 Comedy: March 26, 2014 Issue [#6223] |
  Comedy
This week: Juice That! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Hello, folks! Happy spring, to all of those living in the Northern Hemisphere.  Don’t worry, that snow won’t hang around much longer.
This newsletter isn't about the weather, though -- It's time for WebWitch to take back her kitchen! Read on, folks ...
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Okay, I can’t complain too much about the whole juicing thing going on at the Web-Home. I have lost a few pounds with little effort because of it, and WL makes the best Bloody Mary mix, hands down. My issue is men in the kitchen, period! I’ve gotten used to WL taking over the kitchen to prep and juice the two hundred vegetables we consume each day. However, he’s starting to think the kitchen is a new type of man cave. He has been rearranging where I store my pots and pans, utensils and cupboard goods. That's a potentially dangerous situation!
I opened a cupboard and reached above my head to grab for a spice bottle, but it was buried behind several empty tea tins. One by one, tins started falling out when I grabbed for the particular spice. I covered my face and swung my arm like a bat to prevent being hit about the head by one of them. However, to my credit, I still have an arm for softball, because a couple of those cans were propelled into the dining room. Thus, following the falling objects being strewn about, I had to go and collect them all, rewash them and store them in a safer spot.
To his credit, he does appreciate my culinary skills and offers to help with the dishes or slice and dice any vegetable he forgot to juice that day. He also sweeps and washes the floor.
“So what are you complaining about, Web~Witch? I wish my guy would help around the kitchen the way WL does.”
I knew you were going to say that! See folks, your host knows her audience. Read on.
It amazes me that guys have no idea about prep area sanitation. In other words, for some reason I can’t explain, Web-Lock decides to grab a broom and sweep the floor, right under wear I’m preparing supper.
“WL, please don’t sweep right now. The food is uncovered and you’ll bring-up all that dust that sticks to the broom’s bristles. Wait until I’m finished prepping and the food is covered.”
“Oh, right, I forgot, WW. I just wanted to get a head start on cleaning-up. You’re right, of course, it’s not a good idea to shake-up dust while there’s food uncovered.”
Since he couldn’t sweep, he jumped right into washing the few dishes I had placed in the sink while preparing the food. Now, I have about two feet of room to work at the counter. WL is a tall, muscular man who commands a lot of space when working.
“WL, could you please wait until I’m done marinating this meat before doing the dishes? I have no room to move around this small space and get to the spice shelf that is on the other side of you.”
Again, he apologizes for not making my life easier by the acts of trying to make my life easier.
“I’ll just get vacuuming then, WW.”
“No, not yet, WL, vacuums can put out a lot of dust, too and this is an open area. I’m still prepping food.”
“You know Web~Witch, I think you are just trying to make me hate the kitchen. You probably would be happy if I stopped juicing the vegetables, and any other help I give you in this sterile environment. For goodness sakes, next you’ll be asking me to wear one of those white coveralls, along with a mask and hood!”
“No, no, that’s not at all what I was thinking, Web-Lock. I really appreciate all the help you give me in the kitchen, it’s just that the timing’s off. Also, I really do love it when you are keeping me company while I’m working in the kitchen. However, I do wish you’d wait to do your woodcarving until I’ve finished preparing the food. And by the way, that bowl you’re carving is a beautiful piece.”
“Fine! I can take a hint, WW. I’ll keep away from the kitchen. After all, I don’t want to show-up on one of Gordon Ramsay’s new shows, called Home-Kitchen Nightmares!”
“You’re a good man, WL. You always look out for my best interests. Perhaps I can help in this dilemma. I know a perfect room you can sweep, wash, scrub and shine.”
“Which one is that, WW?”
“The bathroom, WL, the bathroom. Give it all you’ve got. Believe me, I won’t complain one bit.”
Don't even let me get started about why chairs seem to be an attractive setting place for a guy's shoes. 
It’s a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter, folks.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Marci Missing Everyone 
I had to laugh about the juicing counteracting all that unhealthy food. Men really have a funny sense of healthy eating. Mine definitely has his funny share of quirks in the kitchen. Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it tonight!
My pleasure, Marci! I know what you mean about guys in the kitchen. Thanks for the feedback.
Quick-Quill 
WW, I don't like tomatoes. I've learned over many years to appreciate tomato soup, tomatoes added to hot dishes, chile and mixed foods. My family loves tomato sandwiches which smell good when I'm making them but I can only get a 1/2 one down. At a New Years Eve party the Hostess had a large pitcher of Gazpacho juice with quartered Cuc's as garnish. (no alcohol is served) I had Gazpacho once and it wasn't bad. Interesting I might add. I took a small taste of the juice and found it to be quite pleasant. I actually drank the whole glass, congratulating myself at liking TOMATO Juice. I asked the hostess what was in the juice that made it taste so good. She took me aside and said," Don't tell anyone but its just Bloody Mary Mix." I was shocked. I'd never had a bloody Mary as I don't like tomato juice. My husband asks for V8 or T. J. on the plane when he travels. Whatever the combination of Bloody Mary mix is to V8 is a whole lot more tasty than any plain tomato juice. I haven't bought any but the next time I fly somewhere I'm asking for just the Bloody Mary juice, why pay for the alcohol?
Why? Because it makes a plane trip so much easier! I'll pay the extra cost.  That aside, I like the idea of the Bloody Mary mix to make Gazpacho! Cool idea.  Thanks for the feedback. 
dragonwoman 
Well, WL should know that all that fibre that's clogging the plumbing is also necessary for your body's health and function(if you get my drift). I'm with you WW, eat the whole veg and keep juicing for special occasions (like cocktails!)
Yay! That's what I'm talking about! 
Jeff 
My wife and I just got a juicer and are discovering the joys of fresh juices... and what to do with all that slimy pulp afterwards. 
Let me know if you figure out anything appetizing to do with it. I have used it to make a broth along with other things like left-over turkey and chicken carcass. It came out really good--but that's probably because of the aforementioned carcass. 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! Well, at least WL is trying to be healthy. My hubby had a serious medical problem, is on all kinds of meds, and was on a doctor-ordered regime. But now, he regressed. Danish, mayo, and fried are his middle names. He's totally gone back to the way he used to eat, and I'm still trying to make healthy food, dagnabbit!! Juicing may be annoying, but I have to give points for WL's attempt.
~Laura
Yeah, I guess so. Well, as long as he wants to do all the prep work for the juicer, I can't complain too much. I manage to hide a few veggies here and there in corner of the fridge so there is something for a side dish at supper time.  It is difficult to get a guy who loves the bad food, to give it up or at least take a healthy break from it. It's a long, slow path of change. Thanks for the comments, Laura. 
Submitted Items:
Janine
Perhaps you would consider listing my tiny story in the newsletter. Thanks. "Becoming Popular"
Done! 
BIG BAD WOLF is Merry 
Speaking of cooking. "Chicken Wings"
Thanks for your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month,
~WW
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