 Comedy: October 01, 2008 Issue [#2641] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: The Milkman  
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| Life on the road can be one laugh after another... as lng as you learn to talk with yourself. |
| ASIN: B083RZ2C5F |
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Now that you are on the road a majority of the time what things do you wish
were invented to help benefit your lifestyle?
The Idiot Driver Indicator Laser:
You are in the inside or slow lane on the interstate, you look to your mirrors and discover that you are boxed in by a line of cars on your left. You can't do the proper thing and move over a lane so you try and do the nice thing by slowing down and letting the merging car to go ahead of you. Lo and behold this wonderful thing behind the wheel decides to be nice back and slow down to match your speed. Seeing their brake lights you decide to speed up to take the space they don't want. They see you accelerate and they think you, the 70' vehicle, wants to play chicken and they speed up as well. You get frustrated and you step harder on the accelerator to make the motorist hopefully make the right decision and adjust to you taking the space, which they don't... they step harder on the gas pedal and shoot out in front of you...
With my new invention you can get even with them with just a push of a button. The Idiot Driver Indicator Laser will etch a sign into the rear of their vehicle that reads, "I'm an Idiot behind the wheel!" There is no amount of bodywork, save for replacement, that take this sign off of the vehicle.
The Architect:
You've just spent several hours on the road when you come to your delivery point and notice that you have a severe challenge on your hands... fitting your 70' vehicle in a spot that was made for shorter vehicles. Instead of idle threats of stringing the designers of this building up by the fingernails of their drawing hands, you push another button on your dash and wait as the building, parking lot or loading dock redesigns and rebuilds itself (at the expense and the bewilderment of the company). If it weren't for states like New Jersey and Mass. this invention wouldn't be needed.
The Traffic Sign Editor:
You would think that this device wouldn't be necessary with all of the people who speak, read and write the English language using our roads, hi-ways, bi-ways and interstates. Many of these road signs are standard worldwide, so these are already perfected, but it is signs like the ones I see alongside a Mass. Highway... “No Litter/ 50$ fine” (I'd hate to see the fine for actually littering). Or the sign in a rural PA town, “No parking during emergency vehicles towed” (How often do you see an emergency vehicle being towed?) Then you have the flashing arrows that accompany the yellow diamonds that bring your attention to a lane closure. Ohio is definitely in need of my Traffic Sign Editor because I'm always being told that a lane is closed when the flashing arrow is directing me to it.
These are just three inventions that I can think of, but I'm sure that you can think of a few more and I would love to see your ideas. Use the space provided below to leave your comments for this newsletter and your ideas for new road devices...
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| I look forward to seeing you on the road... |
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