 Comedy: June 01, 2016 Issue [#7666] |
  Comedy
This week: Bars Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Bars in the daytime are like women without makeup.
-Lady Snowblood (1973)
When I was younger I would close down bars. Now it's Costco.
-Brenda Priddy
In my defense, I was young and there was an open bar.
-Jonathan Tropper, How to Talk to a Widower |
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So. A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
It's impossible to overstate the importance of bars to comedy, whether it's as a setting, a venue, or inspiration.
Consider this: A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, buddy, why the long face?"
A bar is a great equalizer. Leaving aside the people who don't drink - none of them have a sense of humor, anyway - people from all walks of life can mingle at a bar, the only requirement being that you be old enough to partake in its provender.
A, C and E walk into a bar. Bartender goes, "Sorry, we don't serve minors here."
It also allows room for absurdity, as you can see. Plenty of bar jokes around, and they're fairly easy to create. As with everything else in comedy, you just need a bar, some customers, and a bartender. There's always a bartender, and she or he is never the butt of the joke. Hey, I don't make the rules here.
So C leaves, and A and E have a fifth between them.
Of course, sometimes the joke requires knowledge of basic music theory, as well. Ability to do barre chords optional.
In case you're wondering why bartenders are off-limits, it's simple: it's a sacred profession, and there's nothing funny about the sacred.
Bar jokes are, of course, so ubiquitous that it's also important to riff on them.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
It's funny because a bar is also a rod that you can hit your head on. And now it's not funny because I had to explain it.
Two law students walk into a bar. One of them passes.
But a bar isn't just a setting for bad jokes; it's also a place to tell them. Not just when they have open mic night, or you get to laugh at the talentless hack doing karaoke, but when you sit down with buddies in a bar, you drink, and you tell jokes. Some of these jokes might not even involve bars. People tend to be less inhibited there. Sometimes this leads to bar fights, which aren't funny because... oh, wait, my bad; they are funny.
Which leads me to the inspiration thing. Some of us are better at creating funnies than others. I'm certainly not putting myself in the "better" category, but I will share with you one joke I came up with while nursing a beer, a joke that has nothing to do with bars:
So a bunch of Alaskan islands decided they'd had enough and voted to secede. They thought they'd formed their own country, but it turned out to be an Aleutian nation.
Oh, come on... Juneau it's funny. |
A few funnies to raise the bar a bit...
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Last time, in "Balls" , I discussed spherical objects used in sports.
Prosperous Snow celebrating  : Thank you for featuring my poem "A Horse Of A Different Color" in the newsletter.
Always glad to feature creative items!
Sophurky  : How did I know when I read the title of this week's Comedy Newsletter, "Balls," that you would be the author?  Socks forgot to mention the relationship of balls to weather reporting - specifically hail. From golfball-size hail to baseball-size hail - we really are all about balls, aren't we? Thanks for the laughs!
Socks won't admit it, but he likes to play with balls, too. But then he gets embarrassed and hides them.
Mummsy  : !!! That was quite a ballsy topic for a newsletter.
The best way to overcome sphere is to confront it directly.
Thanks for reading, and especially thanks to everyone who had the balls to send a comment! That's it for me for now, but tune in toward the end of the month for another amazing feat of newsletter creation from me! Until then,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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