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Do you need to unplug? Read below and follow my guidelines for how to unplug from the Internet in seven easy steps!
A Seven Step Program to Kick Your Internet Addiction
Step 1 - Rush home from work in a panic because tornado warnings are close to being established. Watch in horror as the trees in your yard whip around dangerously. Be unable to see anything else because the power has gone out and the world is dark.
Step 2 - Spend three days without power.
Step 3 - Do not give into temptation to unplug your deep freeze from the generator so you can plug your DSL router and laptop into the generator so you can log in and check your email.
Step 4 - Wake up in horror the third day to find out that all of the switching you did with the generator between the refridgerator and the deep freeze made no difference. Catalog all of the food that spoiled as a result of no refridgeration. Celebrate when the power comes back on, but only a moment because you have to run around and reset every clock and close every window because the air conditioner is running at full blast, where it was last running when the power went out.
Step 5 - Spend several days retrieving the prices of everything that was in your refridgerator at various grocery stores so you don't have time to think about the fact that your email hasn't been checked for several days and you can now get online because the power is back on.
Step 6 - Spend additional time replenishing the missing food in your refridgerator and freezer.
Step 7 - When you can finally spend time online, take your laptop to a repair shop to see if they can retrieve some lost files that you absolutely need. Be without a laptop for several days.
If none of this works, you will do as I did and borrow a computer from someone - like work, for me - to feed your addiction. Really, though, if I had no newsletter due, I wouldn't have borrowed the laptop. So I say and so it is.
Let me know how your addiction kicking trials go! I bet not nearly as fun as mine!
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Comedy: June 11, 2008 Issue [#2400]
So I say and so it is.
