  Spiritual
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Looking back is not so hard, because I see
the bad things helped mold me into the person I have become.
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Looking forward is much easier now.
It's not about how one begins but how strong he finishes.
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Looking back has become easier with age. This year I will be 60 years old; depending on one's perspective, this can be very old or still young with a lot of good years left to live. I find that I am living the best years of my life and looking back, the past has lost the sting of a pain which one reached into unseen parts of my soul.
I was the second oldest of seven children raised in the home of an angry alcoholic parent. I spent many nights in fear and felt responsible for the safety of my younger siblings. I grew up not knowing the love of affectionate parents and became a person of low self-esteem. For many years, I viewed myself as a born-loser, though I was a good student, with a 3.4 grade average in high school and on the dean's honor roll the few years I attended college. A quiet child became an insecure teenager, an introverted young man, and a dysfunctional adult carrying an abundance of anger and despair.
For years, I hated my father; it was too painful to reflect upon my lack of relationship with him and on all the things that occured in our home of unrest. My adult life didn't fair well either. A dysfunctional marriage that brought four children into the world ended in divorce one month short of the possibility of celebrating a twenty-fifth anniversary. The pain of divorce and rejection mingled with the hatred of my father was almost unbearable.
But I as I approach the age of 60, I am happily married to the woman who is my soulmate; we celebrate our fifth anniversary this year. It is the first time in my life I have experienced the giving and receiving of unconditional love. At my place of employment, my bosses value my opinion and entrust me with delicate projects. Many of my self-doubts have disolved. With a new perspective on life, I began writing poetry about six years ago. I have experienced much inner-healing.
Looking back is not so hard now, because I see the bad things helped mold me into the person I have become. I work as a volunteer for a program called Family Promise that assists homeless families with children. I transport the families between the day center where they are housed during the day to various churches in our city where they sleep overnight. I have become friends with the families; their children are like grandchildren to me.
The difficult times of my past prepared me to understand the homeless families I serve and love today. The scars of life filled me with a passion and compassion I may not have had my life taken any other path. The past is no longer a source of great pain and torment, for I am now thankful for the insights I gained.
The circumstances and events that were meant to bring harm actually shaped me into a better person. Divine intervention from heaven guided me down this path that has led me to a place of great satisfaction. What I once hated, I now know was a testing ground. I am thankful that I didn't become hard and calloused. I am thankful that I didn't live a life that would have left me indifferent to the plight of others who are hurting, in need of love and acceptance. I once heard a man say that when life seems unbearable and you want to throw in the towel, you can either become bitter or you can get better. I got better and now I am living the best days of my life.
Troubles still abound and finances are tight, but I have a better understanding of the effect of trials and hardships. I learned not to allow them to destroy me. I struggled through the years of depression, hatred, and anger. It was hard, but I made it to a place of healing. I still have many questions that seem without answer and I don't downplay the turbulent years, but I do see them through a different set of eyes.
At the Family Promise day center, when I play with two toddlers, hug an eleven year old girl hungry for acceptance, and listen to the hearts of three single mothers who are trying to improve their lives through Family Promise, I understand more. When a two-year-old girl sees me coming to transport them from one of the churches to the day center and runs down the hall to jump in my arms, I understand more. I understand that the hard years were good to me and good for me, for they molded me and prepared me to give and receive this kind of love.
When I write this newsletter and share from my heart, I hope it will help others understand that the difficult times are testing grounds, molding them for a higher purpose.
I hope they will understand and know that life is worth the living.
larryp
Larry |
From around the site, writings crying out to be read:
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The editors of the Spiritual Newsletter thank you for taking time in your day to read the newsletter; responses are always appreciated and respected.
kittiara
Sophurky 
larryp
and our guest editors.
werden  states:
My question is this...
If John McCain had won the election would you still say that was evidence of the work of men and women who believed in the principles that Mr. King taught?
I didn't vote for either of them and this isn't a political question.
Shouldn't a country vote for who they think is best for the job regardless of his/her race?
The evidence will always be at work, as the we strive to improve our nation. I believe what may be termed a political question is relative to the voter. Yes, we should vote for the best person to do the job. The works of men like Martin Luther King, Jr. however made it possible for men like Mr. Obama to be seen as men capable of holding office.
windac states:
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
~~Sam Keen
Absolutely LOVE this quote! A very apt ending for a moving issue. Well done!!!
Thank you Winda, I liked the quote too.
Zeke states:
When describing love either by showing or telling, one must remember that there is a wide range of different types of love. There are parental love, spiritual love, sexual love, group love... just to name a few.
I agree Zeke and all these loves need be given and received respectfully.
Steve adding writing to ntbk.  states:
Thanks for the suggested reading list. I've only read 4 so far but plan to read others. Not only did you find some good writers you also found future stars (if they aren't already) in the writing world.
Copenator out!
Thanks for your kind response Copenator
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Spiritual: February 25, 2009 Issue [#2910]
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