 Comedy: January 27, 2016 Issue [#7441] |
  Comedy
This week: Humor Knows No Boundaries Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Hello there, folks! I hope your holidays were wonderful, and that your 2016 will be exciting -- in a good way of course. We’ve all experienced a bit of sadness in 2015, and the passing of some fine members of WDC, so go riddance to it! |
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Yes, folks -- welcome to 2016!
Remember, humor knows no boundaries. It can be woven into each day we live if we let it, and learn to laugh at ourselves at times that we may feel a bit obtuse, messed-up, in the middle of a senior moment, or a series of other obstacles that turn an originally easy task, into a mini-crisis.
Making phone calls on my trusty old flip phone, was easy. I loved that phone! Notice I said “loved.”
Recently, Web-Son gave me an early birthday gift. He, ever intent on keeping me up to date technologically, sent me one of those cursed pieces of finicky equipment, called a “smart phone.” It was sent early, because I needed to do a couple things before the end of the year, in order to get onto a plan that would give me 1 extra Gig of data free. Did you get that? Free data!
Okay, I’m sorry to shock all you “smarties," who can't live without your I-Phone, or Android, or whatever else they call those things, but you may remember me saying, either on the newsfeed or a newsletter “Web~Witch doesn’t like smart phones." In fact she dislikes them as much as she dislikes doing math.”
As I stated above, I loved my old phone, my “stupid phone,” my flip-phone, with its raised keyboard and the ability to respond to an incoming phone call with a simple press of a button. It didn’t talk back to me, suggest I want to do something or tease that I really need some app. The only app, until now, that I knew of was in the “app" in app-etite.
Thus, when Web-Son was trying to convince me to take a leap of faith on upgrading, the conversation went something like this ...
“Mom, you really need to upgrade your phone. The plan with the lower monthly cost and extra data, doesn't work on your flip-phone.”
“But, Web-Son, you know how much I hate those phones. I don’t need so much fancy phone-abilities. I have my lap-top taking care of most of my internet needs. And, I really like my dumb-phone.”
“But Mom, let me emphasize this point, upgrading is going to save you money, and you get an extra Gig of data! Continuing to tether your flip-phone’s blue tooth capabilities to your computer to get online was handy as you have found out. When your internet was down, the phone’s blue tooth was there to get you back on. But then, when you needed to get a project done, remember how much the monthly cost rose for that extra data? With this plan, you will pay less money than you do now, for twice the data, plus, I’ll even buy the phone for you as an early birthday gift. And, you can always go back to your old phone if you don’t like the new one.”
Yes, folks, I reluctantly agreed to WS’s suggestion, and said,”Okay, I will try it.”
The first two and half weeks I had the phone, I had no idea how to answer it. Actually, as of the writing of this Newsletter, I can only sporadically answer my phone. Yup, it's pretty much hit or miss. I suppose that's an improvement, 50-50, rather than zero on phone call answering capabilities.
Really? "Why is that, Web~Witch? They are not that difficult to use." 
I hear you, folks, but there was no button I could press. I kept hearing this persistent “Moto” beat, with a message stating I had an incoming call, but couldn’t find the button to answer it. 
I tried reasoning with the smart thing. I saw the caller’s ID, it’s Web-Son. He's just the guy I need to answer my phone questions! Oh, please answer this call, oh please, oh please, answer the phone. You are a smartphone and I command you to pick up the phone. 
Nope, that didn’t work! All the while, my fingers are streaking across the screen as I blurt-out, “hello? HELLOOOOOOOO!!! Nothing, nada, no-go. Then, the phone went silent. He was gone! I missed his call. I went to my contacts and called back Web-Son .
“Hello Mom, were you having trouble answering the phone?” 
 Insert a few swear words at this point, silently running through my brain as I calmly say, "Yes, WS, it just wouldn’t let me answer your call.” 
“Did you try sweeping your finger over the little green, phone icon?”
“I did try that, but the phone still didn’t answer.”
“You went too far and hit the red phone icon, so the call went to voicemail. Oh, by the way, your voicemail isn’t set up.”
