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This newsletter should be of interest to all writers of short stories. If it isn't please write and let me know where I'm going wrong.
Mavis Moog |
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Pleonasm
No, it isn't a microscopic marine animal or a posh word for a sneeze. Pleonasm is the use of more words than are necessary to express an idea; redundancy, a superfluous word or phrase. The word comes from the Latin, pleonasmus, from the Greek pleonasmos, "superabundance", from pleonazein - to be more than enough. The adjective is pleonastic.
If that example of pleonasm, quoted from The reader's Digest Universal Dictionary, is not sufficient you might have a hard time spotting pleonasm.
It is easy to fall into the trap of over-writing. I have seen it many times in amateur and professional writing. Here are some examples, picked from classic, and modern, best-selling literature.
 "I sat on the front steps with them while they waited for their car. It was dark here in front..." F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby).
"...a lion's head rose above the leaves. They ran to it. It was a lion, its limbs fastened to a cross..." Gustave Flaubert (Salammbo)
"As Sophie pulled the taxi to a stop in front of their destination, Langdon gazed out at the building's uncompromising architecture..." Dan Brown (The Davinci Code)
If well-respected writers make the occasional error, maybe we should forgive them; but we, aspiring hopefuls, must be tough with ourselves. Did you notice that one? "aspiring hopefuls," is a common howler. Other common tautologies, which are a particularly concise form of pleonasm, are without let or hindrance; we reiterate again; he lived in a single storey bungalow.
There is much discussion about the differences between tautology and pleonasm - there is really. The main difference is that where pleonasm is the use of too many words, tautology is the repetition of meaning.
Examples of pleonasm
at this moment in time because the phrase could be replaced with now
more preferable, because "more" is unnecessary.
Examples of tautology
limited only to...
one additional thing had been added because meanings have been repeated.
One of the funnier examples of tautology is the one that appears in the Oxford Concise Dictionary, where is defines tautology as, "saying of the same thing twice over in different words." This definition is an example of the fault it is defining. The word, "twice" is redundant, because "same" implies repetition.
Tautology is absolutely wrong, and should not be excused, whereas pleonasm, while it remains bad style, can be more easily overlooked. Indulgence in flowery, over-illustrated, phrasing makes prose dull. This is particularly important in a short story. The concise nature of the short story really should encourage us all to keep the flapperage (to borrow a certain WDC member's expression) to a minimum.
I hope I do not offend too many when I say that I find Joseph Conrad's writing style dull because it is too wordy. Take the opening paragraph of his novel, Nostromo;
"In the time of Spanish rule, and for many years afterwards, the town of Sulaco--the luxuriant beauty of the orange gardens bears witness to its antiquity--had never been commercially anything more important than a coasting port with a fairly large local trade in ox-hides and indigo. The clumsy deep-sea galleons of the conquerors that, needing a brisk gale to move at all, would lie becalmed, where your modern ship built on clipper lines forges ahead by the mere flapping of her sails, had been barred out of Sulaco by the prevailing calms of its vast gulf. Some harbours of the earth are made difficult of access by the treachery of sunken rocks and the tempests of their shores. Sulaco had found an inviolable sanctuary from the temptations of a trading world in the solemn hush of the deep Golfo Placido as if within an enormous semi-circular and unroofed temple open to the ocean, with its walls of lofty mountains hung with the mourning draperies of cloud."
Please forgive my impertinence when I re-write this passage, thus:
"For many years since Spanish rule, the town of Sulaco had never been more important than a coasting port with a vigorous local trade in ox-hides and indigo. The clumsy deep-sea galleons of the conquerors that, needing a gale to move at all, where your modern clipper forges ahead by the mere flapping of her sails, had been barred from Sulaco by the calms of its vast gulf. Some harbours are difficult to access because of sunken rocks and tempests. Sulaco was a sanctuary from the temptations of a trading world in the solemn hush of the deep Golfo Placido as if within an amphitheatre open to the ocean, with its mountainous walls hung with the mourning draperies of cloud."
