 Short Stories: February 25, 2009 Issue [#2912] |
  Short Stories
This week: Dialogue in Action Edited by: KimChi  
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The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said. ~Author Unknown
Those who write as they speak, even though they speak well, write badly.
Buffon (Georges Louis Leclerc)
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| Dialogue in Action
Writing dialogue is much harder than it looks. The idea is to capture the flavor of a person's speech without writing down each word they say. We tweak the sentence, taking out the "um, well, ah, yeah" and sometimes adding a tag to show who's talking. Realistic dialogue emulates speech but is not an exact copy of the way we talk.
Realism vs. Reality
While the goal of all writing is to move the plot forward, dialogue is the perfect spot to display personality. We each have unique speech rhythms and favorite expressions. If you've been following the US elections, I betcha can't say "you betcha" in your own head without hearing Palin's soft northern twang.
You want to recreate a solid image for your fictional characters as well. If the character has an accent, mention it. Droppin' a g now and again is fine; a woulda or ain't lends a colloquial realism. Avoid too much creative spelling, as it forces the reader to slow down and translate. An y'all know whut thay-at me-yans! It means few people will stick around for the dazzling ending. Write "park the car", but trust the reader to hear "pahk the cah" when you've plopped them in a cab on the bustling streets of New York City.
Each person's speech displays their life influences. Age, background, education, country of birth, socio-economic status-all these show up in our vocabulary and grammar. The patterns laid down in childhood are difficult to change, even with education. I'm sure a psychologist can find many more tidbits of personality and past influences floating around in our phrasing.
Our choice of words also depends on mood. Angry people speak in clipped phrases and raise their voices. Relaxed people take time to think before speaking. Their tone is softer, their sentences longer.
Conversation is also a great place to provide information, but use a light touch. Nothing is more irritating than a line of dialogue that's obviously an excuse for backstory. Many times the words "as you know" will highlight this error.
Dialogue Tags
"I wish I had a dime for every time I caught a cold," she sneezed.
It's hard to laugh or snort a line of dialogue. Okay, maybe Harry Potter can hiss in Parseltongue, but the rest of us don't speak to snakes. Or howl with wolves. Stick with the basic said/asked/replied. We tend to read in blocks, skipping over the articles and filler words to get to the good stuff. "Said bookisms" draw attention to the author's word choice instead of the character's speech. "Said" is practically invisible.
"I wish I had a dime for every time I caught a cold," she said between sniffles.
Pass the Taters
Straight dialogue can be boring. You may see writers juice up the action with adverbial dialogue tags which describe how a line is delivered.
"I wish you had a handkerchief," Elena said haughtily.
Once in a while this may be appropriate, but don't overdo it. An adverb is usually telling us something instead of showing. Action speaks.
"I wish you had a handkerchief." Elena turned up her nose and smirked.
We are active when we talk. We use our hands and facial expressions to underscore our point. Social cues allow us to "read between the lines" coming from the mouth. Adding body language to a short story creates depth and realism, allowing the characters to "live" on the page. Even at a leisurely dinner, we pass the potatoes and smile.
Dialogue Checklist
Here are some general guidelines for dialogue, not hard and fast rules.
 Don't: Force your characters into unnatural or impossible speech.
"Scratch the said-bookisms!" she screeched.
Don't: Use an adverb when the action can be described or the personality trait shown.
"Shun adverbial dialogue tags," she said cockily.
Don't: Pack a story with phonetic spelling.
"But zees ees zhust zee vay I talk!"
Don't: Use dialogue as a shortcut for plot development.
"As you know, I am the youngest Commander of the entire fleet of 7,263 Newtonian fusion-powered galactic spaceships which left Earth in 2063 AD after the polar ice caps melted," said Commander Harris.
 Do: Use the characters' names in moderation.
Do: Use contractions for informal speech.
Do: Read dialogue aloud to improve punctuation and flow.
Do: Add action and body language between blocks of conversation.
Do: Minimize the number of dialogue tags. Give your characters unique personalities and you won't need many.
Do: Research. Pay attention to word choices and phrasing of people around you. For archaic speech or a foreign accent, a movie works. You can rewind it.
Hope these guidelines help you improve your dialogue. It ain't always easy to get right, but worth the effort. Besides, playing around with voices should be fun! Where else but writing will you ever hear the phrase, "Please, put words in my mouth!" 
