 Comedy: April 24, 2013 Issue [#5608] |
  Comedy
This week: Brain Worms! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Lately, Web-Lock has been working a lot on writing lyrics. Since he's been so involved with this project, I've started doing a little research on lyrics, myself. |
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Okay, we've all had those terrible commercial jingles stuck in our head making us spurt forth nasty words to shock it from our brain. "I'll never, ever, buy that bleepin' product--E-V-E-R!"
Well, it's not just jingles that eat away at the brain cells, it's also regular, good old time music on the radio. I enjoy playing pool at the clubhouse. There is music piped into each room that can be turned on or off depending on the need for silence; the library, card room or TV room, for example. It's locked on what they call the "Oldies" station. It is grabbing music from the fifties, sixties and up to Disco. The management wanted to be sure to reach a good cross-section of its residents. Me? I'm just trying to stay alive.
I am a die-hard, classic, hard rock-n'-roller! I want some Zeppelin and Aerosmith, just to mention a couple. Those never play on the old-timer's station. Nope, I'm stuck with soft stuff, like "Daniel" by the same dude who wrote that memorable song, Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me, or whatever it's called. It just doesn't sound right! I'm then stuck with these mixed-up lyrics in my head all day. First of all, who cares if Daniel is on a plane to Spain? Spain is having a lot of financial problems. I wonder if Danny Boy is still infatuated with the place, now?
The other issue is, it seems that the particular station we are stuck with, is on some kind of random loop, whereas, you could possibly hear the offending tunes twice within a few hours.
It's not to say that I don't enjoy a handful of oldies that take me back to my early years, when I was a "Teen Angel." They jolt the memory and remind me of certain friends or a particular love interest who'd sing along with me on the way to the beach and arcades of old. Then I remember the friend who never returned that borrowed item and the boyfriend who dumped me because he thought my borrowing friend looked just fine in my dress! Who "Fooled Around and Fell in Love," then, huh? Yeah, I don't want those songs worming their way into my head, either! I hope he's paunchy and bald and she's one hundred pounds fatter! Try to borrow one of my dresses now, you cheap hussy--either one of you!
I know what you're thinking, "Take it Easy," Web~Witch. It's only music. It's another form of art and should all be appreciated."
In response, may I remind you of "Sugar, Honey Honey?" 'Nuff said!
Well it's getting on to the "Midnight Hour," and -- oh no, not that song! No way I'm falling asleep with that playing in my mind. Dang, there are times when I feel "I'm Stuck In The Middle" of all these oldies. Perhaps I ought to visit "Margaritaville." That would make me numb to all the noise in my head. No it won't. "It's Too Late," bay-beeeeee! There just ain't no "Mountain High Enough," for me to escape this.
But then, I must learn to respect others choices in radio stations. It is a community clubhouse, after all. You just gotta learn to "Dance To The Music," or move to the "Y-M-C-A!"
Yeah, community friends, relax, "Don't Fear the Reaper." I'll keep my music opinions to myself, but "I'll Be Watching You!"
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~witch |
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(No reviews please, just a rate in memory of this fine WDC'er)
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Chris Breva 
I can't use the old fashioned remedies anymore. I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink it I break out in orange jump suits and shackles! I'm an alcoholic in recovery. It's funny that since I quit drinking I no longer have to ask myself those four word questions in the morning.
You know the ones I'm talking about:
"Who is this woman?" Nope!
"Where is my car?" Nope!
"What jail is this?" Nope!
"What did I do?" Nope!
Now I remember everything from from the previous night.
Thanks
Marvin D. Schrebe
Hmmm, sorry, I just can't relate to any of those questions. However, I am happy that things are going much better for you, now!  Thank you for your feedback, Marvin. 
Mark Allen Mc Lemore 
Great newsletter. Thanks for the entertaining read. Your writing always brings a smile to my face.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it.  Thank you!
billwilcox
I've found over the years, that stomach problems are the best excuses for calling in sick from work. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to deal with someone who may throw up at anytime or have to rush to the facility because of an emergency. It's the two worst fluids imaginable for co-workers and bosses to have to deal with.
It's frightening just to think about it, Bill! Thanks Mr. Horror/Scary, for that visual aid.  Now where was that bucket?
drjim
Alrighty THEN, Webbie! ANOTHER super-cool newsletter this time around, only you have me in the 'starring role'. As a woe-be-gone, sickly Weblock no less! Wonderful! Stuff like this is GREAT for the Black Berry Brandy corporations! . Seriously, though, you took GREAT care of me indeed, as you always have done. LaGrippe rhymes with La Gripe, but you placed me in a more comfortable place in no time flat - and two weeks later, I felt like my old self again. Oh, hey - I think I know what it was that came down the 'Pike this time - we call it Helocobacter Pylori - that's the one! It ADORES the Sunshine State like none other, not to mention all these wonderful folks sitting in God's Waiting Room. Personally, I think I lost 30 lbs. along the way, so a new slim, trim WebLock is your new companion! How do you like 'im now, eh? EH?
I don't remember any helicopter ride. How did you catch that "Helocobacter" illness, anyway? Are you taking up flying, too? Stick to the broom, it's quiet, efficient and airy--so you don't catch those pesky germs.
LJPC - the tortoise
HI WW! It's like you and the store owner were long lost relatives. I hope both cures worked (yours and his) and that he's all better now. Thanks for the laughs!
~ Laura
Oh, he's much better, now, Laura. And I made it through his illness cool, calm, collected and happy!
BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful 
Tell him to enjoy a good story, one where John Wayne's having a bad day.
Submitted item:"True Grit Scene Spoof"
Thanks for your feedback folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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