It's still not great, but I think you have to agree, it is better. It could be simplified even further;
"The Spanish galleons could not get into the port of Sulaco because they needed more wind than was available. Only light coasters docked there, to trade skins and indigo. The town lay in a natural amphitheatre, beneath cloud-shrouded mountains." but maybe that lacks some of Conrad's atmosphere.
In the interests of controversy I shall throw some spanners in the works. There is much written about the use of modifiers, or adverbs, as we Brits call them. Many feel that any use of adverbs is pleonastic. I disagree with this opinion and while I counsel against a writer's reliance on adverbs, I do not ban them from my writing. For instance, it would be sloppy to write, walked erratically when staggered is what one meant, talked loudly is a poor substitute for shouted, but not all adverbs can be replaced with a more expressive verb or adjective. Consider chatted intimately. If this phrase describes how two people conversed, what is wrong with it? There is not a good single verb that could replace it... unless you know better. My point is that some rules, which may be designed to help the novice avoid poor style, should not be set in stone. Adverbs can be used correctly (there's another one) and do not always (and another one) denote lack of sophistication.
I was accused, and found guilty of pleonasm recently. I had written, "He wore a neckerchief around his neck." A kindly reviewer high-lighted my error and I was able to correct it. So remember, be strict with yourself, but don't allow occasional errors to strip your confidence. We're only human. Maybe dolphins would make fewer gaffs. |
This memoir is a fascinating read and has some very serious points to make.
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This story describes a strategy for life.
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This is a very short story about expectation.
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This is a story to make you smile.
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A murder...
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Your comments about Pleonasm.
Big Mike 2humble2bragbut... said this, "I try to avoid pleonasm at all costs. I thought I had it once, but it just turned out to be a kidney infection."
Vivian  offered this good advice, "I try to avoid redundancy by making sure I don't 'tell' about something that I 'show,' or that I should show. Constant revisions also help as I look for pleonasm as well as other writing failings. ~~ Viv. "
Comments about previous topics.
billwilcox said, "What a wonderfully hilarious newsletter. You are so talented! This was such a great way to teach something about writing without the reader having to feel like he was in class...lol.
How do you avoid Pleonasm?..." I'm sorry, but Bill's witticism here has been censored, to maintain this newsletter's E rating.   - MM .
shadowdawn said, "The best time to use cliches is when you wish to trick your readers. Make them expect the cliche, take it for granted, then change the rules."
magdalena_b said this, " Lol! I loved the line 'A facial scar is enough to make a character either insane or bent on revenge.'
Clichés are so......cliché  aren't they? While clichéd phrases can be helpful in a story (if one does not go overboard), a clichéd story is just plain painful. I love stories that challenge the reader, or lead me down a path, while actually heading in a completely different direction. I love stories that surprise me, don't you? - Yes. MM
April Sunday had this to say about the use of cliché, and I agree with him, "Sometimes slang or repetition fits. Once a rev came to me with: writing about foreignors or using Southern speak is cliche. Sorry, so what."
rose_shadow "What a great newsletter! I winced a couple of times while reading it because I know that too often I fall into cliche without being aware of it. These innocent looking, but hackneyed phrases fall so easily from our pens (or keyboards) that they're often hard to spot on a re-read."
katherinerose shows her excellent judgement with this comment, "Mavis, you give us such useful tips in your newsletters. I look forward to reading your writings whether in a newsletter or other pieces. Thank you from Australia."
schipperke is clearly a dangerous woman to upset - you have been warned - "The words that drive me insane are ones such as the exclamation..'Sweet!'. If I hear that one more time I will pour honey on the offender's hair." - what if the offender is Telly Savalas? -MM
PlannerDan "Mavis, I thoroughly enjoyed this edition. Your presentation of the cliche was very clever. If I had my way, the use of a cliche would carry with it a fine. Let's say, it would cost a dollar each time we used one. I bet your bottom dollar we would use a lot less of them. However, sometimes the situation just seems appropriate to use the dang thing; you know, just for grins." - You stick to betting your own bottom dollars, if you don't mind Dan. - MM
Next months newsletter will be about imagery, which should not be the preserve of poetry. What exceptional examples, good or bad, have you noticed? |
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Short Stories: October 12, 2005 Issue [#628]
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