 Comedy: February 11, 2009 Issue [#2882] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Waltz Invictus  
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"I had thought — I had been told — that a 'funny' thing is a thing of a goodness. It isn't. Not ever is it funny to the person it happens to. Like that sheriff without his pants. The goodness is in the laughing itself. I grok it is a bravery... and a sharing... against pain and sorrow and defeat."
- Valentine Michael Smith
(Robert Heinlein,
Stranger in a Strange Land) |
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SINGLES AWARENESS DAY
(Revisited)
I did this last year in "Comedy Newsletter (February 13, 2008)" , but I'm going to revisit the true meaning of Valentine's Day this year, too - mostly because my birthday falls just a few scant days later, and that's the last thing I want to think about. Nothing funny there, nope.
But enough about that. If you're in a relationship, whether it's just blossoming, bearing fruit, or, branches bare, clinging to the scant earth in defiant frustration, this newsletter isn't for you. Go read a different newsletter. I hear Fantasy's going to be good this week.
If, however, you walk alone through life... well, read on.
The most important thing about Singles Awareness day is not avoidance. It's pride. That's right. Pride. Come out of your mother's basement this Saturday and walk in the world. Don't go looking for love. You've done that already, and how'd that work out for you? But go out. Find a restaurant, preferably a nice restaurant. I know you didn't make reservations (though you surely have a few, along with regrets and snappy comebacks), but the host(ess) will certainly take pity on you, a lone diner on a night of creeping, cloying luuurve.
Walk up to the host(ess) and proudly proclaim, "One for dinner, please." A table will be found for you, even if it be at the corner of the bar. If it's at the corner of the bar, so much the better. A bit of drinking will drown out the sounds of the lovebirds all around you, and you can concentrate on your gourmet dinner of (well, you are at a bar) wings and peanuts.
Afterwards, go see a movie. For the sake of all that is holy and right with the world, do not go see a romantic comedy. No, restrict yourself to action/adventure flicks, or maybe something dark and Gothic. Sit by yourself. Make sure there is an empty seat to either side of you. You can accomplish this by making sure you eat a lot of garlic at dinner, or, perhaps, you've prepared by not showering for a few days prior to the Big Night. I mean, why bother, right?
Be sure you get a big tub of popcorn and a Coke. You don't need to sleep, anyway; it's a weekend.
The important thing is to celebrate being single. Look around you, at the restaurant and at the theater. Half of those couples will be getting into a major argument sometime in the next 24 hours.
You, however, will avoid that, by virtue of your being single.
Unless, of course, your mom hears you sneaking in late. |
In this round of picks, I've selected things that are not related to romance or the joys of being single.
And for some holidays even more bizarre than Singles Awareness Day:
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From my previous newsletter, "Comedy Newsletter (January 14, 2009)" on putting the fun in dysfunctional:
Mumsy  : Come visit anytime . . . we'll give you fodder for your newsletter. 
You already have
Thomas  : Hey! Don't sell yourself short. You might not have a Druncle Dave or a Ditsy Aunt Bitsy in your family but that doesn't mean you're not comically dysfunctional. Why I bet you have more dysfunction in your little, hang-nailed pinky then Drunk Aunt Bitsy has in her whole, nasty-smelling body. 
Ummmm... thanks?
andromeda : well, would you prefer dysfunctional? You can always use your boring stuff to make other boring people laugh. And think of all the good times so it won't seem so boring.
No, I'll stick to my boring life and continue to glean material from the rest of y'all.
Lornda  : You have to make suff up? I feel sorry for you! My 'Queen of England', British, mother-in-law and her non-stop talking, food spitting, German husband are on their way! Thanks for highlighting one of my family stories. P.S.: I told them they could stay as long as they liked.
Be careful what you wish for...
And that's all for this time, folks! Until next month,
LAUGH ON! |
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