 Spiritual: September 16, 2009 Issue [#3278] |
  Spiritual
This week: Edited by: NaNoKit  
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This week's Spiritual Newsletter is about relationships, and differences in faith within a relationship. Can it work? I think it can, and my Editorial illustrates why I believe this.
kittiara |
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Relationships can be complicated. For other species, there appear to be some guidelines. Swans tend to stick together for the duration of their lives. Cheetah females raise their cubs on their own. At least these species know what to expect. With humans, expectations differ. Some people want to get married and live happily ever after, whilst others try to avoid marriage at all cost. A common trend appears to be that when the going gets even ever so slightly tough, you run!
I think this is regretful. Relationships need nurturing. At first it tends to be all roses and butterflies, but some of this will fade over time when life takes over. In-between bills, work, possibly the raising of children and the tedium daily routines can cause at times, it’s simply not going to be like Hollywood movies make us think it should be.
That said, there is a huge reward waiting for those who do work on their relationships and manage to make it last. Those butterflies turn into an enduring love, respect and friendship. You know that you have a companion by your side who will be there for you through the good times and the bad. And whilst you’re out there proving yourself to the world, you have someone to come home to who loves you just the way you are.
Ideally, of course. I’m not talking about unhealthy relationships here. Those should be avoided at all cost.
As you can see, I have been thinking about relationships. The main reason for this is a discussion with a friend. We were talking about different faiths and beliefs within relationships, and whether or not this can work out. I think it can. Unless both parties want it, I do not feel it is necessary for one partner to convert to the faith of the other partner.
I’m a Christian, and my partner is somewhat of an agnostic. He believes that there may be something out there, but he is not certain about what it is, and he believes that when we pass away, if anything our energy simply becomes part of the Earth again. Our differences in faith do not cause us any trouble. We do talk about faith at times, and he’s respectful of my views, just as I am respectful of his. I don’t try to convert him, because I feel that faith is a personal matter, and it can’t be forced onto someone.
The way I see it, people are individuals and we’re never going to have exactly the same views as the next person. Whilst my partner’s beliefs are different than mine, what’s important is that we have similar morals, outlooks, hopes and expectations in general. This does not mean we have to be carbon copies of the other, in any aspects of our lives. I like rock music, he likes dance music. We voted for different parties in the European election, though those parties did have similar agendas. We don’t have to believe exactly the same things for it to work.
A couple of friends of ours possibly demonstrate this better. She is a Wiccan, he was raised a Catholic and is still a Christian. This would seem an almost impossible combination of faiths within a relationship, but it isn’t. They’ve been together for about three years now, and they are very happy. They have a lot in common and when it comes right down to it, both their faiths are about caring for others and caring for the world, so it works.
It’s all about love, isn’t it? Love, mutual respect and when needed, a bit of hard work. Just like anything in life, really. As long as it brings happiness, it’s worth the effort.
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|  | Love is a Verb (ASR)
Giving and showing love are the most important things we can do in all relationships.
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| | | Until I (E)
Sometimes it takes someone else loving you to find yourself.
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team welcomes any and all questions, suggestions, thoughts and feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in  .
Incurable Romantic - Kit,
This newsletter article about your search for your father is WONDERFUL. And I definitely feel it qualifies as Spiritual, so don't worry about that.
You wrote from the heart, and I took in every wonderful word. My father, at age 88 (89 this coming October), is working on a family history so us three kids and our cousins won't have to go through what you are doing, except maybe to try and fill any blank spaces that turn up when he's done. I sincerely wish you, and any others reading this that are searching, luck in your quest. Why? Because I agree 100% with your feelings about needing to understand where you came from, and all the questions that come with that. It didn't take long, with your words, for me to be in your shoes, and make me fully understand how I would feel in your position.
An excellent read, and just as importantly, a very meaningful one, as it encourages others who are looking not to give up. I know I wouldn't; not after reading this! Great work!
Thank you so very much for your kind words! I was slightly concerned about writing the editorial I did, because each person's definitions of spirituality are different. Reading your feedback, I am glad I did write it, so thank you so much .
