 Comedy: December 16, 2015 Issue [#7370] |
  Comedy
This week: The War on Christmas Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I am a veteran of the War on Christmas. I am just emerging from a battlefield strewn with dead trees and torn shreds of brightly colored wrapping paper.
-Henry Rollins
I mean, the "War on Christmas" certainly isn't some completely invented concept that allows our country's most privileged people to feel needlessly persecuted, right? Right?!
-Jon Stewart
Happy Holidays!
-pretty much everyone who cares about inclusiveness |
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Merry Christmas, everyone!
...well, okay, not everyone. Last I heard, , about 70% of Americans identify as Christian. Christmas, of course, doesn't share letters with Christian by coincidence; the one is clearly made for the other.
Seventy percent is a bit over 2/3, and I think it's safe to say that a lot of people who don't identify as Christian also celebrate Christmas in one way or another - because of family, social pressure, or whatever. And even those who don't celebrate the holiday at least have the day off from work or school, and have to deal with stores being closed and all the holiday decorations and music.
So if someone wants me to have a "Merry Christmas," I'll take the sentiment in the positive spirit in which it was intended: Christmas is a day, December 25th here in the US, and if someone wants to wish me a good day, hey, I'll just wish it right back and feel good that someone cares about me enough to hope that my day doesn't suck.
In the name of being inclusive, many businesses and people feel that a more faith-neutral expression would be "Happy Holidays." Again, here, someone's wishing you a good day or days, and it would take a massive tool to find fault in that.
So, of course, some people are massive tools.
"Happy Holidays!"
*snarl* "It's 'Merry Christmas,' goddammit!"
"Whoa, okay, I didn't know you were an asshole. Next time, wear a sign: 'I'm a huge asshole,' and I'll know to wish you Merry Christmas."
The thing is, you generally can't look at someone and instantly tell whether they celebrate Christmas. Even if they're dressed in the tackiest clothes imaginable - red and green, with an ugly sweater, reindeer ears, and a bright red fake nose - maybe they're just getting into the spirit of the season, which is independent of the celebration of any messiah's birth. I mean, I suppose maybe if you've got visible fish tattoos, Chi-Rho earrings, and an enormous cross pendant, *maybe* then we can assume you're Christian, but even then, you just never know. Christians come in all skin colors, nations of origin, sexual orientations, sizes, and flavors. But then, so does everyone else.
So that's my War on Christmas: I want to be as inclusive as possible. If I know that someone's Christian, it'll be Merry Christmas. If I know they're Pagan, it'll be Blessed Yule. If I know they're Jewish or Muslim or atheist or whatever, it'll be Happy Holidays (Hanukkah is not, as is often portrayed, a substitute for Christmas; it's a completely different holiday that usually doesn't even overlap with Christmas). And in fact, if I don't know, I'm not going to make assumptions, and it'll still be Happy Holidays.
Because no matter who you are, or what you believe, I really, truly want you to have a good day, or days, filled with joy and peace and happiness and all that hippie crap. A world of happy people is less likely to shoot at each other, and I can't find any fault in that.
But if you're going to give me shit about that, then I hope your day sucks. Because I'm vindictive that way. It's a character fault, I know, but I have no desire to change it. So... don't be a massive tool, and we'll be okay.
Happy Holidays, (almost) everyone! |
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