 Spiritual: March 26, 2008 Issue [#2297] |
  Spiritual
This week: Edited by: larryp
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Who will not mercy unto others show, How can he mercy ever hope to have?
~~Edmund Spenser, 16th Century English poet
Gather therefore the Rose, whilst yet is prime, For soon comes age, that will her pride deflower: Gather the Rose of love, whilst yet is time.
~~Edmund Spenser
This week, we will discuss parent-offspring relationships.
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The inspiration for this newsletter came after I read and reviewed a poem by Julie D - PUBLISHED!   . In her poem “Daddy,” she wrote of the influence her deceased father had (and has) on her life. For me, as a father, this has always been an important issue – how has my life influenced my children? As I researched for this newsletter, I ran a word-search for 'dad' in Writing.com Search All Items. There were fifty-nine pages of poems, stories, articles, and images relating to the topic of 'dad.' For good or bad, these writings revealed the effect of a father-figure or the lack thereof. Dads play an important role in the lives of their offspring.
I have heard it said that children will remember the time you spent with them (or the time you didn't spend with them) more than they will remember the things you said. I remember many great times with my grandfather, but I can recall only the times missed with my father. While the times with my grandfather are great memories, and the times missed with my father are painful, I believe the words they spoke are as important. I may not remember the their specific words, but the words they spoke left a mark, some for good, some for bad.
Words of encouragement will empower a child to become his/her own person and encourage them to pursue life with a boldness and confidence. Demeaning words, words of rejection, will build insecurity and leave deep emotional and spiritual scars. Words of love will build trust; angry words will build walls between fathers and children.
It's not easy to be a father. I have four children, three step-children, and six grandchildren – experience has shown the difficulty of fatherhood. Along the way, I did some wonderful things for my children, but I also made many mistakes. I failed on far more than one occasion to be there when they needed me and when my first marriage was failing, depressed, I withdrew some of my fatherly nurturing responsibilities. One of things I have learned in life is there are no do-overs. A person only gets one shot at raising a child. There was a time I condemned myself for the failures as a father, until I learned that I needed to forgive two people – my dad and me.
Because of the anger that was imprisoned inside me, I exposed that anger to my children. Because I had a low self-esteem, I failed to recognize how much my children needed my guidance. I tried to be a better dad than my father had been, but I regret that I judged my dad so harshly. I regret that I spent so many years in self-pity. But one cannot live with regret for too long, for life goes on, and if we stop, it will pass us by. Looking back at failed opportunities will cause depression and withdrawal. It is the opportunities we are given today that matter.
When I concentrated on failures as a father, I didn't have a relationship with my adult children. When I looked at where we are today and began to build on that, respecting and loving my kids and grandchildren, I found the relationships with my children improved.
Your parents weren't perfect, neither will you be. When you buy a new car or appliance, you receive a manual of instructions, but there is no manuals for raising children each step along the way. A few have tried to write these manuals, but due to the uniqueness of the human character, they have failed to give clear-cut, fail-safe directions for raising children. Much grace, mercy, and forgiveness are required along the way, by parent and offspring alike. The main thing is to be real with one another and yourself. When you blow it, admit it and ask forgiveness, whether you are the parent or the offspring. Harboring hatred and anger has a trickling effect, it trickles into all relationships the carrier attempts to establish.
Often, the pains inflicted by a parent are very deep wounds and the road to forgiveness is not easily-traveled. It was five years after his death before I truly forgave my dad and let go of the hatred I carried for so many years. But it was a journey I am glad I took. I am now free from the anger and bitterness and have a very good relationship with my wife Melody, and the relationships with my adult children are growing steadily stronger. I am a writer today because of the things I wrote in a journal on the road to recovery from a wretched past. I am poet today because I learned to love a woman so deeply that I wrote a love poem for her.
Anyone who has gone through addiction rehabilitation will tell you that the process is exhaustingly painful, so too is the road to recovery from a past of hatred, anger, and bitterness. But in the poetic words of Sixteenth Century poet Edmund Spenser, Gather therefore the Rose, whilst yet is prime, For soon comes age, that will her pride deflower: Gather the Rose of love, whilst yet is time.
