 Drama: May 11, 2011 Issue [#4390] |
  Drama
This week: Remove What Dampens Your Drama Edited by: NickiD89  
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| Like many of you, I've considered myself a writer my whole life. But in 2007, I shifted out of hobbyist mode, started writing for an audience, and embarked on the exciting journey towards publication. As I continue on that path and delve ever deeper into the craft, I feed an insatiable appetite for creative writing theory. I seek out how-to books and workshop experiences to augment and amplify whatever talent I possess. For those of you like me, here's a little theory to appease your hunger. |
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Since I'm editing two Drama newsletters in a row, I've prepared a two-part series called How to Heighten Drama in Writing. Please enjoy Part One, below.
    
Part One -- Remove What Dampens Your Drama
You have a burst of inspiration for a high drama scene. You sit down with the door shut, the phone off, and the Internet browser closed, and you let the words flow. Totally swept away by currents of creativity, you type madly to appease the screaming characters in your mind. When you're finished, you have a dynamic first draft of which you're very proud.
The key words in that last sentence are 'first draft.'
First drafts are high energy, but they're generally messy. During the edit phase, look for ways to manipulate your words and heighten the drama, so that readers feel the same excitement as they read that you felt as you wrote. Three things to look for that dampen the drama in your writing are: Wordiness, Passive Voice, and Vague Vocabulary.
Wordiness
Wordiness refers simply to extra words that don't add to the meaning of a sentence. Extra words sabotage the reading experience by dragging down the pace and robbing the sentence of its intensity.
Here are five of the most common ways to reduce words:
 Eliminate "to be," in all its forms (is, am, are, be, being, been, was, were), whenever possible.
Examples:
(Wordy) His button-down shirt is open and waltzing harmoniously with the hem of her dress.
(Revised) His open button-down shirt waltzes harmoniously with her dress hem.
(Wordy) She is holding a bouquet of daisies.
(Revised) She holds a bouquet of daisies.
Eliminate "there is/are" and "it is/are" sentence structures.
Examples:
(Wordy) There are some daring surfers who are in the habit of catching waves at dawn when sharks feed.
(Revised) Some daring surfers catch waves at dawn when sharks feed.
(Wordy) It was the opinion of the arresting officer that the perp was carrying a concealed weapon.
(Revised) The arresting officer believed the perp carried a concealed weapon.
Eliminate repetitive modifiers.
Examples:
(Wordy) Her eyes were sky blue in color.
(Revised) Her eyes were sky blue.
(Wordy) When the climber was completely finished unpacking his gear, he connected together the harnesses and ropes.
(Revised) When the climber finished unpacking his gear, he connected the harnesses and ropes.
(Wordy) The army celebrated its successful victory.
(Revised) The army celebrated its victory.
Remove prepositional phrases "of the (noun)" that modify a noun before it, and turn the noun from the prepositional phrase into a possessive modifier.  Wait, what? 
Here are some examples to illustrate:
(Wordy) The members of the gang manipulated the fears of the children.
(Revised) The gang members manipulated the children's fears.
(Wordy) A calculating mother-in-law pins the blame on the nervousness of the bride.
(Revised) A calculating mother-in-law pins the blame on the bride's nerves.
Avoid phrases like "an example of this is" and "in the month of," and opt for more straightforward phrasings.
Examples:
(Wordy) An example of mortality statistics getting skewed is when Amy had a heart attack while she crashed her motorcycle.
(Revised) For example, Amy's heart attack while she crashed her motorcycle skewed the mortality statistics.
(Wordy) Amy died in the month of November.
(Revised) Amy died in November.
Passive Voice
In Passive Voice, the subject of the sentence receives the action expressed in the verb; in other words, the subject is acted upon. Passive voice occurs when you use a form of the auxiliary verb "be" (such as: am, is, was, were, are, or been) paired with a past participle.
Shifting the sentence to active voice reduces wordiness and produces a direct, concise, and dynamic quality.
Examples:
(Passive) The explorer was bitten by the venomous black mamba.
(Active) The venomous black mamba bit the explorer.
(Passive) Common folk are misled by politicians every voting cycle.
(Active) Politicians mislead common folk every voting cycle.
Vague Vocabulary
The more precise your writing, the more vibrant the scene will be. Look for weak words you can replace with high-impact, juicy vocabulary.
