 Comedy: April 07, 2010 Issue [#3659] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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"I had thought — I had been told — that a 'funny' thing is a thing of a goodness. It isn't. Not ever is it funny to the person it happens to. Like that sheriff without his pants. The goodness is in the laughing itself. I grok it is a bravery... and a sharing... against pain and sorrow and defeat."
- Valentine Michael Smith
(Robert Heinlein,
Stranger in a Strange Land) |
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TAX
Here in the US (the only place that matters), in April, our thoughts turn, with great reluctance, to that certainty of life: taxes.
As far as I can tell, the word "tax" is derived from the Latin root "taxare," meaning "to squeeze the innards from." Originally, it was meant to be imported to English as a four-letter word, "taks" (also see "golf," "diet"), but that was before everyone learned how to spell.
Okay, not really. But it ought to have happened that way.
I'm taking a major leap here, by the way. I'm of the studied opinion that, under the right circumstances, anything can be funny. Even that last bastion of seriousness, heart attacks. Case in point: Just the other day my business partner told me we'd gotten a check from a client who hadn't paid us since last year. I clutched my chest and staggered to my knees. She laughed. See? Heart attacks can be funny.
Taxes, not so much. Nope. I don't know even one single "tax" joke. I've heard jokes about tax collectors, but in order to be funny, those jokes have to result in the death or mutilation of the collector, thus planting them more in the realm of gallows humor. All other mentions of taxes result, not in laughter, but at best a wry, "Yeah, buddy, you and me both" kind of smile.
So why am I doing the Comedy newsletter about taxes, if they're not funny? Well, I see it as a challenge. If I can make someone laugh about taxes, I've done the Comedy Impossible.
Anyway, the April thing is silly. I mean, most of us have already paid last year's taxes; it's taken out of our paychecks or we send estimated payments. Unless you've screwed up your withholding somehow, the only thing you need to do before April 15th is fill out a form. A mind-bogglingly complex form with arcane terminology such as "qualified dividend" and "depreciation." As in, I depreciate having to fill out that dang form every dang year. (Though it is better to owe a small amount of money in April than it is to get a huge check back from the IRS - but this is the Comedy newsletter, not the Finance newsletter, so I'll skip that part.)
In gearing up to Tax Season - which is actually Fill-Out-The-Form Season - we're always subjected to advertising from people whose job it is to fill out the forms, because the forms were specifically designed to be unable to be filled out unless you get paid to do it. Around here, that usually translates to Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty standing by the side of the road, holding ad signs for different accountants and waving at passing traffic.
Now, Uncle Sam I can see. He's always been a right bastard. But Lady Liberty? Seriously? When did Liberty be about having to fill out complicated forms? Sheesh! Lady, what do you think that torch is for?!
So whether you do it yourself or pay someone else, do try for at least a chuckle, if not a guffaw, when you finish your taxes - they're done for another year; and, more importantly, they still haven't found a way to tax laughter. |
Okay, maybe it's not impossible to joke about taxes:
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Last month, in "Comedy Newsletter (March 10, 2010)" , I (predictably) wrote about St. Patrick's Day. And some of y'all wrote about the newsletter:
Winchester Jones  :
What a great newsletter! From you story, to your "joke", and right down to the comments, I kept a constant chuckle. I now look forward to reading the Editor's Choices", I know they will only add to the fun.
5.0
 Are you sure you meant to submit this to my newsletter? Well, I'll assume you did; it's better that way for everyone involved 
Shannon  :
Robert, thanks so much for featuring my Make Me Laugh HOLIDAY Short Stories Contest in the March 10 edition of the comedy NL. 
I live to serve! Well, no, that's not true. Actually, I live to be served by hordes of adoring minions. But I figured I'd at least try to accept your gratitude graciously
And that's it for this month.See you in May! Until then,
LAUGH ON |
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