Begin the journey today, while there is yet time. Do it for yourself and for those you love. |
The following are Writing.com authors stories and poems about “Dad”
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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The Spiritual Newsletter editors truly appreciate the support and encouragement of those who faithfully read the newsletters. Thanks to each one of you.
Some comments about my last newsletter, shared by readers:
faithjourney
Thanks for the great newsletter on receiving help from others. I was nervous about putting my writing on Writing.com for rating and review, but have to admit that I have found the feedback tremendously valuable. Now I wouldn't dream of doing edits or a final draft until it's been rated and reviewed here by readers and writers first! You guys have been a lifesaver for me, and no doubt have helped me to become a better writer. Thanks!
Thank you Sherri
I only began to improve as a writer when I became humble enough to receive help. Thanks for your continual valuable feedback to the newsletters.
Larry
esprit
Larry, I liked this editorial. Accepting help is a toughie for most writers, even if we know we need it. Though you're speaking to experienced writers here, novice writers have the unique problem of not knowing which of their reviewers to trust. As you say, not all help is going to be the right help through the fault of no one. Especially when both are new to the craft.
I enjoyed the letter, it contains a lot of common sense and encouragement.
Thank you esprit
You have made a good point. It is important to find those who are willing to give good, honest feedback, not only in reviewing, but in all of life. Thanks for your encouraging feedback.
Larry
Lauriemariepea
hi, larry--
loved the message this week! i am a big fan of humility, although as i'm human i struggle with it on occasion like everyone else...
you are right about accepting assistance from others. in our field, especially, feedback can make the difference between a well-intentioned misfire and an inspiring tale that connects with readers. thanks for the reminder.
laurie
Hi Laurie
Thanks for stopping by with your feedback. When it comes to being humble, I find I often take 'one step forward and two back.' When I first began writing poetry, I thought my original draft was 'laid in stone,' not to be tampered with - was I ever in for an eye-opener.
johnjohnny
Hi Larry. This newsletter, for me, has been an inspiration. Thank you. The most important thing I've learned during my past year+ on this site is to welcome the help that others have given me. Just about everything I write is intensely personal and emotional (thats why I write), and it's difficult to focus on grammar, structure, etc. when ones emotions are so tied to the piece. By accepting and embracing the suggestions of my friends here at WDC, I believe I am becoming a good poet and storyteller.
Thanks for inspiration.
John
John,
Your words mirror my own thoughts on this subject. Many writers embrace their writings as their babies, and this they are - but even infants must be allowed to grow.
Thanks for your valuable insight, and a good poet and storyteller you have become indeed.
Larry
enviro
I love receiving newsletters from WDC. They are one of the many things that keep me writing. I just subscribed to this one and really enjoyed what I read. I sent you a story that I wrote that had reminded me of what you wrote.
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I hope you enjoy it. May God Bless
-ENviro
ENviro,
I am truly delighted that you enjoyed the last newsletter and thank you for subscribing to the Spiritual Newsletter.
Zeke 
I couldn't agree more with your point about constructive reviews. Until we become perfect writers, help can only make us better.
Thanks Zeke,
I agree, and knowing this, I shall always need help, for the realm of perfection tends to elude mankind.
Wren
Well done.
Thank you Wren!
Tracy63
I just read your Spiritual newsletter. I thought it gave very good advice about accepting
help.
I come from the music field where I performed in the Army Bands program. I was never the best musician I knew but I was never the worst either. I learned so much from the musicians around me. I must confess I 'm still learning how to take help as a writer.
Much has transfered over in the creative process from being a regularly performing
musician to a writer, but after reading your edition of the newsletter I probably need to
pay more attention to some of my reviews.
Thanks for such well handling of the subject
Tracy
Tracy,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences in two fields - music and writing. In life, all is a learning process. Accepting help with my writing was a slow process for me, but a rewarding one. I appreciate your desire to improve and to accept new challenges in life. My wife is a musician and she would agree with your thoughts on learning from others. She is in a choir and switched from alto to tenor for a shortage of men; she was required to learn much from those around her.
Larry
Spiritual Newsletter editors:
SophyBells 
Puditat
kittiara
larryp
Next week's editor:
kittiara
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