Examples:
(Vague) The sun shone brightly. A bird took flight from a branch, and a squirrel could be seen to the left.
(Precise) The bright sun shone out of a hazy, near-white sky. A cardinal swooped down from a longleaf pine, and a squirrel scampered to the left.
(Vague) Jacob felt so hot. He walked across the pristine lawn, deciding to shower before making lunch.
(Precise) Stinging sweat trickled into Jacob's eye. He trudged across the pristine lawn, deciding to shower before throwing together pastrami on rye for lunch.
Wordiness, passive voice, and vague vocabulary will dampen the drama in your writing, but all three are easy to weed out when you recognize their dandelion heads poking through your draft. Once eliminated, your prose will hum with more vibrant energy.
How To Heighten Drama in Writing - Part One focused on cutting out of your draft that which dampens your drama, but there are things you can add to your story that will increase the drama. Please join me on May 18th for Part Two: Add Intensity to Your Drama.
Thanks for reading!
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Thank you for all your wonderful feedback for my April 20th newsletter "Going Deep with Third Person Limited" ! A very special shoutout to THANKFUL SONALI Library Class!  for her winning entry in my little "Deep POV Challenge!" Sonali received a Merit Badge -- way to go!
This was THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! 's entry of an original first person excerpt, rewritten in third-person deep POV:
I'm going to write this one, I know. I'm going to make Nicki like it. I can do this. I can win this Drama badge. I know I can.
She stared at the screen, chewing her lower lip. She knew she could do this. She was certain she could make the editor like her piece. The Drama badge was as good as in her inbox already!
Loved it!
Here's what others said:
Boos girl : Nicki, Excellent subject and you presented it so well, I wish I wrote it!  This is by far the most common issue I comment on. I usually tell the author to muzzle the pesky narrator and allow the MC to relate the emotions and actions in the story. The narrator should act as a partner in 'deep' POV...
Well said!
Free_Rip : Brilliant newsletter, Nicki! The examples were great in illustrating your point, and I found myself nodding along. Personally I've always tended toward 1st person, but it can be limiting sometimes. Maybe I'll have a go at that similar style of 3rd person and see where my writing goes from there. 
Of course, 1st person still trumps when the character's mind is somehow biased or being messed with. I love playing with unreliable narrators from a 1st person point of view - there's so much fun, twists, and multiple-layer meanings to be had!
Challenging the reader to think about the situation logically when the narrator isn't is a unique advantage of 1st person and 3rd person limited, and one that should be exploited with glee. 
Unreliable narrators are my favorites to write! And I find an unreliable third-person narrator is as easy to write as first person, as long as you go nice and deep .
Adriana Noir : Another fabulous newsletter, Nicki! I enjoyed this detailed look at third person and you gave some great working examples. Third person has always been my favorite POV to write from and read.
Thanks! Third person is my personal fave, too!
DRSmith   : A terrific newsie one of many literary technique that never tires of reiteration. The difference here is, many of us truly appreciate the use of clear and demonstrative examples vs textbook monologue... as it helps one grasp the concept. My bet, WDC'ers would like more of it... clear exemplification for teaching technique. Keep 'em coming.
Fantastic feedback! Thank you so much!!
BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful  : Always a good story to read.
Thank you.
Victoria Earle : This is great advice. I went through one of my novels and got rid of all the speech tags, and began doing more deep POV. But saw, realized, thought and other terms really got me. Thanks! More work - but my novel will be more compelling!
When I started pulling out "saw" and "realized," etc., I noticed a huge difference in the overall impact of my writing. They're such small edits, but so effective!
bookgraham : Thanks for reading? Thanks for posting! That's exactly what I'm trying to do with my story. You're a gem.
 Thank you so much!!!
Coolhand : Great discussion--and examples--on third-person limited. Very helpful, Nicki.
So glad it was a helpful NL!
StephBee  : Nicki, great article about 3rd person deep POV! Very informative and educational. Thanks much!
Thank you, Steph!
Lornda  : Thanks so much for highlighting my story "Invalid Item" ! You made my day! I really enjoy the way you write the newsletters because you give tips and show it by example! Keep up the amazing work! You're a  !
What awesome feedback! Thanks so much!!
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