 Comedy: May 26, 2010 Issue [#3748] |
  Comedy
This week: I've Been Poisoned, I Tell You! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Months ago I had a fire at my home. I know-I know, I've already done a Comedy Newsletter on that incident. This is about the aftermath of a fire and how your cozy little world gets turned up side down, really fast...
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It's May, and I am still putting up with construction work in the antique house I've dubbed the money pit. It's a long process of tearing down bricks and then re-shaping and re-bricking the fireplaces to bring them up to today's code standards.
After many weeks of choosing the right contractor for the job, we are finally seeing some progress.  However, putting up with all the dust and debris and noise has been difficult, especially since I have allergies that have reacted negatively to all of this. Web-Lock, being a caring, loving person, decided to surprise me with a get-away package that he promised would never be forgotten.
He kept the particulars a secret until we arrived at this--well, what I could only describe as a castle. It is high up in the Catskill's and is a huge resort that offers three gourmet meals per day when you are, at an extravagant expense, a guest. There are so many activities to choose from that would appeal to people, whatever their interests are. There is golfing, fishing, hiking, horse drawn carriage rides, Olympic sized swimming pool, spas, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on. See what I mean?
The first day there, I felt like a princess, treated to such royal service and comfort. I quickly forgot about my dusty, musty, construction ridden home and just absorbed the good life.
We planned a romantic evening after the exceptional dinner we ate. Back in the room, we had saved a little dessert that we picked up, somewhere on our travels to this palace. Folks, I am not a sweet lover. I easily turn down desserts when they are offered. However, once in a blue moon, I get an urge for a cream filled, flaky pastry delight.
WL, chose a plain old brownie to my creamy pick. We poured the Champagne, sipped it and munched on dessert. I was a happy camper! 
Just when things were getting up close and personal,  I felt this uneasy feeling in my stomach.  Yes, folks, I became the fountain of puke! Poor Web-Lock was running for trash buckets, plastic shopping bags, shoes, golf bags--whatever was handy, including WL's newly purchased shirt, in a splatter pattern befit the expert in the O.J. case, to contain the curse of the cream-filled delight gone bad! (In my mind I was hearing the tune, "I Shot The Sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputy...") Geez, I knew it was too warm in the car for those traveling hours, but I convinced myself the product was safe.
I was so weak, I couldn't move from the bed. So, WL had to be quick with the trash containers for me to fill and he to dump for the next hour or so. It was pitiful or should I say spitiful! I'm not used to vomitous situations, even if I imbibe in an adult beverage or two. Hey, I'm a mother of five, four of whom are girls and I used to be married to a Methodist. I learned to drink, early and often, without ever receiving that dreaded hangover. I rarely get the flu...I mean close to never in all my live long days. So, this was an unusual event for me.
Morning came and I was told about my "near death" experience through the eyes of the man I love, who described me as a slate-blue tinted Witch. Needless to say, the romantic part never happened.  Additionally, I was very apologetic to Web-Lock for having to waste a little blue pill.  Hey, don't laugh, those things are expensive!
He was right about one thing for sure, that was one unforgettable trip!
Yup, it's a wrap!
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WW
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billwilcox
 Good lord, girl! You are just toooo funny. Your census response was extremely entertaining since I too have found the whole process intrusive. Does my nationality have anything to do with how many people live in my house? If only they knew how many people live in my head...now THAT would be a statistic to ponder. 
OMG! I don't even want to think about having to count the people who live in my head. You know, we shouldn't let on to them about this or there will be an even longer and if possible, a more ridiculous survey with the next census. 
Thanks for the feedback, Bill.
Winnie Kay 
What a strange and delightful mind you have, WW. You put a whole new meaning to the Census Process. Have to go--the "person-person" is delivering the mail.
Thank you for delighting in my strange mind. I'm getting used to it ... a blessing/curse issue, you know. 
Always great to receive your comments, Winnie!
Lornda 
Any newsletter that has poop, crap and toilets mentioned within the first three paragraphs is pure entertainment! Thanks for the laughs and the highlight of my item!
What a refreshingly succinct way to describe my last NL! You're very welcome for the highlight, Lornda.
geniusrobot
I loved this comedy piece... It sure did make me laugh!! It is wonderful! Good job...
Thank you so much, Geniusrobot! Anyone, (even a robot) who has the word "genius" in a name and loved my comedy piece, makes me feel truly blessed and a little swelled in the head! Thank you for that BTW!!!
Starr* Rathburn 
Hi, WW! Thanks so much for sharing the link to "The Next 5 Words" in this week's Comedy Newsletter. I enjoyed reading your nwsltr very much.
Starr* R
You are welcome for the highlight, Starr! I'm happy you enjoyed the NL. 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW. Thanks for tickling my funnybone with your take on the "Senseless" Census. Liked the cool image, too! Great NL as always-  -- Laura
 Thank you, Laura. You sure know how to make an editor blush! I like that, though!!! Thank you so much for the feedback!
Comment via email:
Smiling Jack
Thank you very much for featuring my figment in this issue. And thank you for your delightful take on taking the census.
My favorite: "I think they need another couple response choices. *I don't know! AND *I don't care! " Wonderful idea.
Jack
It was my pleasure on the highlight, Jack. Thank you so much for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed my take on the census.
Thank you for your feedback, folks, we editors really appreciate it!
So long, until next month.
WW
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