 Comedy: June 23, 2010 Issue [#3817] |
  Comedy
This week: Help! I'm Going to Need a Bigger Grill! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Happy Summer, to those of us in the Northern Hemisphere.  Preparing for WL's 50th birthday party, has been a mixture of stress and comedy. Let's take a peek at this event running amok...
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Hello, folks! It's amazing to me how quickly the time has passed since my last Comedy Newsletter, editorial . I have been so busy painting rooms, hanging curtains and placing items back on the newly painted walls, cleaning rugs and preparing guest rooms. Things are finally coming together after many months of construction work. 
You'd think that would be enough to handle while coasting into summer and wondering whatever happened to spring?!! However, I could not let Web-Lock's fiftieth birthday go by, without a little gathering of loved ones to celebrate with him. You know where this is going, don't you? Yes, the small, manageable party at home, has blossomed into a cross between a family reunion in Kentucky, a major sporting event and a town-wide block party! I'm serious, folks. WL, who is really enjoying the planning of this event, has been hands on with all of the details. He has turned our yard into a mini ball field, regulation horseshoe pit not to mention bocce ball, slash, croquet, slash, whatever other outdoor games he found at local garage and tag sales. He said that he wanted to be sure the guests had some fun things to do.
"How many guests would that be now, Web-Lock?"
"Oh, I only invited a few more good friends, who I haven't seen for years. They are wonderful, Webbie, you'll just love them! Oh, and I invited the neighbors, up and down the street, within a five-mile radius, to be sure they won't feel left-out, or anything."
Folks, he wasn't talking about ten or twelve more people to the already huge, little family party. No, I heard him invite the local fire department, (which under the circumstances of already being a fire risk, that wasn't too ridiculous an idea,) police, mail carriers, the UPS guy, a jogger passing by the front of the house and a priest. I knew it was getting a little out-of-hand when he invited the girl who checked us out at a local department store.
"Hey, I thought it would be great for what's her name to meet Web-Son !" 
After the shock of having scores of people descending upon my humble abode had left me, I started planning the menu. Let's see, I have a couple turkeys, several hams, tons of corned beef, chicken, pork and I'm sure something else hiding in the bottom of my freezer. My kitchen's commercial sized stove would not be enough to handle this. Thus, I had to get a bigger grill outside and another smoker or two, to keep the food moving smoothly through the process and onto people's plates.
WL and I went to our local, membership-type, warehouse to purchase a larger grill. It was like the roof opened up, the sun shone through and brightly illuminated this particular grill that was the bombshell of stainless steel, with doors, cubbies, an oven and broiler and even an ice holder, along with a rotisserie! I was in happy-cooker-to-be heaven! 
"WW, this is it! This is the perfect new grill for our yard, that I have feverishly worked on for months to make it a beautiful, curb-appealing place."
Folks, I didn't even try to argue with him. What can I say? It is a beautiful thing. It is the Rolls Royce of grills! "Sold!" 
We bought it, and got a couple employees to help us load it in the SUV--NOT! There was no way it would fit. We took it out of the box and then thought if the stove knobs were removed it might fit in on its side. One of the guys helping us started twisting the knobs off of the grill so that we could lie it down flat and not place weight on them. OOPs! They weren't removable! He stripped the knob right of the stove with no way to put it back on.
"Maybe a little super glue will get the knob back on there."
"Uhm, I don't think so. I'm not even out of the parking lot and you want me to take a defective item?! We'll be back, with a rental truck and will get a new grill with all of its knobs, tomorrow!"
Now, WL had to call one of the three-thousand close friends he invited to the party and ask the one with the biggest truck to help move the monster cooker.
As I write this Newsletter, I have just experienced the arrival of my new, outdoor kitchen. Four men, a warped dolly and a hand-truck, gathered around the item to be moved. I just looked over all of the sweaty faces, called the poor girlfriend of the truck driver into my kitchen and started pouring the Margaritas. My chore would begin the day of the party. Let them sweat it out for now!
That's all she wrote for this month, folks.
Until next time, laugh hard--laugh often!
Ta,
WW
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drjim
WW! Good Lord! You mentioned that you bent over backwards to have a 'sweet' - but with WebLock being the only sweet stuff you truly need, well ... I think you see my reasoning. WL should be given a medal for such dramatic, "unswerving" displays of bravado "catching" the "feedback" you so graciously "offered" up! Uggh. I'll never look at an eclair innocently again!
Thank you for the vivid commentary, Dr. J! However, after bending over backwards as you so aptly put it, to take the sweet treat, I became a tool of the physics law of equal and opposite reaction. I was bending forward thereafter. 
Shannon 
You never fail to make me laugh, WW. As always, excellent newsletter! And thank you for featuring my story. You're the bestest!
It was my pleasure to feature your story.  I'm happy you got a laugh out of my mishap with the French pastry. 
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! The whole house fire thing couldn't get any worse than this -- or could it? Your tales of woe sure make me laugh. It was nice of you to highlight Shannon's story. From the link, I 'r,r,& r'-ed it, and really enjoyed that and the others you highlighted, too. Until next time -- try not to hurt yourself or eat any more funky stuff. -- Laura
Hello, there, Laura!
I have not even looked at another creamy pastry directly in the eyes, since that day!
It pleases me that you enjoyed the highlighted picks. Thank you for R, R & R-ing, them. I'm sure the authors appreciated that. You go, girl!
NaNoNette 
If exaggerated for effect or true to life to the last word, this comedy letter is a hoot. Thanks for sharing this tale of flaky pastry gone wrong. And all the other good stuff too. 
Exaggerated? Okay, I admit it, I wasn't allowed to use the golf bag for, well, you know what. WL managed to get a quick replacement item for me to use. He was conflicted, though, about not getting to me on time with another bag, thereby saving his golf bag from such dishonor or having to pay extra, hotel cleaning costs if he arrived too late with the substitute container.
Thanks for your feedback!
billwilcox
WW, you're such a creampuff. Buck-up girl, there's romance in the air, especially if your WL is taking those blue pills (or is it the red one?).
Please don't even mention the word creampuff, and Buck-up so close together. Romance in the air or not, it was not for me to buck-up, it was more like, get me a BUCK-ET!
By the way, I think WL wished he had taken the red pill, that night. I'm sure he felt like he was in the Matrix, at that point!
Comment on a previous Newsletter, The Senseless Survey, via email:
Bartley
I found your Census humor very amusing. I have not thought of the census in this manner. From now on for the next infinity of years to come I believe I'll look at it with a smile on my face and think of this blog. Thanks for humoring me on a humid and tiring day.
Lots of Laughs,
Bartley
Thanks, Bartley, for your comment! I do appreciate it and am happy that you enjoyed that edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Thanks for your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month!
WW |
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