 Spiritual: May 28, 2014 Issue [#6342] |
  Spiritual
This week: Trivial Pursuits Edited by: SophyBells  
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Hi, I'm SophyBells ~ your editor for this edition of the Spiritual Newsletter.
The Rev. Scotty McLennan, author of the book Finding Your Religion, compares humanity's innate need for spiritual searching to climbing a mountain. In his view, we are all endeavoring to climb the same figurative mountain in our search for the divine, we just may take different ways to get there. In other words, there is one "God," but many paths. I honor whatever path or paths you have chosen to climb that mountain in your quest for the Sacred.  |
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Trivial Pursuits
The Monday morning after Mother's Day, as I prepared to leave Connecticut after a lovely weekend with our niece, Mr. Sophy called to share the news that his brother had died following a heart attack he suffered a few days earlier. Since I was only a couple of hours away, we agreed I would stay at my niece's home for another day instead of starting my drive home, and meet Mr. Sophy in New Jersey on Tuesday.
I knew there was a strong chance this would happen, given the news we received days before about Scott’s heart attack and how serious it was. I knew there was even more of a chance he would die after Mr. Sophy spoke to Scott’s wife on Saturday and was told things had declined further. Still, I held out hope that the call I would get Monday morning would be that Scott was improving and on the road to recovery. Over time he would get better, change his diet and lifestyle, be grateful to the medical teams that saved his life, watch his sons grow up and start adult lives of their own, enjoy his grandchildren, and grow old with his wife. That is what should have happened, how this whole thing should have turned out if life was fair. But life isn’t fair. Scott never woke up, his condition deteriorated, and he breathed his last on Mother's Day, just a few weeks after his 47th birthday, leaving his 9 and 7 year old sons fatherless and his wife a much-too-young widow.
Linda Peebles writes: “Life is fragile. And the pain of losing one another, of death, is so intense. Whether it is expected after long illness, or when it comes suddenly and unexpectedly – each time we are reminded of the Great Mystery, shocked into seeing things differently for a time.” And that is what my experience has been – seeing things differently than I usually do. One of the things I see differently is the need to stop wasting precious time by allowing my perspective to get derailed and bogged down in trivialities. This came to mind for us both in the wake of Scott’s heart attack and death in the way we were treated by his wife. While Scott was in the hospital, news from her was limited to infrequent short texts and two brief phone calls – Mr. Sophy always having to initiate contact to find anything out. On Monday morning Mr. Sophy texted her requesting an update, not having heard from her since he call tried to call on Saturday. She called back and told him that Scott died the previous day, and that the visitation and funeral would be Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively. She made the plans without input from Mr. Sophy, barely leaving him time to make it to either service. As he scrambled to pack and leave Illinois on short notice Monday morning, I was angry she had not called him on Sunday when Scott died, and tried to figure out why she had been so unwilling to give Mr. Sophy, Scott’s only remaining family member, more timely updates. When I exhausted the possibilities I could imagine for her behavior, I eventually wrote it off to grief and being overwhelmed, cut her some slack, and Mr. Sophy and I put our heads together to get him to New Jersey. He made it to our motel an hour before the visitation began.
When we arrived at the funeral home, we stood in line with other guests to greet Scott’s widow, who was formal and aloof when we finally reached her. She did not introduce us to family, nor thank us for coming. The next day at the funeral, her brother and several of Scott’s friends served as pallbearers. Mr. Sophy was not asked to be one. Again my anger flared as I tried to figure out why Mr. Sophy was being so deliberately excluded. I wondered both to myself and out loud what we could have done wrong or failed to do right for her to be so dismissive of Scott’s only brother, the only living original family connection her sons have to their father. And while we both fumed about it for a while as we headed back to Illinois right after the service, having not been invited to the luncheon we were certain was happening – as we crossed the border from New Jersey into Pennsylvania, we finally found some much needed perspective.
The perspective that makes sense to us now is this; there is nothing to be gained in speculating why Scott's wife acted the way she did, nor in taking offense from it. It happened, it’s over, and there’s nothing that can change it. We will continue to be part of her son’s lives if she would like us to be. We will keep her in our thoughts and prayers as she deals with devastating grief. But we agreed to stop wasting precious time letting our perspective get derailed by the trivialities of wondering “why,” and to focus instead on the precious and fragile life with which we are still blessed. Mr. Sophy allowed himself to begin grieving the loss of his only sibling, and to grieve for his nephews and Scott’s wife. Together we let go of any resentment we felt and wished her well. We concentrated on feeling grateful for each other, for Mr. Sophy's recovery after cancer surgery last year, for the spring greening along our drive home, and for returning to a community who love and support us.
