  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Life is filled with little irritants that perhaps, make us feel a bit more agitated than we should be. However, it’s not until we look back at our over reactive behavior, do we find the silliness of our actions. Here is just one example of what I mean. Let’s take a look...
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WW hates flies! Yes, those common houseflies with their persistent buzzing around and landing wherever they please. I do not want their ugly little germy feet on my table, clothing, bedding, or God forbid, me!
Web-Lock was exhausted from days of wood chopping, lifting, storing and other routine maintenance around the old homestead. He was anxious to get some rest after the dinner company left. I could understand the need for sleep, also. I did cook and entertain all day. It was going to be wonderful to lay our heads on our pillows and just fade away.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz!
“What was that?” My eyes opened, the light went on and I saw what I hoped would have been just some random tinnitus, a buzzing sound, that really wasn’t attached to an insect. Of course, it had to be a fly. I tried to corner the flying pest, and quickly, yet humanely,  put the little creature to rest, so that I may rest.
It wasn’t going to be the first attempt, folks--or the second or fifth try. No, this fly was smart! This fly had more than just a billion little eyes upon me, it had radar! It would not budge as I got close to it, shoe in hand, however, when the exact moment that object was due to strike its little fly head came to be, it went away.
By this time, I have created enough of a racket to awaken a profoundly deaf person.
“What the Bleep-bleep is going on, WW?!!!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, WL! There is a fly on the loose and I won’t be able to sleep until it is dead.”
“Web~Witch, it’s only a fly, it won’t hurt you! Get some sleep, you’ve had a long day.”
“You don’t understand, Web-Lock, flies are dirty, disgusting creatures. They walk on dog poop, then they walk on you! Yuck! Also, I saw that movie, The Fly, even the very first one made, was gross! The fly head was making all this vomitous fluid and spreading it all over its meal, then it ate it! I cannot find one good reason for a fly’s existence. Oh, and I know that they are the producers of maggots, another group of disgusting creatures I have no use for in my life. If you let it live, it will lay maggot eggs in your ear while you sleep. Then, they will get into your brain and drive you insane!" Yes, folks, I also grew up watching things like the Twilight Zone and Night Gallery!
“Okay, okay, I’ll kill it for you. Geez, anything so I can get some sleep!”
Yup, you got it. WL searched high and low and attempted to swat the nasty beast whenever it showed its face. He grabbed for a newspaper, swang and missed, swang and missed--dang it was so David Ortiz at the house there for a while.
It was a long night, folks. As dawn crept through the windows, that merely hours before wore shades and curtains that became casualties of the hitting match between man and fly, I finally dozed off, with bedroom door ajar for easy egress for the unwanted visitor.
Morning came and I awakened to the sound of "Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!”
“Web-Lock, this is no ordinary fly, no! This is a government, spy fly, complete with robotic accuracy and titanium strength. We are victims of Big Brother’s plan to spy on its citizens. It is not going to...”
“WW, shut-up and go to sleep!”
“Sure WL, just watch your ears.”
That’s all she wrote folks!
Until next time, laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WebWitch
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| Some readers commenting on my last Newsletter:
Irisisflower 
Oh dear lord WW!!!
I swear you and this site need to place notice BEFORE people start reading. WARNING! You will feel a strange sensation while reading this newsletter, you may even find the need for a change of undergarments. DO NOT BE AFRAID, this is the sound that laughter makes once let loose. Thanks again for another Hoot of a newsletter, I so needed the release of laughter today and you came through.
Okay, Iris, here goes!
 Warning, this is only a Newsletter. Yes, all of the above may happen while reading it, however, neither this author nor the staff will be held responsible for the laughter attacks of the Newsletter readers. Therefore, please be advised, cautioned and forewarned about comedy and its affect upon people. Consider this a prewarning for all future Comedy Newsletters.
esprit
Another fun letter, WW, I enjoyed it. I believe your haunt has relatives in my house--I sure recognized the resemblance in personalities.
Good work!
Thanks Esprit!  You know how these relatives weave their way into our lives. There is no doubting the personality similarities. You just know it when you see it!
Daizy May 
No item, just a comment about the WebWitch in the oven. I think maybe "Hansel and Gretel" might be the ghostly visitors. We all know how they feel about witches and ovens.
You are so right, Daizy! I should never have trusted those two. They weren't such a good catch afterall. I should have thrown them back! Oh, woe is me, that the spirits of these two should wreak havoc upon me via my own oven!
Thanks for the comment. 
Coolhand
Well I've made up my mind, you're just natually funny. Those cords will get you every time. I used to be a welder and I can tell ya, if a cord can get hung on something it will. So, I can see your problem. Funny. very funny.
You're right about those cords! We can call it, The Rule According to Coolhand!
Hey, what's the opposite of wel-der? Is it ill-der? 
Thanks for the feedback! 
faithjourney
Holy ripcords,that sounds like a frightening mixture of "Terminator" and "Transformers"!Computers take over the world - AND they can transform to be more than meets the eye.
Now that's scary!
Well, Geez, I never thought of it that way!!! I'm really scared!  Thanks for that BTW!!!
Sarah~goodbye writing.com
Hi Web Witch,
What an entertaining and hilarious newsletter from you! I think your humour in the newsletter made me laugh more than the stories submitted for the newsletter! Great job! I look forward to another edition of your newsletter. You are one v. talented comedian and - oh, shall I say, mentor! :)
~Sarah
 and another !!! Aw, shucks, thank you, girl! You know how shy I am. I had just better shut the old pie hole right about now! 
Catherine Hall
I really enjoyed reading this newsletter. It conjured up a picture of a house with barely any internal fittings or furniture but with electrical cords waiting in ambush wherever a Web Witch might be expected to tread. Thank you.
Thanks. Ajaxriley for the great feedback!!! Now everyone knows what a WebWitch house looks like! 
Thanks for the feedback, folks!
We editors really appreciate it!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO THOSE OF US WHO CELEBRATE IT!!!
See you next time, 
WW
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Comedy: November 11, 2009 Issue [#3372]
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