 Comedy: June 13, 2007 Issue [#1769] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: elizm446
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
- Steve Martin
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True story. I swear.
In my freshmen year of college, I lived in an all girls dorm. I had a big room with two awesome roommates, and everyone on my floor (including myself) loved playing pranks. It’s almost as if the college admissions board purposefully placed us all on one hall so we would only torment each other and leave everyone else alone.
One prank that was done at least once a week during the school year was the shower gag. The same two girls always pulled this one. They were roommates and their room was the closest to the bathrooms. The shower gag was very simple: they’d wait until the unsuspecting girl was in the shower then they went in and took her towel and robe. Then about ten minutes later we’d see the girl running down the hall wrapped in a soaking wet shower curtain screaming and swearing about how it wasn’t funny. They tried to get me once but I caught them.
We used to get into water fights all the time. At first we had bought these cheap little guns from the dollar store and we’d attack each other in the hall. But when the warm weather came around, things got serious. We went to Wal-Mart and got super-soakers. Most of us had morning classes which gave us the rest of the day to fool around. Our dorm was on a grassy hill and we used to run all over it. Eventually our RA confiscated all our water guns because we kept shooting each other indoors.
The girls in the dorm next to us weren’t too bright. They bought a slip ‘n slide, which is cool, but they set it up all wrong. They placed it so it was aimed downhill. My hallmates and I watched in disbelief as they ran, slid, hit the bump, and tumbled out of the slide and down the hill. It looked as painful as it sounded. Morons.
Anyway ...
I remember one night, one of the girls on my hall kept knocking on my door and running away during a study session. So I grabbed a bucket, filled it with water, walked to her room, and dumped it under her door. Did I mention our dorm had hard wood floors? So even though her door was closed, all that water poured right in her room. Once I heard her yelling, I left and went back to studying.
During my freshmen year, I had pulled my fair share of pranks like everyone else but what set me apart is that no one had ever really gotten me back. Until one night …
I came back from evening class only to discover that my beloved teddy bear, Pooky, was not on my bed like he usually was. I, of course, grilled my roommates but I couldn’t get anything out of them. I tore the room apart looking for him but he was nowhere to be found. I noticed I had a message on my voicemail. I checked it. It was one of the girls talking in a disguised voice saying that if I ever wanted to see my bear again, I’d have to pay a ransom. After I hung up the phone, I went all over the dorm to look for Pooky but still couldn’t find him. Later that night, all the freshmen were required to attend some lecture about fire safety in the auditorium. The lecture lasted about an hour and my roommates and I headed back to our room. When we got off the elevator, we noticed a large crowd in the hallway. We pushed our way through to find out what was going on.
And what I saw made me cry out in horror.
Hanging from the hallway ceiling with a rope around his neck, was my teddy bear.
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Satuawany  : I don't care who you are. When the word "poop" goes into an apartment memo, that's worth a snort of trying-to-laugh-quietly. And then having coffee go up my nose. Really, I think I just have an unnaturally high laughing-likelihood whenever I see that word. Anywhere. POOP! 
Same here, except I've never had coffee go up my nose.
Mavis Moog  : Aha, so that's what a good sense of humour is; the ability to be amused easily. That's not grinning foolishness then?
I always thought a good sense of humour was a highly developed sense of the ridiculous, with healthy dose of philology and excellent lateral thinking skills. But then there are as many opinions on this one as there are clowns and satirists.
 Now I'm the grinning fool.
I couldn't agree with you more, Mavis. 
Tigger thinks of Prancer : Mia thanks for the bathroom humor.
Anytime.
fleckgirl:Mia - Thanks so much for noticing my promotion!
Much appreciated~
And again, this newsletter was great reading!
I L VE your Newsletter stories because we can all relate to them. That POOP story was hysterical and seems to be a prominent issue in more & more neighborhoods!  Robert-don't take it personal - Your newsletters are great too!
Thanks, Fleck girl!  And hey - no shout outs to other editors in my newsletters! My feedback is supposed to be all about ME and how great I am!
Mark :
Dear Windsor Crossing Residents,
We have instituted a new policy. Effective immediately, all pet owners must register each pet, along with leaving a DEPOSIT. This DEPOSIT will not be one you can pick up immediately, but, if you prove to be responsible picking up other DEPOSITS, we will let you pick up this one after one year. (Don't worry, while it may not be fresh, it will still smell just as green. Hopefully, our community will remain fresh.)
See? I knew there was a better way to write that letter! Now why couldn't they have come up with that?
Mariposa : Wow, was the letter also that horribly written, or was that your own bad typing? 
Good thing you have the bucket o' poo from last convention, huh?
Har-dee Har Har. Was that your attempt at a joke?  As I said, like three different times in the newsletter, I typed the letter exactly the way they did. Try to keep up, Mari.
Keep the feedback coming, readers, and submit comedy items you’d like to see featured here!
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