 Comedy: December 02, 2015 Issue [#7346] |
  Comedy
This week: 'Tis The Season ... Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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 It's time to deck the halls, and bring on the cheer. Share the love and joy with those far and near. And don't forget to keep laughing all the way, as you head into a brand new year.  |
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Hello folks, welcome to the Happ-happ-happy holiday edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
When Thanksgiving weekend arrives, I can’t help but get the urge to splurge, the tempting delicacies, the brilliant lights, and the concentrate on constant ads reminding me that Black Friday holds reverent the premise that with it comes, a steep economic boost to the GNP of the USA. Now, what kind of person would I be not to get tangled up in the Friday fray of frenzied bargain hunters? A smart one!
You gotta love malls with their Macy’s, Dillard’s or Marshall Fields, welcoming us with something bright and shiny at whichever entrance from the parking lot we choose. Of course as we open the heavy, sale-in-progress-sign-posted-doors, and enter the store, a splash of the fragrance du jour fills the air, along with free samples of spritzes of odoriferous blends, that will take at least three showers to de-scent from, at the end of the day. You may choose door number two, the "east entrance" or door number three, the "south entrance," or, perhaps the "north entrance?" Lest we forget the "north by northwest," door! I mean who wants to have a portable GPS unit of the mall to know how to get back to where you started, anyway? It’s maddening. However, we do it for love of country, and children and their children. To think, a two-year-old’s chances of future employment in twenty years, is all hinged on our getting unhinged, on Black Friday. Well I’m not buying it!
That doesn’t mean I’m not buying anything, it just means that I no longer have to be squished by a bargain hunting mob, waiting by the store door at 5:00 a.m. to get some new gadget at a huge discount. I can now sleep late, and jump right into the bargains with my fingers!
You see, we of certain age, no longer need to hit the malls the day after Thanksgiving, just so our little crumb crunchers can sit on Santa’s lap and spill forth their long list of demands Christmas wishes. Nope, we are of the age of the electronic shopping cart. We can fill the cart to our heart’s desire, and then move all the items over to our “wish list.” We can shop all day in our pajamas, play our handpicked holiday music, and enjoy a glass of wine without facing the dreaded parking lot and sea of like-colored and styled vehicles, in hopes that we exited the same door of the mall store that we entered. We can “spend” dollars like we have a regenerating pot-o’ gold, all the way until we make the last click, then cancel. It's a very powerful feeling for the shopper on a budget! 
Let's just say, I’m in the mood to buy a new car. I follow those “Black Friday” one day specials offered online, right into a virtual showroom. There are no high pressured salespersons following you all around the place reminding you that they will be happy to answer any questions you have, and then a card with their name gets shoved in your face so when you decide on a vehicle, you remember who told you they would answers your questions before any of the ten other sales reps, asked you if you’ve already been helped by another representative that day, while holding a card out in front.  Instead, you get a pop-up window asking you if you want to “chat” about any questions you might have. Oh, I just love those!
WW: “Well, I was wondering if I should go with the Mercedes rather than your BMW. Why do you think my money is better spent on your cars?”
Chat-Rep: “Well, Sir, or Ma’am? If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t we get a little acquainted and be on a first name basis? My name is Hal, and I am here to make your BMW purchase decision a joyful one.” 
While Hal is waxing eloquent on the various reasons why I should choose that particular vehicle, I’ve already started another chat with Pat from Mercedes, who's telling me about the 1.9% financing, should I fall within the credit parameters, which of course, Pat thinks, there is no doubt would happen, because it is a pretty solid guess that anyone considering buying a Mercedes, most definitely would qualify.
As I go back and forth between Pat and Hal, and let them both know they are in competition for my business, I notice more options being offered and longer “no-payments-’til, notices being flashed before my eyes. Gee, I feel so special. 
After a while, I decided it wasn’t fun anymore, so I dropped each rep, telling them I decided to go with the other. When Pat came back with a final question as to why I decided against purchasing a Mercedes with him, I said, “I’m sorry Pat, I’ve decided to go to Hal!”
Click-click, and off I went to another virtual store filled with items I will actually purchase. Amazon’s Black Friday event was in progress, but it doesn’t end there, I'm told to visit often, new specials arrive daily!” Hmmm, Black Friday prices on Wednesday? Yup, I think a new e-book for me at $2.99, is a splendid deal. Kaching -- added to shopping cart. 
Amazon: “Would you like 1-click shopping?”
WW: “Heck yeah!” Quick, painless and cheap.
So folks, do find time to enjoy the holidays. You can save a lot of stress and grief, not to mention the embarrassment of wandering around a huge parking lot, hoping and praying your car will appear soon.
Now, I’ve got to get Martha Stewart out of the closet and dust her off for another Christmas season. (The tree, not the person.) I just love this time of year -- but I must add, I sometimes pine over missing the “hunt” for the perfect Christmas tree. Ah, forget about it, I’ll quit the pine and go with the fir.
Merry Christmas, and happy holidays to all -- and to all the bright lights!   
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! What an adventure your road trip was! Finding good restaurants is always tough (even tougher than your awful rib-eye). There are plenty in the town I live in (huge resort-filled city), but very few are good and the ones in the hotels are extremely expensive. I get adventurous and check out new places, but always end up back at the same cheap-but-you-know-what-you're-getting place I'm used to. (They know me so well I get my very own discount!) I hope your trip back north is less frustrating!
~ Laura
Thank goodness for frequent eater discounts, Laura!  Enjoy your holidays, and thanks so much for all your feedback! 
Quick-Quill 
You are much like me. I hate to return food but I'm not too quiet about bad preparation. Great Newsy letter.
Thank you, Ann! May your holidays be wonderful! 
drjim
Indeed...WW...the world is such a screwy place at times...what with 'misunderstandings' being so commonplace. Let us just say that The state with the most number of confusing signs and the inability to clue travelers in, on our North to South travels, is....Pennsylvania. (Sorry PA folks, but there are broken tires on I-81 mile after mile, plus constant construction detours.)
WW, the restaurant your piece of meat was cooked in was "The Topsy Turvy"....not a bad place all in all, just a person with a sincere inability to charbroil very expensive steak is all. Chef Ramsey would have plenty to SAY about my plate as well...but you don't think they'd kill the messenger...to you WW? 
Another trip under our belts, WL. It was a bit bumpy on the way, this time around, but it can only improve, right?!!! Merry Christmas, love! 
Thank you for all your feedback, folks!
See you at the end of the month, to help you bring in the New Year. 
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