 Comedy: October 09, 2013 Issue [#5916] |
  Comedy
This week: Not Just for Kids, Anymore! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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This is a great time of year to be a pumpkin, Charlie Brown! |
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Amazon's Price: $ 19.95
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I have always enjoyed Halloween. I loved making costumes for the children and dressing them up in the most unusual designs I could think of. At first, when they were very little, the costumes were adorable.
Of course there was the "costume" I made for my 9-month-old daughter, back in the day. I incorporated the use of her "saucer shaped" walker for ease of ambulation on the festive night. It was the perfect shape to disguise as a pumpkin and the wheels made it glide along, like a pumpkin on a roll.  It worked fine until the bottom of the costume got caught under the wheels. 
Then there was the annual "Monsters on Parade" when the kids reached kindergarten age, at their school. However, since some children couldn't afford costumes or forgot them at home, there would always be the good old brown shopping bag with a pumpkin cut-out glued to it and a wide slash so the child could see where he was going, during the parade. Let me get this straight, the schools these days worry so much about kids' self-esteem, that they place a big bag over their heads and make them march in a parade where scores of people stand watching and laughing?
Hmmmm, I think I just discovered the cause of low self-esteem in young children. The cure -- remove the bags from their heads! Sheesh, I should have become a shrink! "Have a seat kid, and tell me your problems. But first, take that silly bag off your head! What's that you say? You feel much better, now? Well, there you go! Oh, by the way, remind your parents not to try that with plastic, okay?"
However, as the kids grew older they started to enjoy horror movies and wanted to dress-up as scarier creatures of the night for that holiday. Thus, I started making my house look very spooky, and my kids and their friends loved it! I even had in-between Halloween celebrating parties, where they could run in the house and grab some freshly baked, bloody-bat wings. (Translation, Oriental, sweet and sour sauce-covered chicken wings, that hung over the baking dish by an arm and were drizzled in the "blood.")
Fast-forwarding ahead, Halloween became unusually interesting since my children have all flown the Web-Coop by exercising their bat wings. I used to spend weeks decorating the house in the haunted fashion of the season. However, since needing to leave earlier, last autumn, due to my impending hip-replacement surgery, and the fact that I couldn't horrify the house like I used to do because of the restrictions on my movement; it was the first Halloween in over thirty years that I didn't decorate the house and spook the neighborhood kids. They always looked forward to it and dubbed my house "The Halloween House." (Of course that name stuck all through the year. Parents said that whenever they drove past my house, their kids would shout out, "that's The Halloween House, Mom!")
I felt guilty for a couple weeks, as the school bus passed by and the kids looked out the window to see if the decorating had begun. That guilt followed me up to the day we packed the car and left "The Halloween House." When WL and I reached Florida, it was the night before Halloween. I thought of scrambling early the next day to buy a bunch of candy in case kids would drop by to trick-or-treat, over there. Thus, a last minute rush to Wal-Mart and a quick grab for the candy that was left for picking, got me all nostalgic, again. I saw a few adult costumes left and thought, why not?
I found a saloon girl costume for me and a gangster one for WL. I figured, we could at least dress-up for the occasion,( although it wasn't our usual scary costumes,) and when the kids had finished for the night, we'd head over to the clubhouse and play some pool, all costumed-up.
When we returned from the store, we stopped by the clubhouse to let some friends know we had arrived South a little early in the year, and asked them about the Halloween protocol in that community, and if many children show-up. Well, to my surprise, we were told that no trick-or-treaters come to our age-qualified community. They said that we are off the beaten path and gated, so nobody bothers to come for Halloween. You mean I didn't have to spend all that money on candy? Oh, well, WL will make that disappear in no time. 
"Oh, that's kind of sad. I don't know how to do a nothing kind of Halloween. Now, I'm sorry I didn't wait a couple weeks longer before returning here."
"Don't feel bad, WW; we still celebrate Halloween, here!" We have a big bash, with dinner and a band and dancing, plus plenty of candy to top off the evening! We all wear costumes, too! It's our very own "Monster Mash."
So the story goes, folks. WL and I celebrated a carefree evening of spooks and games and delightful fun; and I didn't have to do a thing except show-up. It was like being a kid all over again -- well, except for the drinking and pool playing, that is.
So, to all those little munchkins in princess and super hero costumes, all I can say, is; Halloween tricks aren't just for kids, anymore!"
We are planning to be at the Halloween Monster Mash, again this year. However, I'll have a better hip to dance on, this time! To be guilty or not to be guilty? Hmmmm, after thirty plus years of treating kids to the spookiest house in town, let someone else pick-up the banner and run with it. This Witch is outta here!
Have a spooktacular Halloween folks. Remember, it's never too late to be a kid again--even for just one night.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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drjim
Right! RIGHT! This is one of your Top Ten Comedic Newsletters, Webbie - I'll give you that much! Indeed, I cannot tell a lie; it was someone bearing a strong resemblance to myself that cleaned up the fridge one day, drawers out, old food tossed, surfaces cleaned and THEN I saw the bottle of the Chrome Polisher! Oh YES, I thought, gotta go with what we know! It sparkles BEAUTIFULLY now! The French Press is a different story, such a petulant little thing, but makes GREAT coffee. You see, whenever the wire mesh gets old, the Press can do a marvelous, MAH-VEL-LOUS imitation of Old Faithful, which BTW does NOT go off on schedule very often any more. Damnit. So the French Press makes up for THAT, erupting straight up to just beneath one's chin and then sending 'black lava' down the front of one's pantaloons, giving you great reason to perform Chinese Fire Drill Evasive Tactics 101 right there in the comfort of your country kitchen. No harm done. Great aerobics otherwise!
Too much to absorb before my coffee, Doc!
Jacqueline 
MY dad has a fridge he and my mum bought when they got married in 1958. It still works and very handy at party times. I love your newsletters I get a laugh out of them.
Thanks, Rosemaree! I appreciate the feedback and am happy your enjoyed the newsletter.  They new how to make things back in '58! Strong to last long. 
brom21
I laughed out loud with your description that said “I'm sure one or two of them still works and someone wants to get rid of it for today's ultra-modern models that are filled with plastic shelf-holders and meat and vegetable bins.” Way to make your point. I agree with you that all those items that have the superfluous bells and whistles up the yahoo are peddled like crazy. I can relate this with the number of gigabytes that they keep including in PlayStation 3 consoles. The one that I got has five-hundred gigs and that was overkill. I still bought it though. Now I wonder why.
We are consumer suckers, that's why! We don't need all the bells and whistles, but for some reason, don't want to do without them. I am retraining my brain on that particular glitch of sanity!  Thanks for the feedback. 
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! Congrats on the new low-tech washer -- and sticking it to The Man by buying on a no-tax weekend. I've been suspicious of high-tech stuff ever since cars got fuel injectors and power locks and windows. It takes forever for the mechanics to find an electrical problem, and if you end up in the water, your windows and doors won't open. (Not that I've ever driven into the water, but it's the principle.) Thanks for the great NL and good luck with the new/old refrigerator next spring. 
~ Laura
I do carry a handy-dandy, window breaking device in my car for just that purpose, Laura, Not that I drive into the water, either, -- often.
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Laugh hard, laugh often. I do, Wolfman, I do!
submits: "Werewolf Invasion"
Thank you for all of your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
WW
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