 Action/Adventure: February 21, 2007 Issue [#1558] |
  Action/Adventure
This week: Edited by: Puditat  
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Life without action is static, and by necessity, it would therefore be dead. Action writing takes the normal and shares it for all to live vicriously.
Adventure is the spice: the exciting, adrenalin-pumping, thrill that makes one feel so alive. Everyone has an adventuresome spirit. Maybe dreams of excavating some long-lost treasure, visiting a new country, or trying a new flavour of potato chip.  Some of us prefer our adventures to come between the pages of a book, and many of us like to write that adventure.
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Word Choice : Repetition
I decided to further my information on the choice of words in writing. I have a few little 'bugbears' so perhaps I'll tackle them one at a time over a few issues of the newsletter.
One of my 'pet peeves' is repetition. First, I'll clear this up - there are times when repetition is desired. It may be used to emphasize a point, provide 'soft' clues to the plot, inject humour, or reinforce a mood/feeling. Repetition is also a often used and valid tool in poetry.
Those are all fine and acceptable uses of repetition.
The ugly side? Repetition can dull a story. With so many wonderful, creative ways to explain, describe and embroil your characters, scenes, setting and action, repetition take the shine off a little. When words are used to an extreme they can bug the reader, becoming obvious and annoying. If this happens, they become bored and/or frustrated. You've lost your reader.
Levels of repetition
 Slipped by the Radar
This one is so very easy to do, and is often spotted by a fresh reader. You can easily spot the ones done by mistake, because it is not a common fault throughout the item. They are also simple to fix, usually only requiring a single word exchange.
This is an example of an accidental repetition:
Jennifer masked her eyes with a hand, afraid to look at the hideous eight-legged beasts in their cages. She couldn't understand why Simon wanted to show her the arachnids. He knew she was afraid, but perhaps that was the reason. He always masked his true feelings with some ill-conceived and torturous idea.
Habitual
Repetition can be a habit -- a bad habit.
The way we talk is often very casual. The things we say often do not translate well, if noted word for word and verbal sound for verbal sound. If you listen to one end of a phone conversation, you could quite likely hear:
Hello. Yes. Maybe. Yeah, we could. I dunno. What do you think? Yes. Not that! Okay. Bye. Yes, I will. Bye
At least that is what you might hear in my household.  See how this one side is repetitive. I think it provides a clue as to why repetition is found in writing. We can tend to think, and therefore write, as if we were chatting with someone, letting our ideas run unfiltered.
This is not a bad thing, but it does require some editing to 'tidy it up'.
Now let's look at a more serious example.
As soon as the phone slammed to the cradle as hard as Peter could, he let loose a tirade of anguish. For as long as he'd been living in Toronto, this had been happening.
I have run into this very problem with "as" today as I was sourcing items to feature in the newsletter. It does happen.
Writing of this sort needs more than a simple word exchange here and there. The sentences could do with a good shake to remove the repetitive words, then cut up, rearranged and injected with some new life (i.e. fresh words).
Synonyms and alternative descriptions
Sometimes authors tend to not think about alternatives for describing something in their story. It could be a character, object, emotion, etc.
Example of object:
Saul placed the staff in Jacob's right hand and smiled kindly. Jacob, held the staff firmly, testing its weight and balance in his grip. Holding the staff aloft, he let forth a yelp of joy. He'd made it.
Instead of the repeated word, synonyms/descriptions could be: polished wooden pole, rod.
Example of person:
Edith stared down at the little boy. He whimpered under Edith's glare. Edith was not a woman to be trifled with; his mother often told him that. It was too late to remember that now as he faced Edith's displeasure over the breaking of her garden ornament.
To show alternatives I will rewrite it:
Edith stared down at the little boy. He whimpered under the elderly lady's glare. Mrs Cartwright was not a woman to be trifled with; his mother often told him that. It was too late to remember that now as he faced Edith's displeasure over the breaking of her garden ornament.
I hope these tips may be useful to someone out there.
Till next month,
Puditat
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In this week's highlighted items I have chosen a range of items that include 'Action/Adventure' as one of the three genre options. From poetry to short stories, the subject not only crosses distinctions of genre but also of item type.
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 Thanks for your good example. Showing me how tentative those waffling words sound will help me to remember not to use them.
Wren
I'm glad you found it helpful. Thanks for letting me know. 
Thank you for a highly enlightening newsletter.
I am often being urged to 'show', not 'tell' readers my story, something which I try to do, but never seem to get the hang of it.
I regularly read through my stiories and find nothing drastically wrong with the actual words, but I can't put my finger on what is making my story so lifeless.
The example you used is exactly what I need to apply to my own stories.
I think you have solved one of my major problems when it comes to writing - thank you.
Lothmorwel
 Wow! I'm grateful my own experiences can help out.
Great newsletter. I often find myself telling instead of showing the action in a scene and it really takes the reader out of the story. Great examples. Thanks.
cursorblock
It is my pleasure. Thanks for the lovely feedback.
Thanks Puditat. Another helpful newsletter.
vcarce
You're very welcome! 
A great newsletter and words to write by. Thanks for all your insight,
-Bill
billwilcox
Awww, thanks Bill.
Puditat. These word tips are shown very well. I appreciate that you didn't try to cover too much in one letter. I can grasp and remember better in small doses.
It was another great letter! Thanks.
esprit
Thank you.  Thanks also for the comments on fewer points. That is something I will try to apply in future newsletters. I usually seem to end up writing quite long ones.
Excellent newsletter, Puditat. I liked your examples. ~~ Viv
Vivian 
Thank you, Viv.  |
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