 Comedy: March 04, 2009 Issue [#2905] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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If you're seeing green then it must be March!
Hello, folks, it is Webwitch here, taking you on another wild ride through Comedy Ville . St. Paddy's Day is soon to be upon us. I am not Irish, however, I did attend an Irish Catholic school in my youth. Let me just say, you can learn a lot from a nun, a note home to the parents and the fact that you can count on being punished twice for whatever heinous infraction of the rules you have committed. It was like this ...
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I found out early on that being punished twice is not fair. A note home from the Sister, meant no television that night, and, a severe tongue lashing for having the audacity to embarrass my parents by doing the mischievous deed. I already came home, loaded down with books for extra homework, because I was bad at school that day. I cannot tell you how many times I had to write the Catechism! Oh, by the way, that was in the second grade.  It makes you wonder what I did to deserve such a staunch punishment. Thankfully, I have erased the memory of it.
My mission in life was to avoid as much grief as possible for the remainder of my Catholic school career.  Thus, I spent many Saturdays practicing my mother's handwriting and signature. I was determined to ace this class, even though it was a boring exercise. I had already completed a week of school, and Saturday was not a day I wanted more education. Nevertheless, it had to be done.
Well, it didn't take me too many Saturdays to learn the style and that certain je ne sais quoi, of my French mother's handwriting. "Remember, keep it long and loopy," I told myself. I listen to myself often. I also talk to myself, often, but that's another story.
It didn't take too long before word of my valuable talent reached my brothers. Of course, when my older brother caught me forging my mother's name on a note she was supposed to sign, I knew the jig was up. He then proceeded to blackmail me into doing the same thing for him. My younger brother, Joe, the B-A-B-Y, was still too precious to misbehave at school. Thus, I only had to worry about writing and signing a convincing note for myself and my older brother--for the time being, that is.
My older brother, with a keen capitalistic mind, figured I had marketable talent and started charging his friends money, to allow me to write notes for them. There they were, teen after teen, standing in line with a copy of their mother's signatures, so I could sign their notes after writing the appropriate, "Dear Sister of Perpetual Litigation, I'm shocked over my son's behavior ..."
Several weeks passed by, before those dreaded report cards were due to come home. In order for this plan to work, I would need the cooperation of my little brother, so that he wouldn't be the only coming home with a report card. Surely there would be a grade that he didn't like on that report card, right? You betcha! There it was in super sized uh-oh, a blaring "D" in English. I had him in my clutches. My brother John and I filled him in on the horrors that would befall him should he show his report card to our parents. He finally agreed to become part of our little signature club.
There was one problem with the plan, it would only work if we did it every other report card semester. If we never showed our parents a report card, they would figure out that something was up.
By the time the next report card was due to come home, our mother assumed she saw the previous one. All that was required, was for us to improve a little on our worst grade. This way, Mom figured she chastised us enough from the last report, ( which she couldn't remember signing, but noticed her signature there, ) to get us to work harder at school. 
This little act of deception went on for years. I like to remember it as a necessary evil for the greater good. I was also being blackmailed into continuing my talents, by my brother, John. 
The years passed by and I became a full grown Webwitch, able to confess my past misdeeds to my mother. She laughed and said, "You know something, I wondered why my children seemed to bring home report cards less often than other kids did." Then she went over to her hutch drawer and pulled out some tattered, old booklet. "Here, WW, I want you to write your Catechism three times."
"Ma!!!"
She said my supper would wait until I finished. Dang! When will I learn to keep my mouth shut. Who said confession is good for the soul?!!! 
Well, it's a wrap, folks.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WW
 Congratulations to these two authors for hitting my funny bone, with last month's challenge to submit a humorous love story! They have both received a Comedy Merit Badge.
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So, you think you can dance? Here's the cure ...
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Self-checkout lane calamity ...
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Rest in Meese!
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So, you think you've had a bad day ...
| | A MANLY THING? (13+)
Yep, male vs female. How does the song go... "anything you can do, I can do better?"
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A poem which emphasizes a smooth flow!
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So you think you've had a crappy rating, eh?
Yeah, a self-plug--so what?!!!
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Katya the Poet
What a wonderful story! Wooee, what fun! And you let her know she was not crazy...re: sheets?!
Thank you so much, Katya! I appreciate the feedback.  Mom was relieved to know she still had her wits about her!
topsey
Hello, WW.
Love comedy?
I have this old story I re-posted a while ago.
Not sure if it qualifies as a Love Comedy, more a Looking for Love Comedy.
Great newsletter as usual.
Take care
Steve
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Thank you for the feedback and taking the challenge.
Yes, Steve, that story cracked me up!
Congratulations on your win!
Lornda  The 'change the sheet' trick ... I'm heading over to my mother's right now! Thanks for the entertaining newsletter and for highlighting one of my stories!
Yes, Lornda, let the sheet games begin!
You're welcome about the highlight. I never get enough of Lornda's Family Antics Files!
andromeda 
Cool! My problem is I'm not very easily surprised. I don't know why. But that would be so much fun! Good idea.
My mother was not easily surprised, either. That's why the Valentine's Day cover worked so well. She never knew what hit her. The sheet change was just the icing on the birthday cake for me! It was the laughter I needed in my nervousness to pull the event off, without her catching on to it. I still laugh when I think about it.
Michelle Broughton
Witty, funny and impressive way to celebrate a special day. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for the feedback. I am so glad you enjoyed it. 
drjim
Dear WebWitch,
I am submitting a comedy love story for your consideration - I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this. "Invalid Item"
Thank you so much!
Dr J
Doc, that story kept me laughing out loud! The idea of it assaults the senses in both a gross and very humorous way. Watch what you dream, it can come back to haunt you in a very real way!
Thanks for taking the challenge and congratulations on your win!
Rixfarmgirl 
Good Job on the Newsletter!
Thank you so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it!
Acme
Another ace newsletter,  WW I am sooooo going to try the 'sheet swap' prank... now, all I need is a victim
Good luck on finding the right victim for the sheet trick. Let me know how it plays out, when it does happens. Ah, a Kodak moment, indeed!
billwilcox
The fact that you featured ""The Butt Kap" " as a 'party pooper' is almost as bad as me writing it.
 What can I say Bill? Into our lives, a little poop must fall. I know, bad, Webwitch, bad, bad, Webwitch!
francie
WW ~ off you go again, writing yet another outstanding newsletter. Thinking of the changed sheets made me think of the day I found "dog poop" on the hood of my Z28 Camaro, my first new car. We had a Golden Retriever and I wondered how in the heck did she get up to poop there? Oh, the fun my son and his friends had when they confessed to placing plastic poop on the car. I felt like an idiot. as always ~ francie
Yes, Francie, children are determined to make us think we are totally daft, as often as possible. That's okay, they will have children of their own someday. Thanks for the feedback.
Remember, feedback is the food of fun! Feel free to comment on this Newsletter.
See you next month, folks!
WW
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