 Comedy: January 28, 2015 Issue [#6789] |
  Comedy
This week: Microsoft Doesn't Call People! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Web-Son is a senior tech at Staples and also does on-site repairs and troubleshooting at customers' homes. Plus, he works in phone sales, contracts and warranties. Thus, he is a very busy and handy all-purpose-tool for the company. |
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I recently had a long conversation with Web-Son about computers and how many people use tech-service for minor problems or because they just won’t bother following directions or worst of all, they fall for some computer fix-it scam.
Leading up to and through the holiday season, he is doubly busy. The store hours increase, the sales run constantly and the competition to reach goals is in high gear. Following Christmas gift giving, he is in big demand, because of the newly acquired electronic gadgets people received and their need to have them set-up, insured, warrantied and whatever else goes along with the new toys to get the maximum protection for them.
One week, he had about ten customers, laptop in hands asking him to fix it. They said Microsoft called them because they found a malicious virus in their system. They told him they had to pay $299 by credit card, to the company, before Microsoft could give them the repair software. They did what Microsoft told them, now, it runs worse than before they repaired it!
Web-Son: “Microsoft doesn’t call people. They release necessary updates that are downloaded on the computer whenever you do an update. Those provide patches when there are holes or glitches in the Windows software. Anti-virus, and malware protection programs are used to prevent any malicious code from getting into your system. ”
Customer: “But, they did this thing whereby they could remotely fix the problem. I saw them moving the cursor around my laptop without me doing anything. They looked like they knew what they were doing. Who else could do that but the real Microsoft?”
Web-Son: “Did they ask you to allow permission for their software to be downloaded on your computer?”
Customer: “Yes, they asked me to allow the fix-it software program to be downloaded on my laptop. They said it was the best and cheapest way to do it, otherwise I’d have to mail the laptop directly to them and have a tech work on it there. It would have taken up to two weeks for the whole process, and I couldn’t be without my computer for that long. It made sense to do the quick-fix method.”
Web-Son: “ Microsoft is a software company, Windows software comes with most PCs. They never ask for laptops or computers to be sent to them for fixing. What these techs did, with your permission, was to send their own packets of malicious software code. So long as that code is in there, they will control your laptop, which is why it’s running so slow for you. That wasn’t Microsoft, that was a scam. You aren’t the first customer who came to me with this same problem.”
Customer: “Can you fix it?”
Web-Son: “Yes, the repair cost starts at $149.00. That is only for virus removal. If you want that, plus an anti-virus program it cost about $50.00 more, because it looks like your anti-virus subscription has expired, and you will want to have that. If you want all of the above plus tech support, it will cost over $300. However, you can bring it here if something like this happens again, and we'll fix it at no extra charge, while it’s under warranty.”
Customer: “So there’s no way I can get my money back from the fraudulent site, and now I have to pay more money to get my brand new laptop to work? It just doesn’t seem right!”
Web-Son: “I agree, Ma’am, fraud is a terrible and costly thing. You can go to your credit card fraud protection department and see what they can do about it. However, there's nothing Staples can do about getting your money back. We can only make sure this doesn’t happen to you in the future. Therefore, if you ever receive emails, phone calls or text messages asking you to allow them to fix something on your electronic devices, delete, or hang up. Do not allow remote access to your computer by them, and never pay them money for the privilege of taking control of your computer. If in doubt, call us. You can also check online for recent scams having to do with computer viruses and any official sounding company’s name attached to it. Also, be careful if you get warnings from the FBI, trying to fine you for some supposed illegal activity on your computer. That would most likely happen if you clicked on something which released a malicious code. Unfortunately, there are spoof FBI sites, too.”
Folks, beware of these scams. Eventually the calls, or emails will arrive, claiming a quick fix for your computer problems. Don’t believe it!. Although, I’ve got to admit, Web-Son doesn’t mind the overtime pay. 
Other than fixing the damage done by scams, WS handles customer on-site repairs.
Customer: “Hello, I need to get larger font on some of the business correspondences I receive on my computer. It’s too hard for me to read the small font the company is using. Is there any way you could fix it for me?”
Web-Son: I can help you, sir. You just need to hit control-plus, to make the font on that page larger.”
Customer: “I’m too busy to try to do this over the phone. I want you to come out and fix it for me.”
Web-Son: “Okay, sir, I could do that, but it will cost you $149.99 for me to do an on-site.”
Customer: “Fine, then. I’ll expect you on Friday.”
My big-hearted son told me, “You know Mom, I think I’ll even show him how he can shrink the text also -- in case he gets carried away with the control-plus. I will give him, for no extra charge, the incredible text shrinker known as control-minus!”
Web-Son received a call from a customer who needed to contact the warranty department about his printer, it went something like this:
Customer: "Yes, I need the number for the warranty department, please."
Web-Son: That would be (877) “WARRANTY.”
Customer: (after a brief pause) “Okay, thank you.”
A few minutes later the phone rings again.
Customer: “Hello, I just talked to one of your people. I asked him for the warranty department’s number, but he told me to call (877) and the word "warranty." My phone doesn’t dial letters, only numbers.”
Web-Son, held-back a laugh, and read the corresponding numbers to the word “warranty.”
Customer: “That still doesn't sound right. There are too many numbers!”
Web-Son: “It doesn’t matter, sir, the phone will only register the necessary numbers. Any extras are ignored.”
Customer: “I don’t understand you people. Why can’t you use normal numbers and the right amount of them? You make it difficult so we can’t get a hold of the warranty department. Well, I for one won’t be discouraged from making this call. I’ll tell them that they have a strange way of doing business, too!”
Web-Son:  Yes, sir, sorry about that, sir. You have a good day.”
That's right, we live in a high-tech society with everything we need at the touch of a button . Our phones may be Smart, but, I can’t help but think, we are not getting much brighter.
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until net time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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brom21 
It is a good thing that I do not drink. I’m also a low toned person so I typically do not leave the house when the clock strikes twelve. It is not out of the ordinary for things to go awry and crazy around that time. Thanks for the newsletter! May we all laugh on!
You are a very wise person, Brom! 
Thank you for your feedback. 
Quick-Quill 
Snowman is back in the dark and quiet. Family watching football with 3D glasses. Snacks are ready to pop in the oven. Reading newsletters from wdc. Mom's content.
Love it! Well-planned, indeed. 
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW
Happy New Year! I loved the NL - "sowing their wild champagne oats." So funny! And so was "tiny, evil bubbles." Didn't Don Ho sing that? Keep up the great newsletters in 2015!
~ Laura
Thank you, Laura. And, yes, I do believe Don Ho started all the evil bubbly stuff with his singing.
Teerich - 2019
Hi Web Witch. I took your advice and we laid in smoked salmon, fillet steaks and wickedly rich chocolate pudding for New Year's Eve. We had some bubbly with dinner then settled down to watch a Queen Concert, before the London Fireworks at midnight. I refrained from making any resolutions and have to say that it made for a very relaxed New Year's Day. No regrets, no hangover, just chilled out and mellow. Cheers and A Happy and Prosperous New Year to you and yours.
Now your talking, Terri! It sounds like it was a wonderful, New Year's eve. 
Thank you -- and the best to you and yours in 2015!
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Submits: "What's Behind Me?"
Plenty of laughs.
Thank you for your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month!
  
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