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The Craft of Dialogue
If you think dialogue tags are a pain, try writing a story without them!
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How to punctuate a line of dialogue.
The use and abuse of dialogue tags.
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A short story illustrating realistic dialogue.
The Art of Dialogue
"Of course! Monkeys sleep wherever they want. Did you know the poop from chimpanzees looks a lot like our poop? It's all so charming."
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Evgeny looked at him. "Arsenic poisoning is national sport where I come from."
Concepción recognized the remark as a joke even though the stranger never smiled. Maybe it was half a joke.
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I let Barbara in the front door, thankful my parents slept upstairs. She defied her appearance, manic, trying not to laugh, her eyes crazy like I've never seen them before. "I need a shower."
"We get lost, you'll be in line for eternal rest." I grabbed his arm, dragging him down the softening trail.
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"I'm not pregnant! I don't have a man-friend! I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Now, now. No need to get all edgy," she said defensively. "I'm trying to be a good neighbor after all.
"You're psychic, Ma'am?"
"The universe just finds it easy to talk to me, Detective."
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The skinny officer nodded and attempted a grin. "Yessir!" Something about this man disturbed James, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
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 February's questions
 What are your pet peeves concerning dialogue? How do you keep your character's speech realistic?
 Feedback on openings
Michelle Broughton
The truth of any story depends on who does the writing. The urgency to read a book depends on the critical first line that demands you go further into its depths.
Excellent article.
Thanks!
Zeke 
I like to open my short stories with a situation involving the main character that is dramatic and will only be explained later in the story.
That'll make us read on every time.
spazmom
I think how you start a story depends on the story. I've heard you shouldn't start with dialog, but there are some stories that call for it. Personally, I like to try to grab attention with something that will draw the reader on, but it's not a set skill yet...grin
I agree openings should fit the story. It's one of the hardest parts for me to get right.
Coolhand
Great newsletter! It's packed-full of helpful hints, information, and examples. Thank you for highlighting my opening to "The Farm"--my favorite story.
You are most welcome.
NickiD89 
Hi Kimchi! Great newsletter discussing opening lines. I try to write opening lines that shock or intrigue the reader, and my favorite lines are short but have layers of meaning so that new dimensions are revealed to those who go back for a second read. I also love to start a story in the middle of the action, because it offers a wonderful chance to slip foreshadowing in through the thoughts and reactions of the characters dealing with their predicament.
Thanks for highlighting my contest!
Fantastic ideas. Thanks for the feedback.
DRSmith
I quote you: If you're like most writers, a good opening springs from the magical transformation of channeled gibberish into standard English we call "editing".
..... I LOVE it; as it's so bloody true. It should be posted and posted and posted in several NL's... a reminder to the 600k+ in here, that writing is first getting the literary manikin out of the closet, and THEN dressing it up.
Thank you for the nice comments. Glad I'm not harping too much on editing. 
drifter46
Perfect timing for this newsletter. I write short stories mainly because I prefer to get into something rather quickly rather than dwaddle. That's not to say I don't like reading novels but back to the point of opening lines.
As you said, short stories require a leap into what's going on. If for no other reason than it's a short story and you have to have an economy of words that grab your reader.
A possible opening for my current story--Out Came the Sun"
"Daddy, I won't be bad again. I promise!"
"I know." came the calm response as her father released her wrist and closed the storage bin door.
Is that enough suspense to hackle your curiosity?
Thanks for a terrific newsletter.
Definitely an intriguing opening!
sarah.g
I seem to favor starting a story bang in the middle as it begins with more action to entice the reader.
Conventional wisdom agrees with you.
Stephanie
My favorite way to start a story is with a line of dialog. But I've only done it that way once. For some reason, it just feels like I'm cheating. Or, if not cheating, that if I ever let myself do it that way, I'd start doing it that way all the time, and then my openings would become predictable and boring.
I honestly feel like, if you just... think about the story for a while... you'll just know where it starts. And then you just open your eyes and capture that feeling in words.
Thanks! Everything in moderation, right?.
I appreciate each comment on the newsletter. Thanks for taking the time to leave your impressions.  Do you have a topic to suggest or an opinion on some aspect of short stories? Send it in!
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