come between the pages of a book, and many of us like to write that adventure.
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** Word Choice **
When we write, the words we choose are often fine -- pefectly correct, in fact. However, those words may not be the best way of saying something. It can be an interesting journey learning to recognise when something is not incorrect, per se, but could be expressed better.
Let's take a look at an example.
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Example
Jennifer began to feel her way through the maze, letting her hands run lightly over the hedge. After what seemed like three hours of wandering it was beginning to grow dark. She appeared to grow weary, and with it the panic started to grow.
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In this example there are a few words that serve to make the reader feel like they're being relayed the action through a middle party (the narrator), rather than being right in there with the character, experiencing her journey.
These words are: began, appeared, seemed, and started. None of these words are wrong, yet used in this way they have a negative impact on the story.
Let's try this again.
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Amended version
Jennifer entered the maze, letting her hands run lightly over the hedge as she walked. After three hours of wandering, the shadows deepened from a welcome grey to black, and a chill now caressed her arms. Her feet no longer stepped lightly, instead dragging in weary dejection. Panic simmered uncomfortably at the edge of her mind.
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Here are my few little rules I use in my own writing:
Rule 1 ~ Utilise verbs
An active verb is always a better choice, so in the example we have "entered" instead of "began to".
Rule 2 ~ Be direct
Words such as "appeared" and "seemed" are observing cues. I believe they also have the effect of making the author look like they are not sure of their own story. In is more desirable to be direct.
So "seemed like three hours" becomes the much more direct "three hours".
If the meaning required is to make the character feel like she was wandering for three hours, when she'd only been in the maze for two, then you could use something like, 'Glancing at her watch she was surprised to find it was only 2 hours since she came into the maze. "Feels more like three," she muttered.'
Rule 3 ~ Be descriptive (Show)
"appeared weary" can be more interestingly conveyed to the reader with some description. The amended version shows Jennifer's mood and actions, rather than telling. In the second example a contrast is drawn between how her feet move, providing a visual clue, and her mental state is given both visual and active indicators.
Rule 4 ~ Use your character's Point of View
If something must 'seem' or 'appear', then make sure it comes from the character and not the narrator. For example, 'time seemed to pass slowly for Jennifer' is a narrator's observation. A better option would be to relay if from the character's point of view: 'Jennifer later told her Mum, "time just seemed to drift by so slowly".'
So, that's my tips for this week. Happy writing!
Puditat |
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Thanks for all you've put into this Puditat! My personal favorite was Two Towers, but Return of the King almost ties with it so... I'm happy 
dogfreek21
Oh, me too!
Thanks, Puditat, for including my poem "The Mountain" in your highlighted items. Life is the greatest adventure, isn't it?
Vivian 
You're more than welcome, Viv. I absolutely agree with you about life, also. 
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