 Comedy: February 03, 2010 Issue [#3513] |
  Comedy
This week: Driving Me Crazy! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Recently, I was treated to being a back-seat passenger, while Web-Son added more hours of driving time toward getting his license. Web-Lock sat in the front passenger seat, keeping a guarded eye on the driver and the road. We were on the New York Thruway, heading to the Mass Pike, when a couple cringy close calls caused another gray hair to pop out. I decided to close my eyes, pray for mercy and think back to earlier days. Let's step into WW's time-machine, again ... |
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Hello, folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.  Teaching our teens to drive, takes courage and lots of adult beverages! Yup. I can see those heads nodding up and down. You know what I mean. Watching my son behind the wheel took me back to the days of my driver's education. I shuddered when I brought those images into my mind, because I hoped my children would not inherit the same coordination-challenged, gene, that I have.
Yes, we all know what a klutz Webwitch is; so you can imagine the possibilities of me as a teenager, behind the wheel of a car for the first time.
I heard the beep of the instructor's horn, and with excited anticipation, I ran out of the house and grabbed for the car door.
"Hold on there, little lady, you are not going to be a passenger today. You will sit right here behind the wheel. This is going to be a wonderful experience for both of us."
He proceeded to fill me in on the safety features of the car and described the difference between the floor clutch, brake and gas pedal. He showed me how to shift the column stick attached to the steering wheel. I know, those were so long ago!
WW was ready to take on the road challenge. There were a few, weird noises whenever I had to change gears. The instructor kept putting his hands to his ears and telling me to ease up on the clutch gently. Do you realize the dexterity required to do that?!!
Anyway, I was catching on to this whole driving experience and even felt a little brave after a while.  The instructor decided it was time to do some highway exit to city street merging. I exited the ramp and pulled out confidently onto the road. I hear this frantic yelp, "did you see that car?"
"Uh, what car?" As I said those words, I looked toward where he was pointing. I saw a big, old days built, solid steel Cadillac, but I had already got past it at the intersection, so I didn't understand what his problem was. I turn back toward him to inquire what I had done wrong and catch him staring at my blouse. (I don't think he was admiring the fabric.) 
It isn't difficult to imagine what happens, when both student and instructor are not watching the road. That's right, it was my first time behind the wheel of a learn-mobile and I drove into a ditch!  Who'd have thought it? I did get a perfect score on that learner's permit test. 
Once the car settled into the grassy cranny, the instructor jumped out and unscrewed the sign on the roof which had the name of the driving school on it. He radioed in a call for a tow truck. There was no way this car was getting out of the ditch without some help. -
"Umm, hell-oooooooooooooo, Mr. Instuctor?!!!" No, "are you okay, dear?" Nope, just save the reputation of the driving school!
Yes, I was a clumsy little Witch; I can admit that. However, isn't the instructor supposed to keep his eyes on the road, too? I mean, they gave him his own brake on the passenger side. Perhaps if he was looking where I was going, none of this trauma would have happened.
Needless to say, the following week, a new instructor showed up at my house, with a car that was simplified. It was an automatic gear shifter! Wow, they invented a car especially for me. 
Ever since then, anytime kids of mine needed driving lessons, I'd throw them to the Dad. He was more than happy to accept the challenge. He had one of our daughters drive around the block about fifty times, to help her get her "car legs." I felt brave, so I went on my front porch to watch for our Volvo. By the tenth time around the corner, I saw my daughter, mouth wide open, giggling, and her dad, head back on the neck rest, snoring. 
It's a wrap for this month, folks!
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WW |
History can be fun!
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drjim
WW! Perhaps there is another name for the "Fire Boss"?!? No question about it, its ' the Boss ' alright, but am wondering - what gender is this stove? Do we call it ' the Fire B#*$h' or ' Fire B*^%$@d '? Just curious!
"Warmly",
DrJ
Okay, I don't think I care about the gender of the dang thing, so long as it keeps me warm~
Thanks for the feedback.
LJPC - the tortoise 
OMG! What a monstrous comedy of errors. It sounds like the only thing good about your Christmas holidays was that they gave you fodder for another delightful, funny story of domestic bliss - NOT!
Great NL, as always!  -- Laura
Thank you, Laura. I appreciate the feedback!!!
odenthal1128
WW - Another fun read and newsletter. I can sympathize with your frozen pipe situation having faced a few of those myself. As for the weeping willow Christmas tree needles, brittle little daggers that they can be, you probably made the best choice by moving them outside and out from underfoot. <ouch> Keep up the great work (and writing) and thanks again for mentioning my stories!
It was my pleasure! Thank you for your comments to the Newsletter. I appreciate it.
Being Diane
I am so glad to be back online and with my writing community! We have to find laughter in any situation in life. I found it when I was in charge of my uncle's funeral. I've attached the story. I am going to at least submit 2-4 items a month even if it is just contests. Oh, a really great Xmas funny book is The Policitally Correct Xmas stories; my favorite: Rudoldh, the Nasally Impowered Raindeer!
Thank you for your submisssion. I think the word fun is in funeral for a reason. If there cannot be a toast to the one who has passed, based on fond memories, that are more often humorous, then it is doing an injustice to that person's memory. Who, wants a boring send off?!!! Not I!
Morgan Adam Internet Problems!
WW - You manage to find the humor even in a situation like this, which I'm sure was not as amusing as you make it sound at the time! I love your storytelling, and I always look forward to your newsletters! Happy New Year! - Morgan
Aw, shucks, Morgan--you made me blush!  Thank you, by the way! You have a great New Year, too!
Thanks for the feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
Web~Witch |
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