 Comedy: December 31, 2014 Issue [#6734] |
  Comedy
This week: Wrapping/Rapping-Up the Old Year Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Oh, I’ve always wanted to do one of these Comedy Newsletters.  I actually get to say goodbye to the old year with you on the last day of the year. 2014, is going, going ... ! |
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Soon we will face another year of hopes and dreams and promises to ourselves about how much better we will handle things and how much control we will have over our lives and how sorry we are that we indulged too much the night before the first day of the year.
That’s really the cause of all this pondering and determined commitment to change. Oh, yeah, we are going to edit that dusty draft copy that has been sitting on our virtual shelves for more years than we’d like to admit. The answer to what possesses us to make promises we will never keep is contained in those tiny bubbles. Yes folks, it’s a fact that Champagne, the celebratory drink to bring in the New Year is the culprit.
They contain carbonated power over the simple human psyche and body. They tickle the nose, make us grin and do things we shouldn’t. The next morning, the laughter ceases and the serious pondering of our life faces us in the mirror. We look plumper and thus resolve to lose weight. However, it’s probably the bags under the eyes from the night before that makes our image seem “fuller.” The old remedies come out, black-eyed peas, cold pizza and Alka-Seltzer.
Why not skip all the steps that lead to trapping us into resolutions based on guilt? This eve of a whole new year needs to be more sensible, giving YOU control of your destiny.
What not to do:
Don’t go out, driving! On that night in particular, it is filled with young, amateur drinkers sowing their wild champagne oats and celebrating their college vacation break. They are noisy, likely to moon passers-by and usually lose something before the night is over. Not a pretty sight!
What to do:
Pre-order a Honey-baked ham or other edible delights for your particular taste. (You won’t want to cook on New Year’s day.)
Stay home with a fine DVD such as Silence of the Lambs on that night, and watch with a loved one. (Parties are messy and the hosts are in charge of the clean-up the day after.)
Be sure to have plenty of ready-made food on hand. I suggest Chinese take-out. Order early, get off the road and re-heat later as needed.
Save the Champagne for a midnight toast. Do not make it the official beverage of the evening. (Tiny, evil bubbles, remember?) I suggest sticking with a clear beverage, such as vodka. Take it slow and easy in-between the pot stickers and the egg-roll.
I think you’ll find this experience to be much kinder and gentler to your constitution and you won’t have to spend lots of money on a new outfit or suit just so you can click glasses and sing with a bunch of off-keyed bubble-heads. Also, instead of making a laundry list of resolutions, make noise, set off fireworks, sweep the old year out the door and go outside and inhale the New Year. This way you’ve given props to the importance of having another year ahead of you, but also, you did it your way and may awaken the muse effortlessly rather than forcing it to do something it hasn’t wanted to do for the past ten New Years -- diet, edit, or begin to write that novel sitting in the back of your mind.
Let the changes come naturally and softly. It may take half the year to accomplish something you’ve always wanted to get done, do, or cross-off your bucket list. It shouldn't be rushed. If on January 1, you make a promise to lose ten pounds by January 20, you can count on gaining it all back plus more by April 1. Yes, the joke is on you -- literally! Fuggettaboutit, and break the chains of another year of broken promises.
 So listen-up folks and take a break, don't hesitate to celebrate, but keep it cool, don't be a fool -- not a fool baby -- yeah, no fool. Welcome in the New Year cheer, without the drool without the fear. Play your hand close to your vest, give it props, forget the rest -- not the sleep, you're just a peep, so not too deep -- but keep it near, always clear -- looks like you got yourself a brand new year. 
It's a "Rap" for this year's Comedy Newsletter, folks.
Until next year -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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Some comments from my "Comedy Newsletter (December 3, 2014)"
Smiling Jack 
Oh. I love the sherry idea! Getting that bird toasted before he's roasted is such a nice way to send him on his way.
Love your tales of jaunts hither and yon. They sound like fun.
Happy holidays.
Thanks for the feedback, Jack. I'm happy you enjoyed it. 
Have a wonderful New Year! 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW! Thanks for sharing your travel scares, your reverse Thanksgiving, and the anti-Black-Friday flea market bargains. It's great that both RubyFlower and Cissy were up for the adventure and that your "Martha Stewart" now sports chili peppers and paper cranes (an improvement from prison-orange, I'm sure.) Thanks for the holiday wishes. Right back at you!
~ Laura
Love the "prison orange" comment, Laura!  Hmmm, you're giving me new ideas for next Christmas.
Have a wonderfully prosperous New Year, kiddo! 
Teerich - 2019
Hi Web Witch. Your graphic description of your odyssey to fetch your friend had me in stitches. You have such a way with words. Your newsletters are always a delight
Keep them coming!
Thank you, Terri! My life is a joke sometimes -- just have to write about it.
A joyous New Year to you! 
drjim
Yes, yes, YES! This trip to get our SISTAH "up 'Bama way" as I say was inspiring, soul-filled trek that I will not be forgetting soon! Especially interesting was how Ciss got her hearing back, knowing that I, WL, always play music LOUD. And I do mean LOUD. EVERY SINGLE STATE TROOPER heard us coming from 3-4 miles, without doubt! Hey, did I mention how GREAT the food you both made was STUPENDOUS!! Loved the turkey, loved it ALL. (That is my JOB, folks, as I always give WW's food the taste test and Ciss's culinary talents we impressive as well!! You both were going at it, laughing so much, I had to remind you to BREATHE once in a awhile there. Sheesh. The part about you both dancing with seat belts on was cool enough, but hey, if ANY law enforcement patrol saw THAT going down, I'd be a goner for sure! Alabama's Staties are probably shaking their heads, saying thank GAWD that guy is out of our State!
It was such a riot, Doc! I so loved having Cissy for Thanksgiving -- well we didn't really have her, we had the turkey, but -- well, you know what I mean!  We all had a wonderful holiday weekend and adventure! 
Happy New Year, my sweet man! 
Mummsy 
Turkey soaked in sherry!? I want the recipe! Please. 
Just tell that big bad bird to say, ahhhhhh and pour baby, pour! Let him soak it in overnight, then, before putting him in the oven, while the tom's all slathered inside and out with the sherry, give him a good rubbing of herbs and spices. That's all there is to it! Hmmm, what a life he's got, a good drink followed by an herbal massage.
Have a wonderful New Year!!! 
Quick-Quill 
Christmas tree that has survived 15 years. It has lost its pre-lit status and I have to lay hundreds of lights as Mr. Perfect fluffs the branches on each tier. He sits while I arrange all the cute Hallmark collectible ornaments, the ones we bought when the kids were small from McDonalds (Bernard, Bianca, Sebastian and the cola bears) Hand made counted cross-stitch from his sister and the myriad of others. I didn't get many around the back as no one sees there. The rocking Santa roaring "Twas the night before Christmas" is rocking next to the fireplace and the annoying snowman who says "Happy Holidays" and "Come in its warm" every time someone passes it or the light changes. It's Christmas and traditions need to be kept. Kids are heading home for the holidays and mom is content.
It sounds beautiful Tina! Keep up the traditions. Although you may want to remove the voice box from that "annoying snowman."
Have a happy New Year filled with more family traditions and lots of love! 
allorde, via email:
SO INFORMATIVE, THANK YOU.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Happy New Year!!! 
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Submits: "Family Christmas" And comments:
Christmas is always fun.
I wonder if anyone's asked that poor angel who sits on top of the tree, if she agrees with your statement, BBW?!!!
May your New Year be fun as well. 
Thank you for all your feedback, we editors really appreciate it.
 Have a wonderful and prosperous New Year folks. 
~WW
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