I think it's a wonderful thing your father is doing, and I reckon his work will be very valuable indeed to your family. If only more people created something similar!
My partner's uncle has only just started writing, and he's working on a biography, not for publication, more for himself and perhaps other family members who are interested. I'm encouraging him in this project, and trying to encourage his sister as well. Both have lived rich, interesting lives and have so many stories to tell.
Again, thank you very much for your encouragement! It's appreciated.
~~~
ghardin - Your letter about your father and the mysterious obfuscation by your family touched me. I lost my father to heart disease at 13, and I was struck by some similarities to my own life. I feel like I didn't ever really know my father. I was shy and didn't get to know him while he was alive. Questions as to what kind of man he was embarrasses my mother who is in denial somewhat about the events surrounding his life and death, and has firmly resolved that I don't need to dwell on him. But like you I feel incomplete and I would like to know more about him...
Thanks so much for your kind feedback!
I'm very sorry to hear about your father. At a young age, it can be difficult to create the type of bond with our parents that later on in life we experience as so precious. I felt touched by your words, because I can understand your sadness. I hope that, with time, your mother will open up and share her thoughts. Quite possibly, it will be helpful for the both of you.
~~~
Zeke  - Since my divorce thirty years ago, my only daughter has told her children that their grandfather is dead. I have had no contact with any of the four. I guess for all practical purposes I am dead.
Zeke
Dear Zeke, I am so very sorry to read this. What a tragic situation, for all of those involved! I hope that, one day, your daughter might share the truth with her children and that they might come and find you. I've only just gotten to know my grandfather a couple of years ago, and I am 35! I'm glad I went and searched for him. Though the bond between us is obviously different than if I'd known him all my life, it's still precious to me. I genuinly hope the same will happen for you and your grandchildren.
~~~
angelique54 - Kittiara,
My initial thought when I started reading about your Editor Letter, was, "why is she writing about me and who told her?" Then a few lines down I realized my real father never came to see me. He wrote letters and I remember my mom and grandmom burning them on the stovetop.
I also had a feeling of a void in my life and by the time I had enough information to begin a search, I too wondered about the impact such an announcement would have on my "new family."
By now, I believe my father has passed, or if alive, he'd be in his 80's. Most days I let the feeling go. But sometimes, when I'm alone, looking at the stars, I wonder. He loved me once, perhaps ...
Thank for the letter,
Jo
Thank you so much for writing in, Jo! Though of course I wouldn't want anyone in a similar situation as myself, it's also good to know that I am not alone, if you know what I mean.
My father, if still alive, will be about 70 years of age right now. So I understand your feelings... not even knowing whether he's still alive or not!
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened, but I reckon that, indeed, your father will have wondered about you as well. Otherwise, he wouldn't have written. And just as my father stopping by gave me some comfort that he did care, even if in a small way, I hope those letters, even if you didn't get to read them, will give you some comfort as well.
~~~
Prosperous Snow celebrating  - It’s understandable finding your father is a part of your spiritual advancement. Family is the basic unit of society and it’s a part of our spirituality.
My parents divorced when I was young. I have memories of my father, some pictures and that’s about all. I never saw my father after the divorce. I started searching for him and found out about his death on the Internet. It’s a shock to find out about your father’s death on the Internet. I think my next quest should be to find his grave.
Snow
Dear Snow, I'm so sorry to read your story. It must have been a horrible experience to find out that way! I can't even imagine how you must feel. I appreciate your sharing, and sincerely hope you find some closure somehow  .
~~~
Thomas - Personally, I think your family must feel that you need protecting to some degree, but I think they do you and the whole issue a disservice by not explaining why they are making that decision.
Thanks so much for writing in, and yes, I agree. I am certain that what you say is true. And it's such a difficult topic to breach, because I'm also certain that my family does not want to be reminded of those times. The occasions I have tried, it was like talking to a brick wall. It's regretful...
~~~
Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Spiritual Newsletter Team:
Sophurky  , northernwrites, kittiara
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