 Spiritual: November 26, 2014 Issue [#6677] |
  Spiritual
This week: I See You Edited by: Shannon  
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3. Letter from the Editor
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Would you ever walk into a public restroom and say, "Does anyone have a tampon they can spare?" Yeah, me either. Would you ask a coworker for a ride home from work when your car won't start at 7:30 p.m. on a dark, frigid winter's night? Nope, me either. I'd rather pay out the nose for a cab. How about asking the guy in line behind you at the supermarket for two quarters because you're 47 cents short? Negatory, good buddy. I'd rather put something back and go home without everything I came there for than ask for fifty cents.
Let's look at it another way. If you were in a public restroom and someone yelled, "Hey, anyone in here got a tampon to spare?" Would you think anything of it? Would you, without hesitation, give that woman a tampon if you had one? I would. I believe you would, too. What if a coworker asked you for a ride home at 7:30 p.m. on a dark, frigid winter's night because her car won't start after working a 13-hour shift. Would you give her a ride? Absolutely. I think you would, too. And if the little old man in front of you at the supermarket asked for two quarters because he was 47 cents short, would you give it to him? Yeah, me too.
Why is that? What is wrong with us that we are more than happy to help someone in need, but are so terrified of asking for it ourselves? Do we see asking for help as weakness? As begging? Is there a difference?
"Asking is an act of intimacy and trust. Begging is a function of fear, desperation, or weakness. Those who must beg demand our help; those who ask have faith in our capacity for love and in our desire to share with one another." ~ Amanda Palmer in The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help
Amanda Palmer has perfected the act of asking others for help, literally transforming it into an art form.
I'd never heard of Amanda Palmer until approximately 18 months ago. I was doing a little research on Neil Gaiman at the time, Googling a book of his I was looking forward to reading (he's one of my favorites), when I stumbled across her name. She's his wife. I clicked on a picture of the two of them and was taken aback by the contrast. He's older, reserved, and British. She's 16 years younger, an American with dyed red hair, drawn-on eyebrows and combat boots who is one half of the punk cabaret duo called The Dresden Dolls. My interest was piqued.
Minimal research revealed she'd done a TED talk, which I watched and was moved to tears by. I was drawn to her unique individuality. Her music's not a genre I typically listen to (although she's quite talented), but I like her. Something about her intrigues me. Perhaps it's because she's so completely opposite of me, and you know how they say opposites attract.
I started following her on Facebook and loved her updates. She said she was writing a book titled The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help, so I waited. I read the updates about her progress, and I waited. It was published on November 11, 2014. I bought a copy. Something about the book hit me hard and I couldn't make it through a page or two without tearing up. A few times I actually cried, sobbed, in fact, and had to put the book down for a breather. What is it about this stupid book that's getting to me? I wondered. This is ridiculous! How embarrassing. Then it dawned on me: she's me. I'm her. She openly talks about things I've thought, felt, experienced--all the self-doubt people in general and artists in particular go through (You're a fraud! You're no writer. You know it, I know it, and pretty soon the whole world will know it. You're not fooling anyone.) She talks about being spit on, heckled, and otherwise verbally and physically abused. She talks about how everyone just wants to be seen--to know they matter and have made a difference in someone else's life. She talks about the importance of asking for what you need (a tampon, a ride, fifty cents). She talks about how we, as artists, are always looking to connect with others, whether it be through music or writing or paint on a canvas. Every human being craves acknowledgment. I see you. I appreciate you. Thank you. I love you.
I love to read (I've read approximately 60 books this year so far, give or take), but I'm only about 1/3 of the way through Palmer's book. It's hard-hitting, heavy stuff. I need time to digest some parts, bawl over others, and breathe. It's raw and real and fearless. I commend her for her bravery and for having the courage to be vulnerable--to let it all hang out for the world to see. That's daring greatly, as Brené Brown would say (she wrote the foreword, by the way, and I highly recommend her books The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly), and I respect Amanda Palmer even more for it.
On November 19 Amanda posted a photo of herself weeping because she'd just received a phone call informing her she was now a New York Times Bestselling Author (position #7), and I couldn't be happier for her.
Although the book isn't for everyone (there is swearing, etc.) I challenge those of you who are interested to read The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help over the next few weeks. Tell me what you think. As artists, I believe this book will speak to most of us. And the next time you need a tampon, a ride, or 47 cents, ask.
Thank you for reading.
"There is no 'correct path' to becoming a real artist. You might think you'll gain legitimacy by going to art school, getting published, getting signed to a record label. But it's all bullshit, and it's all in your head. You're an artist when you say you are. And you're a good artist when you make somebody else experience or feel something deep or unexpected." ~ Amanda Palmer in The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help
For those of you interested in watching Amanda Palmer's TED talk, here it is. Enjoy!
Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.
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The following is in response to "Inherent Goodness" :
ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy  writes, "I'm glad you found the people from my three 'home' states to be so cordial, helpful, friendly. I liked this line: 'From Idaho to Oregon to California, everyone we've come into contact with has gone out of their way to be nice to us.'" Aw, thank you! Yes, it was a lovely vacation, and people's kindness made it all that much better. 
Zeke  writes, "Your letter could have been written by me. My life partner and I just celebrated our thirtieth anniversary and our friends and family were very supportive too." Yay! Congratulations! You don't see very many 20+-year relationships these days, and when you do it's a cause for celebration.     
katesthename writes, "Encouragement strengthens the heart. Thanks for encouraging me. With all the evil going on, it's so energizing to hear a good report." Aw!  What a beautiful thing to say. Thank you.
Quick-Quill  writes, "I'm on the opposite ocean tor the first time. Landing in NH then a drive to Canada and back to New England. I love being here and hope to come back. It was a working holiday so there were some limits. I spent time writing. A whole new story."Ooh, I LOVE New England! One of my favorite places in the world.  How was your working holiday?
QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns writes, "What serendipity your Newsletter brought for me. You're talking about 'Paying Forward' the kindness extended to you during your vacation. The book I recommended for reading in Patrick's Symposium #26 is titled Pay It Forward: A Novel written by Catherine Ryan Hyde. This is truly the work of the spirit, or, in contemporary lingo, perhaps, ESP? Glad you and your husband had a wonderful 25th year wedding anniversary. God bless you both." Beautiful book. The movie wasn't too bad, either. And I think you're right about the whole ESP thing (I believe in universal consciousness). Thank you for your blessings. One can never have too many of those!  Thank you so much for reading and commenting. 
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