Within life's random distribution of good and bad fortune, each of us is left to navigate reality with whatever faith and strength as we can muster. We can choose our battles and our attitudes. We can decide where to direct our attention and energy. We can set our intentions as we will for drama or forgiveness, for ego or for love. No matter how many years we manage to survive or thrive on this planet, life really is too short to wallow in ego trips. Likely we humans are the only species who live with the cognitive awareness of our mortality. It seems that we alone are capable of contemplating whatever meaning there may be to our finite existence. What makes our time worthy? What problems and opportunities transcend our concern for our individual happiness? What contributions might we make for the benefit of the greater good? And perhaps most crucially, what distortions and distractions take away from such noble inclinations. Those inclined to pay attention consider the principles by which we navigate this unexpected journey. And perhaps it is our responses themselves that create the meaning we seek. Perhaps the meaning of life is about forgiving and loving to the extent that I choose to forgive and love from among the various options available to me. Perhaps the meaning of life is to establish justice only to the extent that I espouse and practice justice myself. Perhaps the meaning of life is to redeem suffering into an experience of evolving compassion and charity precisely because I seek to involve myself with those who suffer.
Mr. Sophy noted that Scott had his heart attack in the process of getting ready to attend one of his son’s baseball games. No doubt he had errands at work he might have chosen to do instead. No doubt he had personal activities he might have taken the opportunity to enjoy. But Scott’s last waking moments were spent choosing his family. I hope that when my end comes, I am involved in something as worthy as practicing my love for family or friends. It would be disappointing and wasteful to sacrifice any more time cultivating resentments or planning to settle scores so long as there are wounds to be healed, justice to be sought, ideas to be explored, peace to be made, and friends to be cherished. We navigate reality with all the faith and strength we can muster, understanding the random nature of our existence for what it is. For Scott, the meaning of life was being a father and husband. That would be less true if Scott had lacked perspective and chosen some other way to spend his time on a random Tuesday evening.
What is the meaning of your life? How do you pursue that meaning? What are the pitfalls that threaten to derail your perspective, the temptations that bog you down in trivialities?
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Here is a response to my last newsletter "Spiritual Newsletter (April 30, 2014)" about "Polarized Lenses," featuring Mr. Sophy -
From Mia - craving colour 
I enjoyed your thoughtful article Mr. Sophy. In particular, your list of characteristics adds additional healthy attitudes to our humanity. Respect and grace could take us a far ways on our personal/spiritual journey in relationship to the Cosmos, the earth and those who cross our paths or walk alongside us
Mr. Sophy thanks you for your thoughtful comments.
     
From Quick-Quill 
http://youtu.be/aVdy3mCg2jY this video is bout perception. We all need a pair of these glasses now and then. If we only saw others as God does, things would be different. We can't, but with His help, we can be sensitive to the needs of others and in so doing, we become better people. We can't be perfect, but we can work on it!
Thanks so much for sharing the video, and your wisdom.
From Chasing Worms 
Wonderful newsletter today. I loved your "Polarized Lenses." It is very inspiring and I also believe in the "fruits of the spirit" as you've so eloquently described. It is a daily walk, a daily practice to stay "in spirit" and not let the anger and anxiety of the world contaminate your thoughts. Being "in spirit" brings more peace and happiness to my days. Thank you for this.
You are most welcome, thank you for your kind words.
From Elfin Dragon-finally published
I always find it interesting that you have a NL with the exact thing of which is happening in my life. Today I received 2 jobs and one of them, though temporary, I took because the woman just needs someone to help her. I told my job adviser I would have taken the job for free because of the obvious need she had. But she is a generous soul and is offering a fair wage for what I'll be doing for her. But I think that's the point, isn't it? Just wanting to help someone because they need it and not wanting anything in return. To do a good job for someone, whether company or individual, because it's the right thing to do. Not because they're paying you to do it. Finding peace in whatever path you find yourself on because you don't know if it's the one God has set you on. All you can do is pray and do your best.
Amen, thank you for sharing this.
Please keep your comments and suggestions coming! Until next time! SophyBells
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