 Comedy: June 18, 2014 Issue [#6370] |
  Comedy
This week: Time to Dust-Off the Web-Brrrrrrroom! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Imagine a lovely spring day.The birds are singing, the sun is shining, there is a long stretch of country road and all is harmonious in the Web-Car, that is until ...
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Hello, folks! I hope all you dads out there enjoyed a wonderful Father’s Day. 
June is also Web-Lock’s birthday month. It happens close to Father’s Day weekend, making it a very special time to spoil him and show my appreciation for all he has done for me and my son over the years. Yes, folks, that means riding through the countryside, serenely soaking-up the local color and looking for
out-of-the-way antique shops to see if there was something WL would like for his birthday.
We started our little tour at an apple orchard/antique/ collectibles and other things, sort of shop. I wanted apples; he wanted a rocking chair. That’s right, he saw a rocking chair over in the collectibles part of the store. I knew I wasn’t going to get out of that store without it. He sat and rocked while I stood at the line near the cash register. I melted, what can I say?
“Web-Lock, would you like me to get you that for your birthday?”
“Really? Oh, wow, sure Web~Witch, that would be super. I really love this chair. It’s the perfect fit for me and my bad back. How nice of you to notice that I’d like this chair for my birthday.”
 Notice? I didn’t know how not to notice. The rocking sound, the big smile on his face. The, “do you notice how good I feel in this chair.” look? Hint, hint!
So, we packed the chair into the SUV and continued on our adventure. Let’s paint this picture again. Imagine a lovely spring day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, there is a long stretch of country road and all is harmonious in the Web-Car, that is until ...
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!" I let out a gasp and clutched my chest.
Yes folks, my dear, sweet, profoundly deaf WL, forgot to turn down the volume on the stereo after he got back from the store the day before and hit the on button. The decibel level would have matched a Military jet aircraft take-off, from an aircraft carrier, with afterburner at 50 ft, which equals 130 dB. Whereby , the average human pain threshold is 16 times as loud as 70 dB. Don’t you just love Wikipedia, folks.  However, I may be exaggerating a tinge, here. Just a tinge, mind you.
“I’m sorry, WW. I guess I forgot to turn down the volume, earlier. Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
“Are you trying to kill me Web-Lock? Because you’re gonna give me a heart attack one of these days. You’ll be sorry, 'cause you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. There will be no more homemade pasta and sausage, not to mention your favorite corned beef meal! How are you gonna feel then, Hmmm?”
“No, sweetie, it was a mistake. You know how deaf I am. I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“WL, you know I don’t mind the increase in volume once I realize the stereo is on -- I’m a reasonable witch. I just don’t want to jump out of my skin when out of the blue you turn on the music and I’m looking out the window at the serene countryside and then am compelled to grab my chest and let out a yelp to the tune of 'I’m On The Highway To Hell!'”
Well folks, until we reach a mutual understanding on this subject, I’m riding my broom! It’s quiet, a little breezy, but quiet. No danger of being frightened off it. Unless of course, WL’s riding with me and bringing along a portable stereo!
Yeah, well Web-Lock, see how far YOU can drive a broom without a witch!
Anyway, folks, I hope I survive another car trip with WL to be able to say -- “See you next month!”
It’s a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Here is some feedback from my last Comedy Newsletter, "Comedy Newsletter (May 21, 2014)"
drjim
Well folks, as you can see, WebWitch does her part to enhance TOURISM in every part of America she travels whether its by bus, train, plane or simply by Volvo. THIS particular NL was about her considerable trips to the bathrooms of two AMAZING National Parks and Landmarks: but why, after reading her words do we begin to feel the special, "hidden" meaning of 'landmark'? Ah yes, the Ol' Fire Hydrant Switcheroo Trick at its level best. Granted, people, WW in full battle gear is a recon force set out to commandeer as many Men's Rooms as she feels necessary, but she forgot ONE SMALL DETAIL....its called "How Much Did You Enjoy The HOF and South Of The Border?!?" For gawdsakes, Webbie, I have it on good authority that a very powerful political leader will be visiting Cooperstown in a matter of a few days AND.......thank God I managed your travel itinerary so that you would have been long gone before the President arrives. Its the best I could do for the Secret Service, yes?
Hmmm, I guess someone that important wouldn't want me encroaching on his space in the Men's room. So I guess you planned the trip perfectly. 
Thanks, Doc!
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW - or should I write WL, since there seems to be some question of entering doors marked "Men"?  You are indeed a pioneer. I'm too shy to go in a Men's Room. (Plus, those things are smelly.  ) I wonder what restroom Pedro uses?
~ Laura
A very large one! That Pedro is a hugely tall fella. 
Thanks, Laura. Always love your feedback, kiddo. 
Quick-Quill
OH MY! I remember a NUMBER of years ago, I attended a Garth Brooks concert at an old Arena in St. Paul, MN. The place, of course, was packed and you know the line to the women's room long. One Pioneer woman spoke to her husband, who exited the empty men's room and rushed in. She smiled when she left and the rest followed. Now the men were a little upset that the women were in the stalls and the men at the urinals. At the next break in the action, Security Guards stood at the men's facility barring any female entrance. There was an uproar but the guards stood firm, No females in the men's room. While there was much grumbling and rude comments about the Area's lack of female facilities, the rest of us just laughed and crossed our legs.
Yes, concerts -- that's when it all begins. There's a whole lot of that pioneering going on all over the place. 
Thanks for your feedback and sharing your story.  Loved it!
brom21
Thanks for the humorous bathroom cliché. Have you ever had the situation where you have diarrhea and on a bus or at a party and you’re holding in liquid? That happened to me once on the bus headed for college and I was afraid I would soil myself at any moment. It’s kind of ornery to talk about it but hey, probably everybody can relate. What gets me really upset is when you go to a foreign place and you have to pay to use the restroom! What if you have no change on you and you’re desperate. God forbid you never have to go through that if you haven’t already. Anyway this tickled my funny bone quite well. Kudos!
I hate to admit that I remember pay toilets being all over the place, when I was a kid. Kids, however, are really good at squeezing under the space in the door and releasing the locks for a bunch of urgent need, users standing in line. Hey they might as well collect the nickel for their public service. Some would even tip more because they had no small change. 
Of course, I wouldn't know anything about those enterprising youngsters.
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling
Comments:
Well, things could of been worse & submits: "What's Behind Me?"
Indeed, Wolfman!.
Thanks for your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See You next month,
~WW
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