 Comedy: December 09, 2009 Issue [#3424] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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It’s that time of year, again. I am sitting here comfortably snug and warm, looking out the window at the damp, gray skies and trying to imagine the yearly event ahead of me that I‘ve dubbed the hunt!
If you are curious about this event and all that follows, take a look ...
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Merry Christmas, folks! I hope the holiday season is bringing you more joy than stress. 
At chez Webwitch, there is a family tradition called the hunt. That’s when my son, aka Web-Son, and I embark on a journey to find the perfect Christmas tree.
“Oh, isn’t that sweet, WW!” Erhemmm, No!
Last year, it was a cold, miserable, misty day and the farm we frequent each year to choose and cut down our tree, is overgrown because the owners are preparing to retire. That means, we need to travel through vine tangled paths, tripping over numerous, previously cut tree stumps, to find a tree that has some shape left and is full enough for my abundance of ornaments.
After three hours of Web-Son saying, “not this one,” we finally decided on the majestic fourteen-footer, to place within the confines of an eight-foot ceiling living room.  Yes I am serious about that!
We began dragging that ginormous thing through evergreen branches to try to find the path back to the barn, for the tree measuring and paying. My son was in the lead position and I was in the branch, snap-back position. I got whacked in the face several times before reaching the clearing. I stood there, money in hand, lips, nose and cheeks, bleeding. Doesn’t this sound like fun?
Oh, I should also mention that there was a muddy, bear track down one of the rugged “paths.”  Good thing Webbie was armed! OBTW, since we have the right to bear arms in the States, does that also mean we have the right to arm bears? Just a thought, but I digress. 
We struggled to get the tree on top of the SUV’s roof and bungeed down safely. Exhausted already, I still had to face liberating the tree from the car and trimming about six feet off of the sap-oozing thing.
Before any decorations can be added, the tree lights need to be in place. Here’s where my obsessive, offspring shines. He takes pride in his ability to tightly wrap each strand of lights around each branch. Yes, I’m still serious, here.
Three days and five-thousand lights later, there are still no decorations on the tree. However, it is now bright enough to be able to read by it. If you’ve ever watched “Christmas Vacation,” you will understand the similarities between Web-Son and Clark Griswold.
As the days went by, the tree was finally lit and decorated. 
“Okay, WW, at least Web-Son helps you with the most tedious part of decorating a tree. It got done, so what’s the gripe?" Let me explain it to you.
Not many days later, we were hit with a ravaging ice storm. There was no power for nearly a week ... no power, no lights. It was almost Christmas and our tree stood there, in our dark living room, while we stayed at a hotel.
So, going back to the beginning of the story, I am cringing at the thought of the hunt. I wonder what dastardly things will await me, this time. There will be a new addition to the tradition this year. Web-Lock will be joining us. He heard about last year’s disastrous tree hunt and has issued a warning: “WW, I am holding the car keys. If you and Web-Son are not through choosing a tree within fifteen minutes, I’ll be in that car and away from that godforsaken place before you can bandage your bleeding face!”
That’s all she wrote for this month’s Comedy Newsletter, folks. If you are curious about WW’s strange encounter with Santa Claus recently, then watch for the December, 23rd, Spiritual Newsletter. I will be the guest editor for that week.  You will get to know the spiritual side of Webwitch.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WW
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Winnie Kay 
Hey WW.
You and WL deserve a bronze star for your spy fly battle. I can relate. I hate bugs. I don't understand their existence on this earth, unless they are here to test our ability to react calmly and with dignity as the creatures invade our ears.
Happy hunting.
winnie
Thanks for the feedback, Winnie! I know exactly what you mean about what bugs you! I shouldn't tell you--well, okay, I will. I was patching some plaster one day. The window was open, and this pesky little fly wandered inside to irritate my raw nerves. Finally, after his fifth rotation around my head and arms, I lifted the putty knife up just as he made another pass around. You know, I love the sound of that ping!, as the disgusting little creature hit the metal and left for never--never, land! 
faithjourney
You really do the best comedy newsletters!
No joke - my grandmother once threw out an entire pound cake because a fly landed on it. I understand. I once heard they're the filthiest creatures on Earth and I believe it!
My dishtowel has put many out of their misery!
Thank you! 
YES! keep up the good fight! We will overtake these demon flies!!! I'm glad I'm not a doctor, because, I would have to worry about the fly in the ointment! OBTW, did Grandma make a new pound cake? If you missed out on a slice because of the fly; all the more reason to dispose of them!
Noelle ~ TY Anon! 
Hi WW!! Such a funny newsletter! Ugh, I hate flies, too, especially when they land on the tip of your nose while you're sleeping-- not a pleasant way to wake up in the morning! And, what's up with the flies this time of year? Every time there's a short heat wave (in-between the typical frigid Northern autumn temps), a fly or two suddenly appears out of nowhere, buzzing around, as if they rose from the dead or something! Eeyooh, now I'm going to have to sleep with ear muffs on the next time the forecast calls for another warm spell. Thanks for the heads up on flies and ears!
! Noelle
Never, and I mean never, turn your ears on a fly! Thanks for the feedback!
drjim
Well well well, WW! Looks like the Age of Government Spy Flys are upon us! Good Lord, I thought the Dragonfly that landed on my shoulder was spooky enough! 
Keep on writing this great newsy letters for the Crew!
Great Spirit Bless,
DrJ
You know, Dr.J, if I were you, I'd be afraid--be very afraid! 
Thanks for the feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!! See you next year!!!
WW |
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