 Comedy: April 18, 2007 Issue [#1660] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: elizm446
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I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
~Rodney Dangerfield
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You know, parents, you’re never too old to traumatize your children.
About two years ago, I made a little blog entry, "Invalid Entry" (the entry is E-rated). The entry was simply about me not being able to find my childhood teddy bear. I had other stuffed animals when I was a kid but my teddy bear was my absolute favorite. His name was Pooky. I had had him since I was two years old. We had to move around a lot when I was growing up. We moved a total of nine times. Pooky was one of the few toys that had never gotten lost or stolen in the process.
Anyway, when I got old enough to move out of the house, Pooky was one of things I left in my old room at my parent's house. I figured he would be safe there. Every time I would crash at my parents’ house, Pooky was there in my old room. In the summer of 2005, I noticed he was missing. I asked questions but no one seemed to know anything. I never pressed the issue because I would end up being distracted by something else. However, a couple of months ago I finally got a place that I could afford without needing roommates. When I was settled in, I went to my parents’ to get some of my things that I had stored there plus Pooky.
I asked my mom where Pooky was and I finally got some answers. Certainly not the answers I wanted though …
Me: Where's Pooky?
Mom: Who?
Me: You know, my teddy bear.
Mom: Oh. I didn’t realize you still wanted that thing.
Me: That thing is one of the few memories I have left from childhood. Everything else was lost in the moves.
Mom: *looks away*
Me: Mom?
Mom: *silence*
Me: Mom? Did something happen with him?
Mom: Remember that yard sale your father and I had two years ago?
Me: Yeah. I already don’t like where this is going …
Mom: It was on the floor, I assumed you didn’t want it.
Me: *silence*
Mom: Mia?
Me: I need ... I need to process this.
Mom: The last time you stayed the night, you left him on the floor. I thought you didn’t want it.
Me: So … so … th-the teddy bear I had for over 20 years is now gone. It’s gone. That’s ... that's what I’m hearing here, right?
Mom: I just …
Me: Somehow he fell on the floor and … instead of just taking the five seconds necessary to put it back on the bed, you decided to just sell him?
Mom: I thought you didn’t want it.
Me: Oh god …
Mom: *sighs*
Me: In a yard sale, you’re supposed to sell your things.
Mom: I thought you didn’t –
Me: You thought I didn’t want him, yeah I got that. Why didn’t you just call and ask? I mean, was it taking up that much space that you felt you needed to get rid of it?
Mom: I feel bad about this. I didn’t think it would be a big deal –
Me: If you didn’t think it would be a big deal then why didn’t you tell me sold it? More importantly, why didn’t you tell me all this when I first asked you about it?
Mom: Well … because when you first asked me, I immediately realized I made a mistake.
Me: I see.
Mom: I am really sor –
Me: You know, the next time you come over to my home and you sit down and set your purse on the floor, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you don’t want it.
Mom: Okay, now you’re just being –
Me: And since it’s on my floor and you don’t want it, I’m gonna sell it.
Mom: *walks away*
Me: *calls after her* And then, when your coat accidentally falls on the floor, I’ll sell that too!
I’m only laughing to mask the pain. 
I’ll be expecting lots of sympathy in my reader feedback.
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#1136956 by Not Available. |
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fleckgirl: Mia - another GREAT Newsletter! Your stories are very entertaining and although the "Dominoes" story was incredulous, it still lends itself to believability and drew me in as a reader. Loved it! And your featured items were great too. Keep up the great work!
It’s all true, I swear. 
spazmom  : Oh, love that dialogue!! I used to own a pizza store, and can totally relate, although, NEVER had a customer like that!! what a hoot. ;)
You owned a pizza store, huh? We should definitely talk then.
Breezy-E ~ In College : Nice NL. It could've been worse, you know. I know a guy who's cell phone had the same number a Pizza Hut used to have! He got a lot of calls, sometimes from people who wouldn't take "wrong number" for an answer!
Breezy-E
I once had a customer call and actually ask me for Pizza Hut’s number.
Tigger thinks of Prancer : Mia - you kick cheese!
I know. 
Holly Jahangiri : This is great, Mia! I shared it with my husband, who usually only listens to me with half an ear, and he laughed, too. 
Awesome. 
Vivian  : Mia, I appreciate good humor, not good at writing it, but still enjoy it. Good job. ~~ Viv
Thanks, Vivster!
billwilcox: Mia!
Too funny, girl Keep it up! I loved to see what you've got to say about all those hilarious Info-mercials that bombard our TV sets everyday...
Hmmm. Now there’s an idea …
Mariposa : Tell us more about the robberies... 
No. 
terryjroo: Mia!! Leave it to you to be mean to the customer and garner a big tip for the driver because of it! You ROCK!!
Hey, I wasn't mean! Come on, anyone would have done the same thing!
There’s a lot of love in this NL. 
Submit any Comedy items, E through 18+, that you’d like to see featured here!
And don’t unsubscribe … or I’ll come after you. {e:menacing look}
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