“What do you mean it’s not set-up? It’s supposed to follow my number. I didn’t change my number.”
“That’s true, but you got a new phone, and each phone needs to have its own set-up. Give it your name and the message you want people to hear when they reach your voicemail.”
“Can I give them a fake name? Because I hate those rip-off calls saying I won a trip for two, advertisers who want to give me a deal on a student loan I don’t have to begin with, or some political poll call, that will only take five minutes of my time -- yeah, right!”
“Sure, Mom, you can give it any name you want, but won’t the people you know wonder why your phone number has another person’s name attached?”
“Okay, fine! I’ll find a recorded message and when it asks for my name, I’ll just say “me.” “Me” is somebody everybody knows. They won’t question it because if they know me, they know my voice.”
“Mom, don’t worry, we’ll get through this. I’ll call each night after work, and you can practice answering the phone. Then, we will put the speaker phone option on, and I can talk you through the steps for setting-up your Wi-Fi tethering abilities for your PC and your Kindle. By next week or perhaps two; well, let’s just say three for sure, you will be a regular pro with your new phone.”
Well, two weeks later, I answered my first call, without having to wait until it stopped ringing and having to call the person back. However, it turned out to be a robot call and asked me to press one for my options. "Press one?" Where and how in the world am I supposed to press "1?" My keyboard isn't showing! So, I hung up on my local pharmacy's robot, because I couldn't find "1."
Since then I have my WI-Fi tethering, and my voicemail set-up -- well no, actually I haven't done that, yet. But, I have downloaded Apps, for no reason at all, except that I could! I never had any use for those things until now, and actually never thought I’d get rid of my flip-phone, for one of these slip-slidey, moody, pieces of modern technology. But, when you want to save money and get FREE DATA in the process, well, let’s just say a couple weeks, or a month of inconvenience, extra wine, and some very un-lady-like language later, I think I’m starting to see the benefits of this little baby. I’ve even named her, Clarice.  Oops, incoming, “Hello Clarice ... ” 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
I dedicate this edition of the Comedy Newsletter to my beloved WDC friend, SHERRI GIBSON  , who loved it when I her made her laugh, email after email. May we all learn from her words, “Reach for the stars ... Follow your dreams.” Rest well my precious sister. You write amongst the angels, now. How cool is that?!!! 
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Jacqueline 
dear web-witch, I read it to the end. I did not enjoy the punch line, as it was more a story than a joke. all the same I enjoyed reading it. from Jacqueline
Just an Ordinary Boo!
Hrrrgh-hrrrgh-hrrrgh! It may be a looooooooooooooooooooong joke but the idea is extremely inventive and well crafted! I did enjoy the punchline in the end! 
Jyo
Sum1's In Schaumburg 
Uhhh, I read the whole joke.....
Thank you for reading the joke and posting that you have done so. I've got to tell you, I had to jump to the end after reading part of it. I know, I know -- bad WebWitch!" However, each of these three have earned a WebWitch Merit Badge.
Other comments on the Newsletter, regarding those verbose, Christmas/holiday letters from friends and relatives:
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! I know exactly the letters you mean. One of my old friends doesn't send Christmas or New Year cards, but in mid Jan she sends a "Family Newsletter" instead, with pics of her children, details about their accomplishments, and info about their family vacations and projects. I don't mind reading it though. (I guess my life is pretty boring if I consider that entertaining reading! ) Wishing you and yours a peaceful and happy 2016!
~ Laura
Thanks for the good wishes, and for being such a faithful reader and responder, Laura! I really appreciate it. Have a wonderful year. 
drjim
I really identified with this one, WW! It had all the earmarks of being completely understandable, minus the suspense, which always seems to tickle us anyway. I must admit, not receiving the lengthy/newsy letters in Xmas cards, replete with adoptions of both four-legged creatures and two, make for a much easier life and lifestyle if you ask me! Just the same, it's other peoples' lives, God bless 'em, to each their own....
Indeed, WL. 
Thank you for your feedback folks.  We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
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