 Comedy: December 02, 2009 Issue [#3417] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Sophurky  
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| Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. This week we'll talk about the comedy gold that can be found when you go back and visit your old hometown or a place you used to live. |
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Who Says You Can't Go Home?
FYI: In order to protect the innocent (innocent = those poor souls who currently reside in the town I am talking about), I shall not divulge the name of the sewer town in question.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, my husband and I returned to the town where we lived from 1989 to 1997 (we refer to those eight years affectionately as "our time in hell") to attend the wedding of a friend. We had moved 500 miles away and had not been back to visit since then, so this trip would be our first time back. We were looking forward to the trip because we had been told by many people that there had been a lot of improvements and renovations made since we left (so many great changes, they bragged, we'd be sorry we moved away). So we were eager find out what had changed and if we would, in fact, be sorry about leaving town.
We arrived mid-afternoon Thursday and one of the first things we noticed was that the town did not smell as awful as it usually did. The city sits along a large river, and at the river's edge right near downtown there is not only a large cattle stockyard, but also a rendering plant (if you don't know what a rendering plant is, don't ask -- just trust me, they STINK  ). Back when we lived there, when we complained about the smell (which was almost every day of the eight years we were there), natives would tell us, "That's the smell of money!" One time I replied that I supposed it would be the smell of money, IF one kept their money in an outhouse instead of a bank.  They were not amused. But I digress.
So there was one positive change already -- the stinkiest town in the known universe did not stink anymore! That WAS pretty amazing, and we were impressed. The rest of the downtown looked just about the same -- there was a new auditorium and hotel, but otherwise the waterfront looked pretty darn ugly very familiar. But at least the stank was gone, which was a huge improvement. So we chalked one up to the town fathers/mothers for that major improvement. Until, as we headed to our car Thursday morning, we stepped out the door of the hotel and were overwhelmed with a stench so nasty that we both actually gagged. Evidently, since Thursday was Thanksgiving, they took the day off from doing the unspeakable things they do to produce the stank. But by 9am Friday morning both the stockyards and rendering plant were back in full swing, and the air was so thick with the smell that we both felt like we needed to go back inside and take another shower. We covered our mouths, jumped in our car as quick as we could, and headed north to get away from the smell -- and to check out our old house.
The first house we ever owned was in this town -- and as we drove there we reminisced about how we were such proud first-time home-buyers. We took great care of the house for the eight years we were there -- we slapped on a coat of new, light blue paint in 1991, put a new roof on it in 1992, landscaped the front yard, kept our trees and bushes trimmed, and the yard neatly mowed. To say that the current owner was not quite as fastidious as we were would be, well, the understatement of all time. Not only had the house not had a paintbrush within a mile of it since we moved, but the roof looked like a kitten-sneeze might blow half the tiles off and the landscaping was, well, not anywhere in evidence. It looked so bad as we approached it in our car, I half expected to see an old Chevy on blocks in the front yard and an old lady in a housecoat, a cigar hanging from her toothless mouth, sitting on the front porch cursing at the neighborhood kids.
We were told that they had renovated one of the downtown streets and since it wasn't far from our hotel we decided to check it out in order to lift us out of the funk we were experiencing after seeing our old house. First we stopped to pick up some gas masks at the local hardware store so as to avoid the stench of going back downtown, and then we headed over to 4th Street which, yes, had been renovated somewhat, IF by renovation one means that they fixed a few potholes and put in half a dozen new bars where previously empty storefronts with "out-of-business" signs stood. Don't get me wrong, I like bars as much as the next person -- but in this case every bar on the short block looked just like the bar next to it, with very little creativity. A bar doesn't have to be fancy, but I like them to be original, maybe brew their own beers, or have original decor. But these all had neon beer signs in their windows, a pool table, and wooden stools and looked identical, except for their names. And when we went into one and I tried to order a Cosmo, the bartender just looked at me blankly, and then pointed to the beer taps.
When we returned to our room I checked the description of the area on the town web site, where it said: "Historic 4th Street offers fine dining, exceptional nightlife and unique shopping in an atmosphere unsurpassed in the area." Well call me blind or crazy but we found no fine dining (unless of course, by fine dining, one is referring to buffalo wings and mozarella sticks), very mediocre nightlife, and, in terms of the unique shopping well yes, they had me on that one -- a flashing, neon sign that shouted out to me that there was an ADULT BOOKSTORE with NUDE VIDEOS. You don't see that on every street corner in every town. So yes, the shopping is unique.
All in all it was a good visit -- we had fun at the wedding, reconnected with old friends, and most importantly, ended up with a new appreciation for the city in which we now reside, grateful that we got out of there when we did. Because if we'd stayed one minute longer, we were convinced that no doubt, when people who visited us complained about the smell, we'd start replying like natives. "IT'S THE SMELL OF MONEY!"
What about you? How about writing about visiting a place you used to live. Most of us have moved at least once, and many of us have returned back to a former home or hometown for a visit only to find it has changed (or is sadly the same as when we left it). So why not give it a try? With the holidays coming up, maybe a visit back to your childhood home will stir up your comedic muse -- the opportunities are endless! 
Sophurky |
Below you'll find a few offerings from other WDC members about moving, going home, or old neighborhood memories:
First, a few from "The Writer's Cramp" :
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And a few more:
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Now for a couple of comments about my last newsletter about travel with Samantha, my GPS:
From francie
I always read the comedy NL, because I am a loyal fan of WW. Despite her instructions, I am unable to write comedy and that's another reason why this NL is a favorite.
A smile or a giggle is a gift from a writer and I thank, Sophy, for sending me both.
GPS hates me.
Awww, thanks so much for your kind words. I made up with my GPS on a trip this past week for Thanksgiving -- every time she gave us a direction we thanked her and told her she was wonderful. As a result, we never once heard from the German woman again!
    
From Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ 
Hope you had fun in Hagerstown. I've been there a good many times but actually haven't visited any of the historic places. (We usually just go there to eat at some place like red lobster or tgif. ) But still, sounds like you had fun with it! But ick 700-mile drive? That is not so fun. I'm glad my house is only an hour and a half away from there, but school is like...3 hours away or something. lol. Now I kinda wanna go visit those historic places...but I think I'll leave my GPS muted. 
Naw, take your GPS. Even if she yells at you in German, ultimately she will get you where you need to go, as she did for us.
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky
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